Depression in Our Health Book

Ironically, on the heels of my last post, today I covered this material with my youngest who is in 7th grade. It is a good time to get a handle on right thinking.

We all go through periods of feeling anxious or depressed; even in the Bible these things are addressed. Why? Because human beings aren't any  different than the earliest of times. For some reason though, in modern culture, we've made it an epidemic and people over analyze what is going on rather than just continuing to work and take care of the things they need to take care of.

Due to the psychological movement taking such root in our day, I propose that nouthetic (Bible based) counseling is superior to all other forms of counseling. It addresses man's problems with scripture and helps us think rightly, which is the root problem of the majority of people's woes. Wrong thinking can take a perfectly fine day and turn it in to the worst day ever. Wrong thinking uproots what was once our 'steady'. How we think determines who we are.

Here are a few questions and the answers from our book...cut and dry, yet in this day it is a crisis when someone is dealing with anxiety or depression. We keep applying band aids and seldom address the core of the matter.

-What does panic mean? unreasoning fear

The cure for this is to look to God's word about faith and understanding that faith is the opposite of fear, as is love.

-What is a physical cause for worry? Fatigue

How many of us don't get quality sleep, meaning sleep that starts before midnight? How many parents have allowed their teens to stay up late, causing an unhealthy lifestyle habit as they've grown, leading to or certainly aiding emotional problems?

-When you are depressed, with whom are you angry? yourself

Yes, depression is anger turned inward. A good study on forgiveness can help some people whose depression is due in part to not handling anger biblically.

-With what attitude can depression not coexist? gratitude

Start your day being grateful and you will not fall in to focusing on what you don't have, which is one problem with people whose disappointments turn to depression.

-Why is it important to learn self-discipline when you are young? Every great accomplishment requires self discipline. The more of this you learn, the more rewarding your life will be.

This in a nutshell explains why so many adults end up depressed.  They live ineffective lives for years, not embracing the work God has given them, rather they resent it and often dwell on feeling unappreciated. Then life continues and their lazy habits catch up with them. The years of criticizing why we as people should work, and work hard, suddenly take on new meaning, and they are angry at them self for wasting their life. Well, this is a sad reality friends. I don't mean to sound cold and unfeeling. I care and because of that care I write, but not to coddle, which only keeps people ineffectual. I pray someone who needs a reality check stumbles upon this.

For those who have wasted much of life, do the only thing one can do in these situations. Repent of the time wasted, accept it wasn't what God would have wanted, and make new decisions going forward. He brings beauty from ashes. He is always interested in our striving to bring Him honor and glory.



-Of what value are chores for your future life? Learning how to work prepares you for adult life

Mothers, don't set your kids up to have the same problems you have. Make them go to bed early, get up early, work hard, and not have privileges if they don't apply themselves to the tasks given them. School is important, not just for cultivating the mind, but for the discipline it teaches. As Latin develops a student's mind in many unseen areas, so a rigorous school life develops a child's self-discipline, which will lead to a more fulfilling life.

Depression is scary, and it is sad, but we have to realize it is often the result of poor choices. We need to transform our thinking according to God's word to get our thinking straight. For a person who can't have this happen, there is likely a medical condition that may not be able to be 'fixed' well. But rooting out a lack of faith or a sin problem is the first step to take. 

"I'm a Christian"...

All of us like sheep have gone astray, Each of us has turned to his own way; But the LORD has caused the iniquity of us all To fall on Him. Is 53:6

Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God, 2 Cor 3:5

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:1-5

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Recently I encountered a woman who, in an incredulous tone, wondered at how friends of mine can be thriving after the mom in the home committed suicide nearly a year ago. My answer was simple, but certainly not without depth, "God."

Why is it that people cannot believe that God is enough? Perhaps because He is not enough for them. Those who think they have a trusting relationship with Christ may be deceived in their salvation, and it can come out when these rubber-meet-the-road issues surface. 

Perhaps people don't believe God is enough because they do not actually believe in God. They are stuck on why anything bad happens in this world, thinking a good God would not allow any harm to come to people (even people who reject and mock Him). Since bad things happen, they reason there is not a God. 

Perhaps God is not enough for an actual Christian because they are misunderstanding His nature and the world He's placed us in. They think that because we have doctors for the body that we go to when we are sick, we should go first to doctors of the mind (psychiatrists, sociologists, psychologists) for our emotional/mental problems, not realizing our mind is a BATTLEFIELD and Satan knows this all too well. 

What Secular Psychologists Won't Tell You

Life is hard. Death is hard. Suicide is hard. When my closest friend (here in my state) took her own life last year, it caused me to take a hard look at how it could have happened. 

I'm reminded of 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18:

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus. For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord. Therefore comfort one another with these words.

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These words of God are true. If we doubt them, we must take that thinking to its logical conclusion. A person gets cancer and dies...God isn't enough. There is no hope in that...and yet God tells us to hope in Him throughout scripture.

If death is always bad, then does it also follow it is never within  God's will? Is death only acceptable if no wrong was done by anyone along the way? Sometimes death is the best answer for someone, especially a tormented saint that isn't going to be healed this side of Heaven. Yes, Christians can struggle with real sin that leads them to suicide, and Christians can be as right with God as they are able to be and have a mental problem that leads them to suicide. God allows bad things to happen, to the saved and the unsaved. He uses fallible men, and it doesn't necessitate we take up the mantle of correcting that wrong to try to save mankind from a repeat. We have to till our own garden, and the last thing a child whose mom has committed suicide needs is a father consumed with trying to retaliate or get involved in some cause that takes his eyes off what God has clearly called him to.

Death is the consequence of sin, all sin, and just because someone is labeling them self a Christian doesn't mean they are one, quite sadly. If a person is a Christian, it doesn't mean they've done things God's way. And isn't doing things our own way a big part of the problem in this life? Isaiah 53:6 tells us we have all been like sheep going astray, turning to our own way. This is the human way.

Far more often than not, this is what I observe when it comes to depression and anxiety in the life of a Christian, or a "Christian". They start to have a problem, they pray about it and maybe even ask some friends to pray about it. And when it gets really rough, they go to a psychiatrist (man's answers to man's problems), psychologist (same definition only less dangerous because of the medication), or a counselor that may or may not consider them self a Christian. Far too often we do not do things God's way, yet when it all falls apart, the first one to be blamed is God. 

Christians will often hide their struggle as best they can from the one place they need to be transparent--their pastor and their church. But let us back up.

How many Christians struggling with depression are actively serving and worshiping in a Bible believing church? This is step one because a Christian out of fellowship is not where they need to be, and God will allow all manner of things in order to bring that loved one back. Sadly, all too often, serious counseling with one's pastor does not happen, or, the pastor isn't equipped to counsel and the person stops there rather than pressing on to find someone who can help them. Too often a Christian will ignore good counsel and spiral farther and farther down until they are a total wreck and struggling to make any forward progress. We all need to examine ourselves regularly and surround ourselves with friends who are like Nehemiah was to David. A friend who will tell you the truth rather than what you want to hear. A friend who knows the Word of God and how to apply it, at least to some degree. 

If you are a Christian dealing with depression, realize that you first should be a member of a solid church and attending weekly. Read your Bible every day and ask God to transform your thinking. So much of our trouble is based in selfishness and merely trying to avoid serving our husbands and children as we're supposed to (which if done as God says, will bring a lot of fulfillment and joy). So much of our problem is that we are empty vessels expecting others to fill us (husbands, friends, children), leaking love tanks I've heard it called. Years of bitterness, self-pity, seeking to be served rather than serve...it piles up and we find ourselves truly miserable. But the solution is not complicated. It just takes work, the work of getting into the Word and doing what it says. I realize this is not always possible on ones own, depending on how bad off a person is...how long they've let problems go unresolved. 

In these cases, seek the counsel of your pastor or another qualified pastor. God has the answers to our problems, we often complicate them by trying to make them a mental or environmental problem outside of His ways. Let the pastor help you see if you have a sin problem that is causing your angst or sadness. If it is not the cause, then perhaps there is a hormonal problem that needs to be dealt with, but this cannot be known simply by jumping from "I'm a Christian" to a secular or 'Christian' counselor. There are steps to take in between, that more often than not, will get to the root cause.

A lack of forgiveness is a huge reason for mental disturbances in people, and this can easily be overlooked by a world system that doesn't even register this as a bonafide crisis in a life, particularly the life of a believer.  God speaks to us about this in His word. Bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping someone else dies...how many people are walking around bitter and hurting? 

I recall doing a study where it was shown that depression is anger turned inward. Yes, we can be mistreated in terrible ways which makes us angry, but if this anger isn't dealt with biblically, we'll often turn it on our self and it will manifest as depression. 

Years ago I heard a Christian psychiatrist speak about a patient who came to her, and this patient was very depressed. She couldn't figure out the problem, but after a good bit of talking the doctor found out the woman was having an affair. Don't expect to be happy and living in sin as a believer. Thankfully this truly Christian doctor would not prescribe medication to this person. How often are believers walking around disobedient to God and miserable, yet they refuse to see a 'heart' doctor--a biblical (nouthetic) counselor or their pastor, who knows them and sees their lifestyle? 

In talking about counselors: be careful, Christian, who you get your counsel from. There are many wandering about trying to be a voice of instruction and reason, but whom are far from God. Wives who are not submissive to their own husbands, mothers who do not nurture their own children, counselors who have gone in to the field to try to deal with their own demons...Christians whose homes are NOT in order, who ignore basic common sense like eating a balanced diet and going to bed before midnight (and who let their kids do the same), who think they have a major problem but one that could easily be traced back to chronic lack of sleep. Do you know how much a lack of sleep can lead to serious mental problems? I read a book from my pediatrician on this topic when my oldest was an infant and it was a real eye opener. One can easily Google the consequences of chronic lack of sleep in children or adults. Take time to rule out what might seem obvious. A child that grows up in utter chaos with no routine is far more prone to struggling mentally and/or emotionally. There is tons of information out there about this, yet how many set themselves and their kids up for problems in this area and run to the secular doctor for counsel and medication when depression or anxiety set in? People do not want to accept responsibly that their own poor choices have led to, or at least contributed to, the depression they are feeling or the anxiety their kids are feeling. The attitude is safer which says 'this is some big problem totally outside me or anyone who is not a 'professional''....but God is also too small when thinking along this line.

If you are a believer struggling with emotional problems, I'd suggest being in church weekly and reading your Bible daily as step one. Do this for a few months, and if things are still bad try  tracking your eating with My Fitness Pal or some other app to make sure you are getting the nutrition you need. We understand our vehicles need fuel, and in theory that people do, yet how many parents do not train their children (which may mean 'force' by them sitting there until they try it) to try different healthy options at every meal? I see kids today who eat nothing healthy--their parents consider milk a meal, or chicken nuggets and candy staples to rely on. They will spend endless hours on weird therapies, spouting off about the dangers of modern medicine, but won't clean up the rat's nest of a house, put the child in bed at a reasonable time, or make them eat a balanced diet.

Along this line, try getting to bed every night before 11 pm, and make your bed and dress when you get up.  Write out 10 things each day you are thankful for and look for ways to bless those around you who are in your care or worse off. If all of this doesn't help after a couple of weeks, talk to your pastor and start to be regularly counseled for a couple of months. Nouthetic counseling is designed to last about 6 weeks and really helps get to the core of the issues in a life. The person counseling you will see if there is something else going on at this point. Is it organic in nature? Is it a woman dealing with menopause? A medical doctor may be needed if all of the aforementioned steps have been taken and there is no improvement, but first it needs to be determined if sin is the root cause of the problem causing the depression. We can rebel in subtle ways and it will wreak havoc for the child of God. If all of these things haven't helped a true believer improve, there may be a mental problem that a medical doctor needs to be brought in on. Realize this should not be a primary step in the process as it can make things far worse for a Christian whose real issue is sin or some hormonal problem being ignored. This is a fallen world, and people get diseases of the mind unfortunately. But keep in mind that the worldly doctors do not know how to know the whole Christian. They aren't capable of it.

In closing, let me say there are not always answers to our problems that make life as good as we'd like it. Sometimes we're going to suffer in this life until we die and are reunited with the Lord. Death is not failure on God's part. It can be His mercy when a believer has problem that is so bad it will bring shame to His name or cause their loved ones misery. Sometimes in this fallen world all that can be done is done, and things do not look like we want. Don't doubt God or think the world has better answers than He does. That is what unbelievers do. But we have hope in a promise of what is to come, and in a God that is trustworthy and always there.

For more on Christian hope: https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/what-is-so-important-about-christian-hope

It "Seems" Like God's Will

I've been guilty of a bit of mysticism in my Christianity. Wanting signs, looking for them even, but is this God's way? Or does He speak to us through His word, impressing our minds with His will? Is this religion one based on feelings and luck, or something more concrete?

For example, let's say there there is a place I'd wanted to move, and I even prayed about us moving there for a while. Let's say there are people there who I really like and respect. Maybe we have things in common with them that we don't have with others. Maybe my kids would even benefit from being around them. If years later a job offer came to us which would have us moving to that area, it could be a struggle for me to not think that the job is God's will based on past events. Thankfully I don't make decisions based on this sort of situation, but the thoughts would be in the back of my mind.

Example 2: Let's say I wanted a 2nd dog since before we got the dog we have, who is over a year old. A day after my puppy's heat cycle started I learned of a yellow lab mix that needed a home, and it was free! A heat cycle lasts 21 days, so I prayed during that time for the dog to be taken by someone else if it wasn't for us. Lo and behold, the dog was still available, so I was going to move forward and check this dog out. In an extreme case, I could have just adopted the dog assuming it was God's will since the dog wasn't taken, however, I met the dog and had concerns. Because of my prayers and how they went, I still went through with a meet and greet with my dog and this other dog. That meeting gave enough evidence that my concerns were very well founded, and a call to my kennel owner who is also a dog trainer confirmed my thoughts. This available dog that looked so perfect was totally wrong for us.

A feeling of great relief can come when doors close that aren't right for us, no matter how close the situations look to things we've wanted.

I'm not sure why God has me learning this lesson right now, but He's used situations like this in my life in succession. They go along well with Christian Hero's Then and Now Elizabeth Elliot story. She went through a great deal just to get the calling from God to go to Ecuador. It could have been seamless and smooth, but would she have been convinced the calling was truly hers from the Lord? She needed that confidence. It is only through prayer and careful thinking that we can discern God's will. Sometimes it also takes time. Do not look for signs and wonders, but be in God's word and pour out your desires to Him through prayer. He will bring to pass what He wills for His children. (the first step is being in a saving relationship with God because of Christ)

Trusting Jesus

1. Simply trusting every day,
   Trusting through a stormy way;
   Even when my faith is small,
   Trusting Jesus, that is all.
   • Refrain:
     Trusting as the moments fly,
     Trusting as the days go by;
     Trusting Him whate’er befall,
     Trusting Jesus, that is all.
2. Brightly doth His Spirit shine
   Into this poor heart of mine;
   While He leads I cannot fall;
   Trusting Jesus, that is all.
3. Singing if my way is clear,
   Praying if the path be drear;
   If in danger for Him call;
   Trusting Jesus, that is all.
4. Trusting Him while life shall last,
   Trusting Him till earth be past;
   Till within the jasper wall,
   Trusting Jesus, that is all.

Reformation Day

Oct 30, 2017

I'm excited to be focusing on the Reformation and the importance of it. 500 yrs is nothing small, and how amazing what has happened in the world and church since Martin Luther nailed his 95 theses to the door of Wittenberg church. To celebrate, we watched Martin Luther, the black and white movie, and had a discussion about the fact that others before Luther also saw the corruption of the Catholic church, but Luther brought the issue to the masses. His studies gave voice and broadness to the problems within the Catholic church, starting with the selling of indulgences to control the people and keep the coffers full, and finally going to the heart of what it means to be in relationship with Jesus Christ. We are saved by grace alone through faith alone, and nothing we do and no amount of money changes that. It is a sad and disgraceful reality that the Catholic church still sells indulgences today as a way of raising funds. This is wholly heretical.

I'm grateful for the freedom to stand contrary to our culture on October 31st and proactively promote the truth to my family. It is a prime day to be in the world and not of it, celebrating the deep spiritual heritage we have. I liken it to why a Christian college is ideal for a believer--not only do you miss out on the falsehoods being taught and the dangers of the world, but you also get solid years of Bible teaching that you may miss out on otherwise. Celebrating the Reformation keeps us from bad things and also gives us good things.

Focusing on the wonderful history of October 31st isn't lost on a worldly, wicked holiday. I want to take every opportunity to bring glory to God in truth, and not use unbiblical methods to bring people in to the church through substitutionary events. We are to use the Bible's methods to teach the Bible's truths, and trying to make people feel comfortable by hosting pseudo Halloween events in a church in the hope one day they'll come back is not the Bible's method. People don't cozy up to Christianity, nor do they soften to the idea of it. Realize that this is the issue plaguing the church in America. Far too many churches adopt the notion that looking like the world will draw people in, but it doesn't. It only weakens the body of believers, which is supposed to be set apart. Remember, it was Catholics who used psychology to learn to look the world to then attempt to draw those lost people in to the church. Looking like the world reduces the church to what it is never supposed to be, and while that is happening, who is acting like the church?

The cross is a stumbling block and the gospel is to be shared with people directly. We've been in a church that really knew how to play the 'maybe they'll catch Christianity' game...give them a backpack of school supplies and maybe one day they'll say, "Those people at the church cared about me, I'll go there...". No folks, we can't pretend we're one thing then do a little switcharoo. The purpose of the church is to openly proclaim the gospel. No other organization or group does that. If we stop doing that, or are seen as a fun social gathering place, we're diluting, or worse, denying, our purpose. Many groups and organizations run great social causes, but they will never be a CHURCH. Only one place can be a church, and it needs to stay true to its cause. We aren't going to be all things--we need to do what we're designed to do, and the purpose of the church is to edify the saints and equip them. It is a place to bring glory to God alongside fellow believers who then go out and share the truth through words, deeds, and by living a life for God. We will be different from all other places and people, and that is one thing God uses to draw the lost to Himself.

Nowhere in the Bible is there an example of a disciple pretending like they weren't a disciple, or striving to look like the lost in order to maybe later, someday, share the truth. It isn't how it was done.

Tomorrow marks a special day that should be recognized for what it is. The issues Luther dealt with are still issues today, and those who don't know history are bound to repeat it. We are missing out on a good opportunity as Christians when we fail to celebrate the Reformation and how it is still needed today.

Our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the spiritual forces of darkness.

Harvest Festivals at Church

Why don't I care for Harvest Festivals at church? Am I against fun? Candy? 

People coming in to the church do not know what the church is about, at least if it is an outreach type of event they won't. They will get their impression of what the church represents during a time of the church trying to look like the world. They will not find much different from what they have known, particularly younger children. Kids will be dressed up, candy will be given out, booths will be set up...fun Halloween celebrating.   

Unbelievers should always find the Gospel at church. The church isn't being the church if people come and find what they already have or agree with. If the church is not being the church, then who is?

Al Mohler on Yoga

Should Christians Practice Yoga-Al Mohler

The last paragraph of this article sums the issue of Christians and yoga up well. If you are a Christian, especially a Christian woman without strong, godly leadership from your husband, please consider this article. I say that because the yoga movement is infiltrating our culture through the daughters of Eve primarily.
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The embrace of yoga is a symptom of our postmodern spiritual confusion, and, to our shame, this confusion reaches into the church. Stefanie Syman is telling us something important when she writes that yoga “has augured a truly post-Christian, spiritually polyglot country.” Christians who practice yoga are embracing, or at minimum flirting with, a spiritual practice that threatens to transform their own spiritual lives into a “post-Christian, spiritually polyglot” reality. Should any Christian willingly risk that?

Parental Rights Amendment Reintroduced

Contact Your Senators in Support of Parental Rights Amendment

 

A message from Mike Smith

Dear HSLDA Members and Friends:   Now that the Parental Rights Amendment to the U.S. Constitution has been reintroduced in the U.S. Senate, we need your help to add cosponsors. Will you stand with us to protect children and ensure that no family in our nation ever goes through what Charlie Gard and his parents had to suffer in the U.K.?

Action Requested   Here are three ways that you can help push the Parental Rights Amendment through the Senate:   Call your two U.S. senators at the Capitol switchboard, 202-224-3121, and ask them to cosponsor the Parental Rights Amendment. Your message can be as simple as this: "Thank you for taking my call today. I urge the senator to cosponsor S.J.Res. 48, Senator Lindsey Graham's Parental Rights Amendment. This amendment will ensure that loving parents are able to raise, educate, and nurture their own children, free from government control or restrictions."   If you have additional time, go to www.senate.gov, use the "Find Your Senators" link in the upper left corner by the American flag, and follow the "contact" links to send them an email with the same wording (or add in an additional message explaining why protecting parental rights is important to you).   And if you have the time to meet with your senators or their staff during the August recess, then we encourage you to call their office (either in Washington, D.C., using the number above, or by calling a district office) and ask to make an appointment before Labor Day. This can be a great opportunity to take your children and other families with you to meet your elected officials and ask them to support the Parental Rights Amendment.

Grateful for Support   We are grateful to already have the support of Senator Lindsey Graham (SC), who introduced the Parental Rights Amendment, and Senators Marco Rubio (FL), Roy Blunt (MO), Jim Risch (ID), Chuck Grassley (ID), and Johnny Isakson (GA), who have signed on as original cosponsors. If you do not know who your two U.S. senators are, you can find out by using our HSLDA Legislative Toolbox.   Thank you for standing with us for freedom.

Comfortable People

You know how you can be around someone and almost immediately, you can tell the comfort level is one of those that is unique? It isn't stressful to be around them and the conversation flows readily...

In the past I would be very excited about such times to where I'd think that a super close friendship was possibly on the horizon. This was when I craved close relationships and sought them out--prayed for them even.

But now I see it as a sweet opportunity from the Lord to just enjoy such company, and hopefully be a blessing. A part of me is changed forever when it comes to relationships since my friend committed suicide. It isn't merely that she took her own life, it is something that started in my life before I even knew her. It's a topic I recently read about in When People Are Big and God is Small regarding how we aren't created with the need for people in a psychological way, but rather we have physical and spiritual needs that should be what drives our actions. God meets our needs as we focus upward and outward, but the more we feed our personal 'needs', the more we focus inward. Focusing inward is not a focus on the Lord.

There are days and times where a person touches something in our hearts, or where through interactions with them God harkens a part of our hearts that has a little wound. This week as we come to my friend's birthday, I find myself thinking about her. I'm not missing her in the same way I have been, but rather am just thinking about her and the loss we've all dealt with. Sometimes it is too much to ponder why she did what she did, and it can be hard to keep thinking 'if she just hadn't...'.

So this is a thank you to the young bride I was blessed to share breakfast with at my house. She'll never see this post, but she was used to bless me today and awaken fond memories of God's faithfulness through our talking.

Seasons of Change

I was talking to an old homeschooling friend who I go to church with today, and it occurred to me how much my life has changed in regard to homeschooling over the last 4 or 5 years. When my oldest was still in elementary school you could barely have a discussion with me that didn't end up at home education in one way or the other. For years there were many people I talked to about starting the process, and many joined a group I was a part of and taught in. In short, I loved to school my kids, was passionate about it, and more than eager to help others get on the same track.

Here we are now with just 2 years left of my oldest's education at home, and a lot has changed. No longer do I feel competent to teach everything. The days of me scheduling everyone on an excel spreadsheet are not gone, but they are different. I now schedule all of their online classes and I make sure people have computers when they need them. I sign them up for classes and work a bit to help pay for them, and I'm back to teaching literature--though this time it isn't volunteer.

It took a few years for me to accept the reality that for us, homeschooling wasn't going to mean A Beka book around a table up through high school. I felt I was failing as I realized I couldn't give my kids the education my husband and I felt was right. He kept assuring me that success didn't mean I taught it all, and that moving to a facilitator role was just as important, only different.

Once I accepted that, things got a lot easier and I felt freed up to do other things with the time now open. Instead of the kids doing a lot of chores during the school year, those are back on mom. I manage the house and cooking so they can be free to study, and they sure study hard during school months. I don't really feel like a homeschooler, nor am I an avid advocate of mom teaching it 'all' as I once was. I honestly don't think one woman can teach multiple grades effectively most of the time. There is a good place for co-ops and online classes. We're blessed to be able to do live online classes. If we couldn't, I'd gladly get some DVD's for learning.

Do I feel like a failure now that I'm only teaching 2 classes in my home next year and one outside my home (to kids who aren't mine)? Nope. I feel grateful my kids are entering 7th, 9th, and 11th grades and are doing really well. I've realized my limitations with teaching, and my own drive, and am OK with that. Young children were a lot easier for me to teach and I had a personal conviction to be the one teaching them everything but Latin. It has been a blessing to entrust others, who fully understand the subject matter, with instructing my kids. As I've just completed each one's excel spreadsheet and finalized the master sheet for this year, I'm looking forward to the different needs of my older children. I'm grateful I don't have to try to cook, clean, teach them everything, and be the counselor, overseer, advisor...I can be mom a lot more during these years when they need that.

Do I miss those early years wrought with hands-on teaching? Hours of sitting around the table, doing projects together, taking field trips, learning to read and teach reading? No, but I sure cherish those memories.

Frugal Living

Love this article.
http://www.businessinsider.com/how-much-doctors-earn-spend-2017-7

Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace goes along nicely with this on the "how to's" of changing your life.

Ease

Life is so much more emotional and stressful when having friends is seen as critical to a happy life. When the day to day focus is on nurturing relationships, it communicates something to your kids as well as continually feeding your own mind and heart--that you are needy in some capacity and other people are going to have to fill that need.

When People Are Big and God is Small is a great book to address this problem. I realize some won't see this as a problem, but boy let me assure you as someone reformed from this way of thinking, it IS.

There is a healthy perspective on friends and how much time they take, and then there is a dependence that often leaves responsibilities left undone.

Just today I spoke to a woman who started crying because one of her children doesn't have any friends. I understand this being something to burden a parent. We all want our kids to have friends or at least one friend, but the truth is, this is not a problem. God fills needs and if we are living for Him, we have to trust Him with the details. So often He keeps friendships from budding for a reason. Often people hide from their true problems by filling their life with friends, or they can't really live their lives on their own, so they require other people to fill in gaps. I understand some people need help to live their lives due to being single, having a spouse that is gone from home often, or due to having a lot of kids. But ideally teens should rely on their family and not require friends to get through the days and the responsibilities they have. Independence is important, and often we don't learn to lean on God if we have friends to drown out the need we have which is meant for Him alone.

When our focus is on being holy and serving God, there is a massive shift in how we order our days and how we spend our time. No longer do we see ourselves as people who need others in order to be fulfilled, whether our need is that we get something or we have a need to give something. When our days are spent serving the King of Kings rather than socializing, it builds in to our kids and our own psyche a mentality that is never 'desperate' for friends.

Sadly our society, through Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and pop culture feeds this narcissistic mentality that we must be around other people in order to be happy and whole. And not just around them, but interacting daily with them. Too many teens live this way and it is all about feeding their pleasures. They are only happy when they are being useless to society and hanging out with friends...playing music, playing games, dancing...

This may sound direct, but folks, it is the truth. The seeming epidemic of depression and anxiety with people in our society would be largely cured if parents stopped being so needy and spent their own time serving others and looking upward and outward. Instead parents complain about the work they have, they want life to be all about the fun, they find duty a drag and something to lament, and they don't require their kids to value work. So then it is all about how to build up their self-esteem and hundreds of dollars goes to that, when the problem is a fundamental core belief about life and living that has been instilled in them since birth.

This post started because it was about ease and friendship. Here is a truth I've found. Ease comes when you work and teach your children to work. It comes when friendship is a result of service and not a goal in and of itself. Ease comes when life is driven by duty and faithfulness, not pleasure-seeking. Through work, we find the peace and simplicity we long for. Ease doesn't come from avoiding work.

What No One Dreams Of

No one plans to grow up to then end their life.

No one plans to become an alcoholic.

No one dreams of being a drug addict.

No one hopes for being abused, or abusing. 

Few at the altar are planning the day they break their spouses heart and leave them.

But people do commit suicide.

People do take that first drink, risking a lifetime of regret.

People are fooled into thinking they can do a line once, or smoke some weed just occassionally. 

People do get abused, and someone is abusing them. 

When these things happen to us, around us, to those we love, around those we love, the question isn't 'why can't God fix it or stop it or make it not happen?'

The question should be, 'why didn't God fix it or stop it or make it not happen?', because He could have. 

But then this wouldn't be a fallen world, and that was not His choice--for us to live in a fallen world. He created, blessed, and let man do what he would. Man sinned. 

And God intervened, offering forgiveness and grace to those who would accept His provision of a perfect sacrifice to stand in our place as the payment for our sin. A system set up whereby a blood sacrifice is all that could wash away sin once and for all.

Oh, I know it sounds like a fairytale in some way and to some people. I wasn't born a follower of Jesus Christ; none of us are. But unless someone is living in utter denial, it is apparent we all sin, which means falling short of God's standard of perfect holiness. He didn't have to offer a way out of our sin. He doesn't have to allow any of us into Heaven, but the fact is, some of us will get to go. It isn't because of our goodness or brightness, but because we respond in faith to the calling of His Holy Spirit. Does His Spirit call everyone the same? I don't think so, and what does it really matter? If He is calling you, then you must respond. 

What life brings our way isn't the issue. The issue is this, what are we going to do with the hand we're dealt? It was said well in Rocky 6 when Rocky is talking to his son outside his restaurant. 

"The question isn't how hard you get hit, the question is how many times can you get hit and keep moving forward?" (apologies if I'm off here a bit)

We have to keep moving forward. We have to forgive. I was listening to a John MacArthur sermon tonight that stated the greatest thing we can do to be like God is to forgive others. 

Amen.

What Secular Psychologists Won't Tell You

Ebates

I'm trying not to be sad that I joined Ebates in 2013 and am only now using it. My first check is on the way. It is nuts to not get paid to shop where I normally do online. Ebay and Vitacost have a sweet % back and I love both of those!

Here is my link if you want to join and give me credit!!

https://www.ebates.com/r/JJWOLL2?eeid=28187

Money back for things you'd buy anyway...so cool!

Summer is Here for Real

You know it is summer when VBS outreach has occurred and the pool is open every day. Today we did some outreach with a friend since it was raining last night for our last official time and it went great. Afterward we all enjoyed hitting the pool; our first time to get there this year since weekends are so busy in June.

It is such a great feeling to have my oldests high school records to date all set and ready in the binder. Her transcript looks terrific, thanks to her dad. We're doing all we can to prepare her for whatever God calls her to; it will be a joy to learn what that is when the time comes! As our oldest has gotten to this point in high school, we are so glad we didn't keep her a year ahead academically. She will be reluctant to leave the nest as a normal aged senior in high school, let alone one that is a year younger than the norm. When she was in 4th grade we made this call, realizing that we weren't going to want to send her out in the the world as a 17 yr old girl. She did 4th grade a 2nd time, though we kept advancing her academics. Now she is simply ahead in some areas with high school, but also right on track in others since it is easy to make adjustments along the way. One plus to doing things this way is that she finished AP Latin as a 10th grader, giving her the freedom to have more time for languages in upper high school should she want to take a 3rd foreign one.

Raising Christian daughters is challenging. In this liberal culture to train them to be a submissive wife is one thing, but then to instill as best you can Biblical roles and values, but educate and equip them to stand on their own and make a good living should they not get married (but be willing to give up whatever career they've been preparing for should they be so blessed...). With sons it is just so cut and dry--make as good a living as you can, for yourself or hopefully, for your wife and kids one day. Mothers of sons, rejoice in this! Seriously.

Tomorrow is Father's Day. What a joy to celebrate godly fathers that lead and sacrifice for us.

Old Letters

Saved email is one of those things that can help or haunt after someone dies.

It feels so 'current time' and can make me want to respond.

If only the person on the other end would receive it.

When I read, "I am here to listen and talk anytime,", I want to shout, "NO YOU AREN'T!"

Not anymore.

This particular email was from a year and 9 months ago.

We were so close.

I am different now.

I don't think she would feel good about how I've changed, but that is because it is hard to explain why this is better. No one can convince me that God hasn't been trying to teach me to not get too close to people. I think there are two reasons, well, there are more probably but these are two I'm sure of.

1. I need to go to God and fully trust Him alone rather than putting people first.
2. I can help those in need better if I've got proper boundaries set up.

I know I've been hurt a lot more than I should have been because of putting so much in to friendship and not receiving the same. My need level was too high and my heart was far too wrapped up. I need to be real with people and caring, but not expect us to be soul-mates. Life can be hard. We all make choices on how we spend our time and we prioritize the people in our lives differently.

It has been 3 months.

I miss my friend.

Expectations of Those in Ministry

It is Mother's Day and I could write about my Mom or my Mother-in-Law, or my step-mother, who is the only one living out of that esteemed list. Instead, however, I shall write about Mom's in ministry, specifically pastor's wives. 

I wonder if anyone tells those who marry a pastor to be ready to share everything about their life with the rest of the world. Does this blushing bride, who is surely committed to serving her husband, realize the expectations that will be placed upon her gentle shoulders? Does she realize family time will be interrupted at all hours, that finances will be strained at times in order to help those in need, and that she alone will not be able to have her husband's undivided attention as other wives do?

Does anything prepare the wife of a young pastor for what will come when God blesses her with children? She may understand that much of the child-rearing will fall to her just like with any mom whose husband has a demanding job. She may be prepared to cook, clean and even homeschool, but has she been prepared for the expectations so many pastor's wives deal with? The scrutiny of her babes and the lack of understanding if they fail to be polite or well-dressed may surprise her, but surely this was in the contract of marriage, right? Is she ready for people to think that not only she, but her offspring, are perfect?

What of the people who sit back wanting to see the pastor's children fail in some way? People who are short-sighted and think that well behaved children don't sin, who want to see calamity come so they feel better about their children who are not as trained in a public setting...does anyone help the young pastor's wife prepare for this?

I wonder if anyone tells the sweet ladies called to serve alongside their servant husbands that one day, if God blesses them with children who find lifelong mates, that those mates will have expectations aplenty placed upon them, even before they actually join the family? If the pastor and his wife have a son, do they know that there is a chance their future daughter-in-law will not get to have the wedding she's always dreamed of, for example? Is this something that has been laid out, that she who marries the son of a pastor should be prepared to meet the needs of strangers when it comes to the most important celebration in her life (to date)? 

How about the daughter of a pastor when it comes time for her to marry? Is there any legitimate excuse for her to not do what those in the church want when it comes to her wedding? How can she be so brazen as to think that only close family and friends should be at her wedding? I mean, doesn't everyone in a church love and feel close to everyone else? Aren't we above human emotion if we are part of the pastor's family? And don't we have endless resources? Aren't all pastor's children extroverts--comfortable in large crowds of people?

Don't we as the lay people in the church want to invite everyone to the most important events in our lives? A wedding, a death, a special birthday--nothing is off limits, right?

Or are we, the lay people in the church, privileged to enjoy a unique privacy?  Is it not found in the Bible that our leaders, God's under-shepherds, are to sacrifice everything all the time while those being shepherded get to pick and choose?? 

One would think this is written somewhere by the petty attitudes of people in the church when it comes to the leadership and their personal lives. 

It isn't ENOUGH that the pastor sacrifices continually for his flock.

It isn't enough his WIFE sacrifices and works her fingers to the bone for the benefit of the church. 

It isn't even enough that their CHILDREN work and sacrifice and grow up having served more by age 18 than many of us do in a lifetime.

Those children's future spouses are also on the hook to be and do what the people in the church want, the way they want. 


Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you. Luke 6:31


If you will welcome those just saved with any sort of background into your most special celebrations; if you will welcome any number of people to an event that is already costly; if you will welcome strangers; if you will have a dream and give it up because people you barely know or don't know want you to--then by all means, make demands of other people to do all of these things.

If you are not willing to do the aforementioned things, then perhaps consider focusing on how much the leaders in the church do for you, and let them have the same special opportunities in life that you've had. How about find a special way to welcome a new husband or wife in to your church that doesn't include you being easily offended? How about trying to understand that a young pastor's wife with a lot of little kids is going to have hard days, too? How about praying for those new to leadership and who are struggling to give up their privacy? 

How we welcome those new to our fellowships, and how we treat the families of our pastors, can make lifelong impacts on them. Let us try to put others' needs first, no matter what their position in the church.

The pastor's wives and missionary wives I have known were prepared well by God for the job He's called them to, but I know that pain along the way could be averted if people treated them the same way they wish to be treated. I know that by and large many pastor's families pour into their church and do not receive the understanding they richly bestow, and this is not OK with me.

Just some thoughts on this Mother's Day.

Missing Terri

I'm not sure why there are times I think of Terri and the pain of missing her swallows me up, but when I'm at places where I've got memories of being with her, it happens the most. I just wish she were still here. I can't believe she is gone and not coming back. How did she miss my oldest's birthday? She turned 16 and Terri would have been so excited and done special things. Now I will be celebrating Terri's daughter turning 16 and doing special things, only Terri won't be there. This is not how it was supposed to go. We were supposed to keep raising our girls together and talking about all the things to come, all the difficult changes, all the special milestones. We were supposed to toy with the idea of my oldest going on a cruise with them sometime. We were supposed to dream about her getting to move around and be near the coast, which I wanted for my own life but which she didn't for hers.

But then the darkness came.

I know I don't need her anymore because if I did, God wouldn't have allowed this, but it doesn't always feel that way.

Each day I have to work to focus on Jesus more than other people. I have to remember the Holy Spirit indwells me and is my Counselor. I have to keep working hard to find the proper emotional balance in friendships since I've spent my life getting in too deep. I've had the pain of letting go of a closest friend just a couple other times in this life, and this is the worst because we didn't drift apart. There weren't any indications that this was coming. I wasn't pulling back; she wasn't either. I didn't know she was leaving. And I'm not sure how long she knew she was leaving.

Who am I now that I'm about to turn 43 and my closest friend in this state committed suicide? I wish my life would not have been touched by this, but it is another scar in a life marred by so many, but which has been redeemed by Christ alone. He brings beauty from ashes. Great is His faithfulness. I need Him tonight to help me. I don't deal with darkness, but I know its power a little and I hate it.

Romance...Dating

I love sitting in my family room with our sweet 10 month old puppy snoozing. It is not something I do alone often, but when it happens, like tonight, it is fun. 

I've had something rolling about in my mind and am finally getting time to put my thoughts down. It is regarding dating, courtship, and how to learn to deal with the opposite sex. 

Our church youth group is a perfect scenario for boys and girls to interact and learn how to 'be' around each other. There is serious study time with this group twice weekly, and about twice per month there is a large group activity. During these the kids all play games together, talk, eat, and hone their social skills in an appropriate, monitored environment. There isn't any need for dating in order for them to learn how to properly 'be' with each other. It is something I didn't appreciate for a long time; I hadn't really thought about the benefits of youth activities, but this is a major one and something I truly appreciate. It takes a lot of time and resources and our youth pastor puts his heart and soul in to these events as well as the solid teaching he provides.

In thinking about hearts, I've been reminded recently that the heartache that accompanies dating in the secular use of the word is completely unnecessary and avoidable. Why people buy in to the world's idea on getting your heart all wrapped up with someone of the opposite sex eludes me. Not only did I experience the downside of that notion, I've watched it for years in the secular sense and the "Christian" sense. I've seen how that closeness in dating is a distraction from what matters in the teen years and how it often leads to poor choices, and sometimes, serious consequences. But it doesn't have to be that way. Even if nothing physical happens, as in many "Christian" dating scenarios, the relationship goes beyond where it should on an emotional level and the fallout can take years to recover from. Something doesn't have to have been done wrong in order for a better route to be available. Something doesn't have to have been done wrong to realize how you did it wasn't ideal. Sadly, too many parents allow great permissiveness with teens in this area while not having a proportionate level of responsibility in place. This imbalance lends itself to the drama and emotional distress kids experience when they get their heart entwined with someone through dating.

Dating is a word that has many defining points, and for this discussion, I'll define it as a relationship between a man and woman that is exclusive and involves seeing one another often, regular communication, time alone together, and some measure of physical contact or closeness where it is the couple who decides the tone and pace of the relationship with little oversight from others. It is not meant to be long term but sometimes turns in to a long term situation or leads to marriage, but it is not entered in to for that reason. 

I'm sure there are better definitions, such as what I'll find in a couple of books a friend of mine just loaned me. The contrast of courtship to dating, using my definition or any other, is that courtship is set up for the couple to get to know each other without the strong emotional tie that leaves one heartbroken if things don't work out. Ideally there will be more scenarios of disappointment rather than crazy lamenting if the courtship ends. This is because parents or mature friends have been involved in the courtship, helping the couple spend time together but not alone to the same degree as dating. This is not just to help with physical temptation, which the world likes to pretend doesn't exist, but also to help keep the emotions from getting too hot and heavy before the proper time. We all know passions come and go, and the high you get when first around someone you are interested in changes over time into something different if you actually stick with them, so learning about a person of the opposite sex without all the hormonal charge allows you to get to know them with your mind. As you go along any red flags that come up can be dealt with in a careful way that doesn't have a lot of collateral damage.  Courtship is about marriage, God's design for the male/female relationship. It is done prayerfully and carefully, and it isn't distracting nor is it for kids who are not of marrying age.

As I tell my children all the time: you have your whole life to be grown up with grown up responsibilities. Right now relish in the time spent with family, for it will never be this way again--all of us under the same roof with loads of time to spend together. Don't awaken love before its time. When it is time, it will be great and you'll be able to do something about it, but for now, study hard, learn all you can about God, enjoy the family God has given you, and keep your eyes fixed on Christ. He will work out His will for your life. Don't presume anything by 'playing marriage'. For parents, do we know if God intends our kids to marry? Why pretend that we know they will and get their minds fixated on that when it is entirely possible He has other plans for their life? I don't want to make any of my kids feel that marriage is the only acceptable route for them to take in this life. This is another reason they need to focus on being educated and becoming contributing members of society. Equip them in all areas and keep asking God to guide them. Being close to family is a great way to learn how to be an adult with a family of ones' own.

For these reasons, I'm learning more about courtship and what we want to suggest to our kids when they are old enough to think about it. Not only my experience, but the experiences of those around me and what I see in the Bible have me more convinced than ever that dating is not the best option for people interested in marrying or who want to spend time with the opposite sex. God has given many venues to get to know people and have fun that have nothing to do with dating.

Gaining Time

A few months ago I began praying about how I use my free time. Free time being anything outside of my family responsibilities, side jobs I take on, and church involvement. From hobbies like gardening, to TV, to Internet, to friends, to ministries on the side that are outside of church--it all goes in the 'free time' category in my mind.

Losing the friend I saw and talked to the most recently really brought this issue to the forefront. I have more free time now, and over the last decade God has been trying to show me something about how I relate to Him and how I spend my time. Where do I go when I need someone to talk to? What is my first 'to do' when I find I've gotten the house cleaned, the dishes done, meals are under control and I've logged my food for that day? (Yes, the latter is a regular thing as I strive to go down a size or two... still)

I've been praying more and asking God for opportunities to use the gifts He's given me, and it has been a very good week on that front. It is such a great feeling when God gives us people to minister to. Even today, my son and I saw a woman who needed help with a flat tire and since we keep an electric pump with us in our vehicle, it was a no-brainer. Just being aware of what is going on around us and not in a big rush--a plug for good time management is that it affords us opportunities to listen when someone needs to talk or help someone in need.

The older I get the more precious time and opportunities are. I love Jesus and want God to use me--to work through me. I'm not able to do a lot, but through me He can do a tremendous amount. I have spent far too much time 'not' talking to Jesus like I did when I was a newer believer and far too much time thinking mainly of getting outside mom mode.

I love being a mom; it is the best thing in life for me. I love being a wife and a homemaker, too. With all of the deaths this year between Greenfield, church, and that of my good friend, it can't be missed that there is no guarantee how long I'll have my family or how long I'll have opportunities to serve here on Earth. When it was just me and the Lord, I was consumed with sharing the truth with everyone, and I want to get back to Him using me like that again.

24A man of too many friends comes to ruin,

But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

When Flexible Equals Chaos

Years ago the phrase, "We're so busy!" was my nemesis. It became hackneyed beyond the pale to hear people exclaim, with exasperation but also a subtle pride, that their life was far more 'full' than everyone else and therefore they couldn't be relied on to respond to emails in a timely fashion, be on time, or be available to get together...you get the idea. They deserved special acceptance for why they were unreliable or always in a near panic.

Fast forward 6 years and the culture has clearly adopted the belief that being flexible is a virtue. 'Don't worry about keeping the date set because I'm happy to change it. My willingness to give you alternatives to the time you've already set aside in your schedule shows that I'm flexible (and therefore, good). If you aren't willing to work around my new need, you are not as virtuous as someone who is.'

Never-mind the chaos this brings to a schedule. Far too many live in chaos all the time so they can't even recognize it.

The problem with this notion is that once you allow it as part of your normal, it takes up residence. If people think they can make changes to your schedule regularly, they will.

I counter with the reality that too much flexibility breeds chaos and the life lived is lived less well.

If you are the one setting the schedule and need to make a change, canceling should be just as valid an option as offering an alternative time. Be it for a lesson you are offering or a class you are teaching in the home as a homeschool mom. It shouldn't be presented as you being wonderful for offering other times when you are the one cancelling. Be wonderful by accepting responsibility that you are going to miss out on having class that day or will make less money and be inconvenienced because you've decided, for whatever reason, to make a change. 'You've decided"--you aren't a victim, even if something else has caused you to have to cancel...when you are the person directly in front of someone else being impacted, it is now on you. Don't expect, subtly or overtly, others to work around you. Life IS busy and we all have full schedules. Some of us are managing many other people, as in a household, or for kids in school, they have a lot of responsibilities they are trying to manage. Making changes to routine appointments always adds an element of chaos and change that must be communicated to everyone, so expecting people to see that dynamic as equivalent to the routine is presumptuous and insensitive, and in certain cases, unprofessional.

It is generally people who don't see the value in down time, or who are incapable of having a set schedule, who are most willing to be flexible. Those who have full schedules, which also include down time that they've worked in to their day/week, are seen as inflexible and therefore, rigid. Too rigid. It is implied that those who stick to a plan are less accommodating, because of course they ARE to those who want to change things up at will. Sticking to a schedule to benefit your family or self, however, is accommodating. To your family or to yourself. It isn't wicked to know your own limits or those of your family and strive to stick to them as much as you can. How often do we tell our child to 'know thyself' and be wise?

Should we go out of our way to accommodate others sometimes, if we can? Of course, but it shouldn't be asked of us in an expected way that often. This is a good thing to teach our children, for we all know they will have to work to not have their days and nights filled continually, unable to plan for down time if they give that freedom over to those around them. Other people will find a way to fill all of their time or make it so they are often shifting things around because sadly, many many people in our culture cannot live by self-imposed restrictions. They require externals to bring them any measure of order. 

Know thyself and know others, and deal circumspectly with both. 

Choosing Peace

I recall hearing, when I was a much younger woman, older women stating how they would not want to go back and relive their younger years. I couldn't really comprehend why that would be. Youth seemed to be the *best* there was. My body was tone, my weight ideal, hair silky and long, expression full of zest...and confidence wasn't lacking either!

This was what my 20's were characterized by, with an unhealthy dose of chaos. 

Chaos, my husband told me, that I often sought out and thrived on. It was one of many observations he'd make, that in time I'd come to agree with. In time.

A characteristic of human behavior is that oftentimes when something we do is pointed out to us as a negative, rather than seriously consider the truth that could be there, we will start working to disprove what the other person has observed. We'll consciously or unconsciously work to 'show' them we really do have a problem or we really don't choose to make life harder.

For this reason, as I've aged, I've stopped giving unsolicited advice a lot of the time, which is also something I've learned from my husband. There is a time and a place, and it is rarely the time to offer an opposing opinion not sought out. People do what they want to do and what they've determined in their mind needs to happen. Whether it does or doesn't is moot in a mind made up. 

Back to chaos. 

Chaotic living is often a learned behavior. Women, particularly young women, seem to find it preferable to jump from one thing to another, avoiding the consistency that brings peace and steadfastness. They think there is more virtue in big productions, multi-tasking or tackling numerous projects--all of which 'give them permission' to be scatter-brained, forgetful, or late. Young women who are like this and do not learn to see this pattern and correct it, will carry it into their marriage, and if they don't marry a steady man who sees this AND can help them change, their life will be hectic for the duration. Their children will in turn learn that life is unpredictable, wild, unplanned and unscheduled. It is a generational problem that breeds ineffectual living in many ways. 

Chaos. 

There are enough aspects of life that truly are out of our control, so why create scenarios that add more chaos than is needed? It is like holiday promotions in stores. Thanksgiving hasn't happened yet Christmas items are out, and before New Years Eve has passed, we're thinking of Valentine's Day...this is what you can make your life into. Finish one 'project' and jump right into another one with a sense of urgency that is unwarranted. 

I resist this sort of living. It is not always easy. People do not understand. People who don't want to be home or can't sit still do not comprehend the need to have open time in one's schedule. People who get their self worth from relationships with other people feel something is missing if they have too much time alone, which can be translated as 'any time alone'. 

I want to live intentionally, and I want my children to live intentionally. I want my value and their value to come from serving the Lord through a quiet life conformed to the image of Jesus. I don't want that to mean living in the limelight, for me or them. I don't want it to mean showing their talents to the world at every opportunity, or having to be with other people for a sense of fulfillment. I don't see those characteristics in the Bible as virtues. 

Social media lends itself largely to living in chaos, living unfulfilled, wasting time on fruitless ventures that give a false sense of importance. I want God to give us opportunities to serve Him meaningfully and in ways that have time for contemplation, staying the course He's set for us, and finishing what we've started well.
 

The Memorial Service

I love this picture of Terri and our kids. She was watching them while the Mister and I were away celebrating our anniversary. She was so much fun and gave herself to relationships. It is why we got so close. She let me in, and she did things to demonstrate her interest in our lives. I could never be as resourceful as her, nor as creative. Her energy was so high.

The service today was beautiful. A clear gospel presentation, albeit a little strong with demeanor and abrupt in some regards. I'm so glad all the friends could sit together.

It is so difficult to accept that this person full of life is gone forever, and the ending was so terrible. I miss our talks and thinking about the future together, but it was hard for her and getting harder. All of the uncertainty...

Prayers for her family left behind...

Comparing Classical Curriculum Routes for Middle and High School

Mapping out how to tackle middle and high school can be tricky, so it is better to start looking as your student gets higher in elementary school than to wait until they are a rising 9th grader. Realize the math/science connection as kids reach high school, and what the standards are in general. I've linked to some classical schools to help give some perspective, as well as governor's school. We also found that in public schools kids sometimes take Algebra I as early as 7th grade if they are advanced and heading in to a specialty field like engineering or medicine.

Here are a few links to get things started-

Always compare what you are told by someone against other standards, particularly if all of your education is from those with a vested interest in your decision. For example, if a program is supposedly advanced, does that really hold water when you look at standards of other schools. If a program is supposed to be classical, do your own reading and see if it really is classical. Often what a program says they do doesn't actually happen.

No matter how hard we try, the way we were educated and what we received as an education often colors our perspective. I'll never forget talking to a leader in a classical education co-op who talked of Algebra II as higher math. Phew--that was a shock. This isn't meant to be a pointless criticism, the point is, know your audience in a discussion.

Bear in mind that what is usually listed for college entrance is the minimum, and some programs are competitive. Students who are set on a career that requires college should be aggressive in standing out above the crowd. If two years of a foreign language is the minimum, shoot for four. It is a good use of the elective spot.

To see some curriculum standards, check out Providence Classical Christian School of Williamsburg, VA, look at Governor's Schools' standards, or HSLDA's college entrance information.  For online options, see what The Potters School is doing or Veritas Press Scholars Academy.

As the old adage says: if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

Just because someone tells you something about a program doesn't make it true, and it could cost your student extra years in Community College taking classes they should have taken/could have taken in high school. We can't redo these years of homeschooling. May God help us all make wise decisions, particularly here where the help is needed.


~Ann