Funerals

We have had a couple of funerals recently, and they are always different, aren't they? Whether held at church or the funeral home, the music, the order of service, speakers, Gospel presentation...those things seem to set the stage so to speak. I've been really impressed by how the funerals capture the people being remembered and honored. Some are almost high energy with so much to say and see and learn. Others are quieter and more serious. Some have a holy reverence to them, others are trying to cheer us as the person did in life. Some make you think about how your own funeral will be; how will I be remembered? Have I done my best for Jesus? Still others are just a time to mourn and finally get to reflect on the life you will miss here on this side of Heaven. At todays, the seating was such that I just got to stand for a minute looking at many precious saints whose lives have touched my own tremendously the past two years. 

I am thankful for our precious church family. We've been through a great deal together. Not being involved in a church, serving, living, loving, and toiling together is choosing to miss out on the greatest blessing in the life of a Christian. Church life should fill most of our time outside of taking care of our family and work. It doesn't leave tons of time for other things, but it is so worth it. Those other things ideally will be serving your community and trying to reach them for Christ, or strengthening families God puts in your path. 

In this age of social media and internet, it can be easy to ignore the reality of serving in our community, but good societies are built on strong communities and communities are built on strong families. We're so fragmented in the USA for a variety of reasons, but we can counteract some of those if we will take the time to give of ourselves in person with the people living, working, and dying in our town. 

Our Actions Impact Others

It isn't special revelation that our actions impact people, but I think we can fail to think through how our actions impact others. When in doubt, don't. That is wise advise I was given once. It is clear when someone has done something against us that they know wasn't above board. They may openly confess it, which is certainly preferred, or they go the route of Aaron regarding the golden calf and say that something 'happened' but leave out their role in it happening. They can also just be resentful and never say they are bothered, making the choice to love their resentment more than the relationship so that the issue never gets resolved well. We can't hold someone accountable for wronging us if they do not realize it, however. That is on us.

The issue is, when we don't rightly deal with relationship strains, other people can get brought into it and are put in a difficult or awkward situation. They've been brought into a circle of sin or offense. When people feel they need to hide something from someone else, it creates distance or discomfort. It might very well just be adults being sensitive to the feelings of others, but it might be that people sense something is wrong and they don't want to be party to it. It might be sin that we're tangoing with. If you have an offense against someone else, or are resentful, then think you've found a way to draw closer to God...you aren't hearing from the Holy Spirit. Just as we need to confess sin before having the right heart attitude with Communion, when we are actively sinning, we have distanced ourself from God so are not hearing clearly from Him. We are much more prone to go by our feelings in such times, and feelings are not the way to righteous living.

Within any organization or friendship, there is a way things are done or should be done. When someone goes rogue, it puts people in a sticky situation. Friendship is built on trust, and when that is compromised, emotional distance inevitably follows. When an organization does things a certain way and a person refuses to follow that, it is rebellious. We are to be at peace with others so far as it depends on us. When we choose to keep resentments piling up so we can one day use them to hurt someone, we are in sin, and there are real consequences to that. 

We don't absolve our guilt, or gain the respect of others, when we dance around the truth of what we've done . Telling someone we've wronged that we didn't do what we did, doesn't amount to saying we're sorry. It also doesn't amount to admitting we did something wrong. We just need to own what we did and why it was wrong. If we're accused of wrong and know in our hearts we did not do that or intend to, we need to evaluate the best course of action. Sometimes a person is seeking to create a dialogue that allows them to continue on a sinful course of action and we must be mindful of that. Sometimes we need to take a step back and see if we were being insensitive. This is where timely confrontations must take place. People cannot be expected to recall details of a situation when a lot of time has passed. Only the one who feels they were wronged is marinating on a hurt for months or years. The other person, unaware of how they were perceived, isn't regurgitating the nuances because in their mind, it is a closed case and all was well.

Said another way, when we have held a grudge against someone but did not seek to clear the air for a long time, we have chosen to harm the relationship. People can't explain themselves or change if they aren't given the opportunity. Too often people who are hurt find ways to lash out, whether overt or subtle, creating a reason for a relationship to end. Hurting people hurt others. This allows avoidance of taking a hard look at the truth or changing. When a person has put someone in the place of God, for example, and they feel God is not helping them, they can then turn on the person and make them out to be the enemy, when in reality, that person was their friend and ally. 

In any relationship, leaving out relevant details shows that you don't respect the person enough to tell them the whole truth, and if you don't, then find friends you will be open and honest with, because when someone can tell they aren't getting the whole story, tension is felt and erodes the relationship. Trust isn't there, and when that happens, there has been a real breakdown in the system. 

Our Idols

What bothers us about others, is often that they are kicking our idols. 

Take the conflict you are in with someone and ask what it is that is making you angry or hurt, to the point you can't get past it. Ask God to how you how you are like that. Is someone not making you feel important enough? Is the problem that you are making the situation all about yourself so that you have elevated your importance beyond what you should? Are people not grateful for you and in turn, have you not been grateful enough? 

Have we let idols slowly ruin a relationship? 

Have we let this make us bitter?

A mark of a true Christian is that sin is accepted and seen. We do not turn on those who shed light on our sin, making them our enemy when in fact, they are loving us the most by being straight-forward with us.

There is a way that seems right to a man and it's end is death. Go God's way. 

Understanding Friends

The reality is, when a complicated trial comes, you find out who to go to for comfort. Some people try but fail. They may not be able to understand and suggest unhelpful things, so it just isn't comforting. It is taxing when stupid suggestions are made because they think without research, they understand. Some people do not try. The reasons are varied. Maybe they've also not researched, so they lack empathy. Some folks don't have the capacity to understand, but are good at being compassionate and caring. They feel your pain and sacrifice their time in order to pray and check in. Those friends are treasures. They carry you through. They buoy you when your heart is breaking and you feel desperate. It's likely when you have friends like that, you've done the same for them. Compassion has a beautiful way of coming back to us. God shows His loving care in that dynamic, and we can't experience it if we're never the one needing the help. We can't always be the giver, even though we might want to be.

Feeling despondent and sad cannot last long. It's too heavy. One must trust the Lord in such times. To do otherwise is terrible. Travailing in prayer and Bible study is very important. I'm reminded of the Mandisa song, You Are My Lifeline. We sure see that when we're in anguish. The friends who are with us in all the stages become such beloved people. Don't rob them of the opportunity to help you. Likewise, don't tell yourself they won't care and thus rob yourself of the opportunity to grow closer through your time of need. 

God is faithful and will not let us be tempted beyond that which we are able to withstand. Why are you downcast oh my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance, and my God! Having done all, stand firm in your faith. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. It is God who is at work in you. Cast your burdens upon Him, for He cares for you. His yoke is easy, and His burden is light. Great is His faithfulness ❤️. As others have done before you,  encourage yourself in the Lord. Even with great friends. There's no substitute for praise and the Lord. 

Stay Pure-To My Children

No stage of parenting is easy. Days can be easy, seasons easier, but parenting takes hard work, day in and day out, for years without end. Don't do what will give you children until you are ready to strive to parent well daily. 

A pot of water does not go from cold to boiling. Wisdom dictates not starting down a path you don't want to finish. Stick to the high road. 

No one becomes addicted who never takes a drink. Why set your feet on a path where you'll have to stand still for months on end? Or take a road that has the potential to lead to a place you'll regret going, or ruin a special moment you'd planned for your engagement or wedding day?

Loss of respect for yourself or another is not easily regained. Regret sticks in the mind sometimes for life.

Sacrificial love is to do what is best for another without thought for your own desires or needs. Starting this at the beginning of a relationship will aid the firm foundation of self-control that marks great marriages. 

When a man demonstrates self-control to his future bride, it instills confidence in her that he will remain faithful during the inevitable hard times that come with marriage. 

When a woman demonstrates self-control to her future husband, she shows a greater capacity to honor his wishes as the mother of his children. She'll be better equipped to fight her own selfish impulses, which is necessary for sacrificial mothering. 

Modesty regards behavior as well as dress. Don't play games with 'conservative sexiness' or coyness. Govern yourself. It is wise to choose to be more careful than necessary in honor of your Lord, rather than hover at the line which should not be crossed.

As with many things, we only fool ourselves when we try to skirt godly standards. Our inner man is revealed subtly to those around us and will impact our opportunities and reputation. 

Holiness concerns itself with godliness. 

And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. Gal 6:9

Promise to the Child of God

It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, Because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: Great is thy faithfulness.

Lam 3:22-23

mustaches

I'm not sure why there is this craze of young men growing mustaches, but they don't look good. A quite handsome young man shifts to a rather unattractive young man because of one. 

You may ask how I have come to this opinion? I can think quickly of 3 examples that I've known personally. Then there are countless in the cyber online dating app world. 

What is up with mothers not telling their sons they look far less cute with a hairy upper lip? Lest you think this is just my opinion, think again. It's a view attractive young women I know have, as well as an attractive mature man.

Please, if you are actually looking to find a beautiful young bride, shave!! Shave it all!

A Forever Partner

I was thinking about how when looking for a spouse, so many things are thought and discussed. It's almost like the miracle of birth that two people find each other! The reality is, we're all looking for someone to deeply trust with who we are. That that person will not harm us, but will help and love us. Aren't we all closest to those we do not have to fear will break our hearts or bring us pain? People aren't perfect, but we certainly gravitate to those who we believe have the best judgment. Wise counselors. And don't we all pull back and seek to protect ourselves from those we deem otherwise?

Those things can't be posted on a dating app, and yet, it's the core of what everyone is seeking I'd say. It's such a gift that God uses what we can say, and do say, to connect us to the one He has for us. 

Sobriety

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. 

Is this true?

In life, we can choose the actions, but we can't choose the reactions. 

That might be something to remember when being rebellious, selfish, or are lying. Sin takes us farther than we want to go, costs us may than we are willing to pay, and keeps us longer than we want to stay.

Teachable Spirit?

Those who have all the answers also have all the problems. 

Why I Love the Sovereignty of God

If I had to pick a favorite book of the Bible, it would definitely be something written by the Apostle Paul. I love him. I think of being in Heaven and just getting to see him from a distance. He will probably be glorifying God next to John MacArthur and Martyn-Lloyd Jones. Great men that I esteem so highly, yet are in a realm far from the one in which I tread. 

Ephesians is truly a book I love. There is so much peace when I read Ephesians 1...the clear reminder that God is God and I'm far below but yet still thought of and planned for and known. It is a very humbling reality. Romans is incredible, and the man I'm bonded to as they'd say in a Chuck Black book, finds it to be his favorite, and so did MLJ. Oh the depths and riches of God! It's a high brow book and I like the parts that show God's sovereignty and yet, man's responsibility. I'm in awe of God for having two roads that do not clearly intersect in my mind, yet I know they do in His. I love that before the foundation of the world God chose and predestined who would be saved, and that He has set up believing in Him as something we have to do, and that faith comes by hearing. He is brilliant, magnificent, the only wise God. 

This reality is one that has helped me so much the past many years. Life is hard. It is hard a lot of the time when you are a parent, spouse, sibling and an active member of your church. Add the other roles you have and the more there are, the more difficulty there can be. It is obvious how life is designed to make us long for Heaven the older we get. The prime years of life are fast. When there is boundless energy, beauty, intellect and strength the years fly by. When you awaken bright eyed or groggy, yet not in any pain. There is so much that we take for granted at each stage of life.

Through it all, I'm seeing there are always new opportunities to trust the Lord. Deeper challenges with really giving it ALL to Him. "Have hopes, but don't count on them. Have dreams, but don't bank on them. Have wishes, but be willing to forgo them. Love deeply, but with a hand that isn't clutching."

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  -Jesus

When life is not what I want, when there are hurts, disappointments, fatigue from the daily grind, questions, drudgery...I go to the Sovereignty of the King of kings and Lord of lords. I don't care what this church or that church teaches but I read the Bible and I see what it says. There was a beautiful man who has taught me for over 30 years that summed up exactly what I believe, and he is now, very recently, fulfilled wholly and has heard the words I long to hear, "Well done, my good and faithful servant, enter into the presence of your King." 

God, help me to be good and faithful as Your servant. Help me want what You want, love what You love, die to myself, and take up the cross You have assigned me, and please help me carry it with a smile on my face. And help me talk less when I'm excited. It's so embarrassing sometimes. I just love people and it is hard to reign myself in. I love to know and be known. 

Power of Prayer

Often I don't share prayer requests. People have so many of their own. I try to be discreet as well. That said, sometimes several struggles come along all at once. If trouble impacts those closest to me, I'm generally sharing with others so they can pray with me. 

This past week, my beloved sister fell quite ill. She's been in a hospital that's about 7 hours from me because we're on vacation. It's been very difficult to not be with her. We pray, and I've asked many others to pray. Mostly friends I've prayed for in the past. That's how love goes, right? We bear one another's burdens. If we believe the heart of God is moved by prayer, then we ought to beseech Him when we've got needs. He's the Great Physician, so He's who we go to. 

During this same time period, my middle daughter took a hard hit and fell backwards onto concrete, sustaining a concussion that lasted several days. Five days later, she still finds bright lights to hurt her eyes. She was feeling ill when the collision occurred, and has been sick a couple of times already this summer. She's a delicate girl, and this job has been a very new endeavor for her.  Working at a physically and emotionally demanding job is quite the opposite of a government type computer science internship. I'm so grateful for the friends who have prayed for her healing. We're blessed to be in a church where everyone knows each of us. 

It's a balance to be found: troubling others with our needs or keeping them between us and God. Pride can keep us from asking, and it can compel us to ask when we ought to hold off. 

Being on this particular vacation, I used to enjoy being off my phone and computer all week. We are still not on the computer doing normal life,  but I've been on my phone a lot for the first time. There's just no way with the health issues and two kids working where they barely get free time to text or call. It's a season. God is faithful to give us the rest we need in other ways. To be broken and spilled out for His use is my dream. At the end of this life, I hope all who know me think of good works I've done to bring glory to the Lord. Whether it be having them over, praying with them, giving them something they needed, or doing something for them. What else is this life for?

The Sting of Death and Remembering

Technology is such a blessing and a curse. I'm torn at the moment on which it is. I've just finished reading an email exchange between my dear old friend and myself from Aug 2015. My friend has been with the Lord for 8 years now, so this was not terribly long before the end of her life. The end was so unexpected and tragic. Out of it was born another wonderful friendship for me between her mom and me. That sweet friendship lasted until 2024 when she, at 93, said her final farewell. Two great losses from the same family. Both caring listeners with comforting advice. Reading my friend's words just makes me cry. I hear her voice in those words and am flooded with memories on what a comfort she was during some lonely years. The narrow road of raising conservative Christian children was often one where I wished for friends. I had this one friend who understood my concerns and why we just didn't fit with most people. 

God knows what we need when we need it. He knows who we need when we need them. 

I'm not sure how I went from being 41 to 51 so fast. How I went from having a very close friend to being someone who tragically lost my closest friend. We all live with loss and we move forward. God shows us blessings and those do ease the pain of loss. I'd never want to trade the friendship with my friend's mom for anything. She was such a dear lady to me. My first widowed friend as a matter of fact. How I loved that English girl!

It is amazing how we can be so sure we need something only to look back and see that we don't need it presently at all. God is so faithful. He has carried me along and now so many things I recall struggling with, are barely a thing in my world. There's still hints here and there at times, but He has filled gaps, given purpose, and given friends to walk this road of life. I don't have the same needs now as I had as a younger woman. 

He gives a greater grace, and He gives it when we need it. My church family has become so important to me. Moreso than I would have ever thought possible. And God has used the tragedy of my friend's loss to always keep the flame burning of truth in mental health issues and how many of the struggles in that category are not dealt with rightly by the world. My faith in psychology couldn't be lower. My faith in mental hospitals couldn't be lower. My belief that mind altering drugs help people is nearly zero, and when they do, it is a needle in a haystack situation. People struggle with real problems and respect for human life and dignity demands real answers, which come from God and His word and those who know how to use it to help. Hormonal changes from cancer and surgery need a very careful handling. Mind altering drugs are not the answer. We have to have a solution to the crisis a woman's body goes through before we remove all her hormones. 

God's timing is perfect, always. And He knows the end from the beginning, yet somewhere in there is human responsibility and consequences to actions. A lot of things do not add up, and I'm thankful I can take comfort that my friend is with the Lord. That is the only way I can relax and leave it in His hands to have the final justice. 

Signing off tonight, remembering Terri and Rita, with love. ♥

Critical Issues in Biblical Counseling

Here are some trustworthy resources if you want to learn more about this important topic. 🌺

https://www.shepherdpress.com/store/critical-issues/

Realities You Learn Along the Way

1. Reputations cause results that differ from one person to another

2. Those who think they deserve top billing, often don't get it

3. Leadership takes many forms. On one end, parameters are clearly defined for all to see and know, the other end is to  keep lines blurry so as to not get boxed in. Both are intentional methods.

4. It is better to strive to do the right thing than to not do the right thing, even when it causes discomfort

5. At some point in life, you find it is harder to work with others, but you still do it for the greater good. 

6. When wrongly perceived, keep moving forward and leave it to God to defend you. 

7. When in the wrong, quickly seek reconciliation, keep moving forward and leave it to God. 

8. You can only control your own thinking and actions

9. Choosing to be in control of everything is a sound way to implode a thing

Why I Rarely Look Back

 It has been an emotional few days, and I've added some activities that haven't made it better. Albeit, unintentionally, but I'm realizing a few things I'll share regarding looking back.

Old photos, old videos, old letters from loved ones who are no longer with us, old stuffed animals, boxes of keepsakes, unfilled photo books from when you had a baby but never used ...do these things point us closer to Christ or do they fill our hearts with sadness?

Maybe some people look through and feel happier. For over 15 years we never had photos of our children around the house. It was very upsetting for me to look back and see the fast passage of time. My husband has been the same way. He also doesn't look back on the anniversary of deaths like some people. He isn't a grave site visitor and doesn't relish looking at old videos or too many pictures of the kids when they were small. I see why. 

My dad and step-mom were here visiting with an impromptu trip the past couple of days. I love seeing my dad, but it is kind of rare, and well, he's 82 and it is difficult to picture life with him gone. I wish we lived closer for easier visiting, but God hasn't granted that prayer. It isn't His will for us to have them over weekly for dinner or even monthly, and that has to be accepted. I've prayed for a long time to be nearer to our family if it is His will, and here we are still after almost 19 years. It's surprising to me and sometimes very frustrating. At other times I am content and just don't think about it, or I see God's wisdom in it and am fine.

During this visit that made me sad and left me confused at times, my dear friend and her family left the area for a new adventure very far away. It has been coming for nearly 7 months, but it is always hard when the trigger is pulled. Life changes so fast and suddenly, even when you are anticipating the newness. If they are like us with the ages of their kids, their whole lives could be lived in this new state, as ours has been here. We arrived when our children were 4, 2 and 8 months. These are pages written by the Lord that gradually unfold and before you know it, it's a book of your life in a certain place for a certain time, full of ups, downs and everything in between. And your children call it home, and it holds something special for them they can't get elsewhere...and to leave it is a big deal for them. 

In the midst of this, I needed a new phone and was trying to get it set up. Quickly my abundance of texts and pictures became a problem, so the heartache ramped up as I had to go through many old videos, label them, move them to my external hard drive...there's a video that is precious to me from Nov 2008 that has been lost. I've got the still shot but the AVI file is gone, and it pains me deeply. The kind of pain you have to go to God with because it seems overly dramatic, but I could cry hard over the loss of it if I let myself. I just feel so bad that in all the file corruptions and backing up over the past 10 years, this special file of my middle girl reciting the books of the Bible is only embedded in our memories. God has a reason. He cares about the things that trouble us, and He knows if one of my old computers has that file uncorrupted. The fact I know the exact date is a blessing, but it also shows that if He wanted me to have the file, He could bring it. A lof of 2008 was lost in a computer crash so I'm fortunate to have anything...But the videos and passage of time...my children yet unsaved, yet unrefined, learning, growing, adorable, messy, beautiful, giggly and small...and me, young, learning, thin, tireless, determined...I don't want to go back. I don't want to do it all again. I just want to hold them one more time sometimes when they were carefree and I had all the answers. Seeing their beautiful tiny faces, dancing, singing, so happy without adult cares...what a joy. But those days can't last. And they don't. And in general, is is best to not dwell on that and keep looking forward. Not too hard when you are in the throes of parenting, but when it slows down, oh discipline is needed so you don't waste these next 'best years of your life'. The reality is, some children are stuck in the younger years mentally, and I need to be thankful to God that mine are not. Accidents happen and thriving adults revert to a childlike state, and I need to remember that it is the natural and good course that has given us all the expected seasons of life. We've always said we're raising adults, and that must be before us at all times until we successfully launch 3 serious followers of Christ who are an asset to their family, their church, and their community.

So back to looking back...in Scripture we're only to look back to see the blessings of the Lord and to glorify God, or to learn from our sin and go forth and not do it anymore. We're not supposed to look back for digging up hurts or for rehashing this or that. When we look back to remember, it is for specific reasons that should leave us feeling more whole in Christ, not more empty. Biblical looking back is always specific to see the hand of the King of Kings and ultimately praise Him. 

My closet is so full of my youth and childhood, and it can make me feel just as I did when I had those things as a younger woman and a little girl. What do I do with all of these special things? I seldom recall they are there, but I was digging around looking for the certificate of the peg my husband bought me in the Ark. Back before the replica was built, when protests were mighty and funding was needed...when God's people prayed and prayed for Answers in Genesis and Ken Ham to be protected and successful, you could buy a part (sponsor it) and get a certificate and a number, and we're going soon and I want to see where my special peg is. I cried when I was given that gift. I loved the Ark project and longed to visit one day when it was built. Now it is time, and can I find that paper? I put it somewhere special. 

No. I can't at the moment, but my bedroom is now full of nearly every keepsake of mine that was carefully squeezed into the closet. I've gone through all the keepsake boxes downstairs with well organized files of what actually was what the boxes said, all the school papers and art I saved from my 3 babies. In my distress and the house a bit of a shambles, my husband, who is the most resourceful man alive, found his receipt in his email from Dec 23, 2013 and printed the information needed so that we can all go to the area where my special peg is ♥. I'll surely find that certificate next year...

So here I am, at bedtime, tears just keep streaming down my face. Because my friend and those precious boys are gone. My dad is old and could pass at any time. My bedroom is literally a totally wreck with special memories that make me sad to look back on but I can't part with (envelopes and letters from my mom who died before I got married, for example). And I'm missing people I loved dearly who are gone and whose funeral cards are one of the things in a special box. (I hate death.) And I'm missing my sisters who I will probably never live very close to again. 

I talked to them both today for the first time in AGES. It is my one sister's birthday, and the other has 2 new grandchildren and we just haven't had time to talk since she had to return to the office full time instead of working from home a lot. After 2 hours, we wrapped up that talk. I needed some comfort, and I wanted to tell her all the things...that's what a sister 9 yrs older can do...listen so well and care when I'm super sad. 

I guess I need to ask God to help me get rid of things that only make me sad when I look back. And to help bind up my broken heart over all the people I've said goodbye to and miss a lot. And to remind me He has a plan for my life even though sometimes it feels like everyone else gets to move on and have adventure while I'm still here in the Burg. The reality is, the place I want to go a lot of the time doesn't exist. It is a time in the past mixed with the present, full of all the people and nearness and the wisdom of now but it was long ago, and that time can't be. It shouldn't be. It is a created place that never was and never will be. I'm here, now, serving the Lord, and need to trust Him in this new season. He will never leave me nor forsake me, and He won't leave you or forsake you if you belong to Him. What a good and loving God. 

Now to Him who is ABLE to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us. To Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus now and forever, Amen. Eph 3:20-21

Unexpected Scenarios

It is taken for granted when children are young and parents are young, that we can influence our kids, protect them, and offer guidance and advice whenever it is warranted. It is very sad to see parents who are too busy to be with their young children, pursuing their own dreams to the exclusion of regular family time. This is one thing I loved about homeschooling; so much time together to talk and interact, though it takes effort to really connect of course. 

I think one of the most difficult things older parents can experience is when their kids shut them out, and then make decisions that are not the best. Sometimes the decisions are dangerous or completely wrong. Adults, be they young or not-so-young, are free to do what they want. Wisdom seeks good counsel, which isn't always what is wanted. It isn't so wise to seek counsel from those who will tell us what we want to hear, or seek it from those who don't know us that well. When we seek counsel from many who don't know us, we might not get the hard truth we need to hear, because only those who deeply love us, or deeply love the Savior, will be bold enough to tell us the truth. People who aren't impacted by our decisions are often not invested enough in us to really lay it all out. 

Drying fig leaves for tea

What I'm learning more as I age is that we cannot lose our peace when people shut us or our informed counsel out. We can only do what we can do, which sometimes is just cry out to God, and ask Him to watch over our loved ones. When we could save our loved ones from disaster or just a rough road, we can't care more than the person who is going to likely end up in a mess of their own doing. It is painful when we could help but are not asked, but we must humble ourselves before the Lord and remember as His children, He is loving us and caring for us, and ultimately we should desire to serve Him where and how He wants us to. 

Stubborn self-reliance and pride have led more than one person down a wrong road. Yes, there is wisdom in a multitude of godly counselors, and at the same time, people who don't go to their own family for help can look like they don't actually have a support system. People may wonder, "Why isn't their family helping them? They must not have a close family to count on." If that is our situation, we can't help that there is a strong family available but not wanted. I'm not saying that one's family can provide all that is needed, but it can certainly save us from looking like a person who has no strong support system and MUST therefore RELY on friends or strangers. 

When we're in need of help, we should go to God first, and then after talking and listening for His answer, we should go to those we trust the most to keep the condition of our hearts and walk with the Lord a top priority. After that, we can seek wise counsel from trusted friends we know have our back. God is a jealous God. He wants and deserves first place in our hearts.

Reputations are built quickly and changed slowly. 

Is It Really The Answer?

You know when you've had a difficult thing going on in life and you are looking for an answer, and finally it comes? A child vomits for hours each night for months and one day the mystery ends: they have a food allergy. Someone you love stops talking to you and with no communication, there is a real question in your mind about what happened. It turns out they were diagnosed with something serious and it made their world turn upside down and inside out immediately. 

Whatever the scenario, I'm reminded that very often in life we go through challenging times. We seek answers because we want to fix the situation or at least make the best of it. If nothing else, we just want to know what is happening and have some semblance of an explanation. The "not knowing" is grueling. 

What I want to touch on tonight is when we think we're given an answer that is going to lead to a decent resolution or solution. When we think that whoever gave the answer actually can help. 

We are complex beings made in the image of God, and we have numerous systems in play at all times. Our bodies function in ways that are mysterious. Some systems are understood well, but others are not. There is a great deal yet to be truly understood about how the systems interact with one another and what it is that really makes us tick and what makes us sick. Why does a germ make one person ill and not another? We can say it is the immune system, but what of the deeper understandings of why. on one day this happens but another it wouldn't? How much does stress break us down and make us vulnerable? What about diet and even our own preconceived notions? 

I've read that in this era of depression and the multiplicity of mental health diagnoses, we are seeing far more mental health issues than we used to in spite of some doctors (most) claiming we know how to deal with those sorts of problems now. People aren't less anxious with all these "solutions", they are far MORE anxious. The answers to depression have not eradicated depression, rather the number of cases has exploded. Logic would make us consider we don't have a cure or a good way of managing this. Logic would suggest the solutions are making things worse. 

Where should we put our trust and hope? Do 'they' really know the cure for these things they like to tell us we have?

Just because a doctor looks at a set of conditions and professionally puts a label on them, does not mean he knows how to then remedy things! Often doctors are irresponsible or are of the opinion we won't be "helped" until we GET a diagnosis so they give one to keep us busy or silence us. Often they follow the training they've had that this plus this equals this...label it and then start experimenting. 

We have to understand that every human being is unique, and if we allowed the mental health "experts" to label everyone, no one would be normal. Everyone would have some condition or ailment. It is the nature of the industry and it begs the question, has this way of looking at society helped us? Are we healthier and happier than before this new trend started, as a society? A nation? 

There is so much experimental treatment of people with mental health diagnoses, it is really criminal what doctors often do. Mind altering treatments are not new to this era, but the difference from the past is that we often know we're permanently changing someone's brain. 

I understand wanting to have hope, wanting to feel in control again after so much time out of control, but no human understands us as well as God. Sin and living outside of God's ways leads to all manner of ailments: physical, mental and emotional. Until we are right with God, we should hold off on any "treatments" because sin is often the root cause of our problems. God is in the healing business and there aren't devastating side effects to His methods. He loves us and knows just how we work. Nothing is outside of His realm and understanding. He truly will DO NO HARM. 

There is real hope in Christ and His payment for sin. He brings wholeness, peace, love, joy and patience into our hearts. His Word and truth renews our minds. Doctors and medicine cannot do what He alone can do, and they often just guess and try different things, sometimes leaving a person far worse off than they started. No doctor can renew our mind. "If then you've been raised with Christ, seek those things which are above where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things of the earth, for you have died and hidden your life in God. When Christ who is our life is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory." Colossians 3 I believe...

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes, fear the Lord and turn away from evil. Pr 3:5-6

With that I'll exhort us all to remember this reason so many are in the straight they are in. As a people: We want change, but we won't change. 

We must change if we want different results. No medication or doctor can bring that about. The Word of God can. Let the Word of God richly dwell with in you and may your spirit, soul and body be preserved complete, without blame, at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen and amen. 

Gratitude and Mission

There's been some discussion lately about the low standard we tend to have in today's culture for many things. One area in particular is the general laziness of people, particularly mothers.  When comparing to generations past, sadly we often see today's mothers happily handing their children their phone or an iPad to keep them occupied, and when they're not doing that they are running around socializing  So they don't have to keep a close eye on their children or worry too much with training them. In general the children today are not at home being trained by a dedicated and hard-working mother committed to doing her absolute best for their sake day in day out.

If this is an observation that we are seeing, what is the problem before women become mothers?  Are they diligent and hard-working, taking every opportunity to serve others and the Lord?  Or like so many of the mothers that we see, are these ladies-in-waiting more consumed with their own comfort and relaxation than taking every opportunity to serve the Lord and those around them?  It takes a determined mindset of service and sacrifice to look around us and ask ourselves why the Lord has us where He has us.  How many opportunities do we miss to bring Him glory and point others to Him because we are consumed with ourselves and our own interests?

 As we give thanks to God each day for the blessings that He has put into our lives and the path that He has laid out for us, we should also be asking Him how He wants us to best show others His glory and point others to Him.  I do not think He is ever leading His children to keep their light under a bushel and worry about the clothes on their back or the food on their table.  He puts us where he puts us in order to be a bold witness for Him and to care more about the souls of those around us than our own needs.

For the mother with young children, her primary mission field is her children. For those hoping to have children the mission field is whoever He has put you shoulder to shoulder with. 

Are we doing our best for Jesus's sake?

Can't Worry More Than the Responsible Party

 A few weeks ago I was bothered about something that was not in my control. In talking to my daughter, she reminded me that I can't care about something more than the person who should care. It seems those are words she heard from me at some point ...they have resonated in my mind numerous times since she said them. 

People want what they want and they don't want what they don't want. We can see a better way or what we are convinced is the right way, and it doesn't matter. That is always going to be the case, just like how there will always be the poor among us. Dynamics in marriages and families are the same as they have been since the dawn of time. Some prepare for things in life, some read, some plan. Others wing it, don't read,  and by all appearances, do not plan. 

There are parents who work hard and are excellent. Others neglect what brings excellence. 

This being true, the bottom line is, we are responsible for our own lives, own marriages, own homes, own families, and own children. Some people succeed, and others fail, and others are somewhere in between--perhaps alternating at random between those two poles. This is life, and we each get our opportunity. 

The grace of God is powerful. It is important to pray for ourselves and others. We all need His guidance.