Years ago the phrase, "We're so busy!" was my nemesis. It became hackneyed beyond the pale to hear people exclaim, with exasperation but also a subtle pride, that their life was far more 'full' than everyone else and therefore they couldn't be relied on to respond to emails in a timely fashion, be on time, or be available to get together...you get the idea. They deserved special acceptance for why they were unreliable or always in a near panic.
Fast forward 6 years and the culture has clearly adopted the belief that being flexible is a virtue. 'Don't worry about keeping the date set because I'm happy to change it. My willingness to give you alternatives to the time you've already set aside in your schedule shows that I'm flexible (and therefore, good). If you aren't willing to work around my new need, you are not as virtuous as someone who is.'
Never-mind the chaos this brings to a schedule. Far too many live in chaos all the time so they can't even recognize it.
The problem with this notion is that once you allow it as part of your normal, it takes up residence. If people think they can make changes to your schedule regularly, they will.
I counter with the reality that too much flexibility breeds chaos and the life lived is lived less well.
If you are the one setting the schedule and need to make a change, canceling should be just as valid an option as offering an alternative time. Be it for a lesson you are offering or a class you are teaching in the home as a homeschool mom. It shouldn't be presented as you being wonderful for offering other times when you are the one cancelling. Be wonderful by accepting responsibility that you are going to miss out on having class that day or will make less money and be inconvenienced because you've decided, for whatever reason, to make a change. 'You've decided"--you aren't a victim, even if something else has caused you to have to cancel...when you are the person directly in front of someone else being impacted, it is now on you. Don't expect, subtly or overtly, others to work around you. Life IS busy and we all have full schedules. Some of us are managing many other people, as in a household, or for kids in school, they have a lot of responsibilities they are trying to manage. Making changes to routine appointments always adds an element of chaos and change that must be communicated to everyone, so expecting people to see that dynamic as equivalent to the routine is presumptuous and insensitive, and in certain cases, unprofessional.
It is generally people who don't see the value in down time, or who are incapable of having a set schedule, who are most willing to be flexible. Those who have full schedules, which also include down time that they've worked in to their day/week, are seen as inflexible and therefore, rigid. Too rigid. It is implied that those who stick to a plan are less accommodating, because of course they ARE to those who want to change things up at will. Sticking to a schedule to benefit your family or self, however, is accommodating. To your family or to yourself. It isn't wicked to know your own limits or those of your family and strive to stick to them as much as you can. How often do we tell our child to 'know thyself' and be wise?
Should we go out of our way to accommodate others sometimes, if we can? Of course, but it shouldn't be asked of us in an expected way that often. This is a good thing to teach our children, for we all know they will have to work to not have their days and nights filled continually, unable to plan for down time if they give that freedom over to those around them. Other people will find a way to fill all of their time or make it so they are often shifting things around because sadly, many many people in our culture cannot live by self-imposed restrictions. They require externals to bring them any measure of order.
Know thyself and know others, and deal circumspectly with both.
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