Why Don't I Do What I Ought?

I'm reading an excellent book and have recently completed a chapter that has served as a wonderful reminder of showing love by the choices we make. It is impressive to me the way books work. One person might come away with different thoughts than another person based on where each individual is in their life. I'm thinking a great deal about several points even though I'm only midway through the work. 

What I'd like to share about today is showing love through our actions and daily living. 

If we claim to love someone, which we do actually proclaim regardless of what we verbally say, it should impact how we live. For example, I'm a wife, so it is presumed and expected that I love my husband. I'm a mother, so it is presumed and expected that I love my children. If I fail to demonstrate love to my husband and children, who does it reflect poorly on? Is it solely me, or is it also my Savior, who I claim to represent? How important is it that everything my life touches looks and IS excellent as a representative of Jesus Christ?

We live in a world surrounded by social mores, and we all know what love looks like in general. We also know what it does not look like. 

In thinking of these two very important areas of my life, my husband/children, and God who has given me all good things, these are the thoughts I'm having:

How do I take care of the people and things I am thankful for? 

How can someone tell something or someone is neglected? (Can we assume what is cared for by someone is likewise valued by them?)

What are the things my husband cares about? Do I take time to nurture those things daily? Can people see that I'm doing, or not doing, that?

What about my children? Are there things they care about? Am I taking time to value those things with my actions and words?

Are there any areas of my life that a person could look at and wonder how I can claim to be a Christian and yet be so neglectful of, or do people look at my life and see a commitment to striving for excellence in all things? 

When my Savior has called me home and people are standing around talking and reflecting on my life, I want them to reflect on how hard I worked to represent Christ well in everything I did. I want my home, inside and out, to reflect gratitude and appreciation for those in it and for the fact of being given it to raise our family in. I want my body to reflect gratitude to God in how I take care of it, and for it to be obvious I view my body as not belonging to me, but to my husband and ultimately, the Lord. I want my work to show that I answered to Someone higher than who was paying me to do the work. I want my children to be a representation of a life poured into them in the right ways--the correct balance of giving, withholding, sacrifice, indulgence...and I want my words to build up and not tear down. God help me. 

Each of us have areas in which we need to grow. Are we taking time to assess those? Do we listen carefully when we're given advice on how we might need to change or do we dismiss it out of hand? Do we read the Bible and sound books on how to live righteously or do we assume we know it all? Do we spend much of our time looking at the faults of others rather than looking at ourselves to see where we fall short so we can improve? Are we most concerned with being known, or with getting to know others? Often if we would stop talking and listen, we will find what those around us need rather than worrying so much about what we want that we don't have, or what we want to try to impart to them. 

May God have mercy on us and help us grow more like Him. 

Newlywed Advice

Now that I have older kids, I would like to think my opinion has changed on how near to live to family when first married. After 24 years of marriage, and recalling how our first years went, my view has remained the same by and large. 

It is best to live a bit away from family when first establishing your married life if it is clear that you as a couple need that to truly establish your own home. Observation has shown me that when this is not the case, new couples often overly complicate how to split their time with each side. This could be due to excess pressure from one side, or one mother-in-law. Regardless, distance would help this dynamic. Having some distance can help couples leave and cleave, particularly if the extended family is unsaved or particularly weird. If the new husband or wife cannot keep their strange family at bay, some distance can help as they work out how they want to do things within their new household. 

Distance can also help us appreciate our extended families in a new way. Sometimes when a new couple is figuring out how to live near each set of in-laws, they put up hard fences, which can hurt feelings and damage relationships more than they probably intend. It isn't just in-laws, there are siblings, nieces and nephews, aunts and uncles to try and keep relationships with. What works with one side may not work with the other side.

As in-laws, we need to be very careful not to put too much pressure on new couples. We can cause them to pull back more than necessary if we live close, or we can cause strife within the marriage by being too involved.

In a perfect world, families would live close by each other, offering important support and accountability. But this is a fallen world full of fallen people. Many things are against strong married couples that are led by the husband. It is important to prayerfully evaluate your situation and do what is needed to have the ability to establish a home that's biblically ordered. 

Pitfalls of Wrong Focus

Doing the same thing, in the same way, and expecting a different result equals insanity. We must make different decisions if we want different results.

Homemaking is about cleaning, decorating, cooking, and generally creating a safe, comfortable place for your most cherished loved ones. To make it about something else misses the point and will lead to not actually fulfilling the intent of homemaking.

Working for an employer is about performing the duties you've been hired to fulfill, diligently, on-time, in the manner the employer desires. To do something else would mean you are not working within the parameters of being a good employee. You might be busy, but you aren't fulfilling the design as it has been laid out, and thus, ultimate success will not be recognized.

Education....gaining knowledge and understanding about a particular subject, demonstrating mastery according to the syllabus as determined by the instructor.

College-- It is for gaining understanding and knowledge about a particular area of study, with the successful completion resulting in a diploma which further leads to gainful employment. To do less than this is not success. To make it about something else is to not fulfill the purpose for which college has been designed. You might be busy, but if the end goal is not met, success will not be achieved. 

When we make something about something other than what it IS designed for, we set ourselves up for failure. Unwittingly we have expectations that must be met outside the parameters of the confines of the task. If homemaking is primarily about having friends over, we've made it about hospitality....which means our focus is not actually on our family. We might have a vibrant ministry to ladies coming into our home, all the while neglecting the creation of a peaceful respite for our weary husband.

We might make our place of employment about pushing our political agenda or evangelism, but if we are not dutifully fulfilling what we've been hired to do, we are not good employees and are not being careful stewards of our employer's resources or our time as a worker. Is evangelism good? Yes, but if we are not hired as an evangelist, we better not be slothful about our WORK.

If we attend college with secondary or tertiary priorities as our main driver, there is going to be trouble when those side issues fall by the wayside. What we can completely control in college is the effort we put into the academics. Friends coming and going will not change that, injury will not ruin that, nor will not being good enough to stay on a team. Character development and growth in Christ are terrific byproducts of attending university for the right reasons when we get involved in attending and serving at a local church.

Ask yourself, are you embarking on an aspect of life with the same approach you've had before, expecting different results? Let's not plan to fail. Let's plan to succeed and keep the main thing the main thing.

November 2022 Post

A strapping 17 year old young man asked me if I'd posted lately, to which I replied, "No". Running a small business has taken the majority of my excess time and energy. When I'm home, there is much to do in the way of home management and home making. I love both of those things, but I'm continually seeing the benefits of this season of working outside our home. 

The busier we are, the more in-focus life's events become. Prioritization is able to be honed when we genuinely need to prioritize! While I pray for God to send us the funds for college, I want to use the time He's given me to work effectively toward the goal we have of  sending our kids to college debt-free. I tend to think that this time of learning to identify as something other than homeschool mom is going to help and bless my kids far more than anything else I could be doing. 

It's like a distant memory to recall going into my husband's office, crying, as I foresaw what was to come....which was me not being a homeschooling teacher. The feelings of being lost, unneeded, unimportant....they were so real and the pain was significant. I'm thankful now to be able to confidently see that there is no need for a homeschool mom to worry or fret as the chapter closes. God has a way of helping us grow into something new as we seek to glorify Him. Giving our kids the space to be their own people is a challenge if we don't get busy with things outside of them. Thinking of myself, my brand as it were, as Cleaning by Jenny, has completely eradicated the need or desire to identify as a homeschooling mom. I used to be that, but now I work hard to help people love the space God has blessed them with. I'm enjoying my children being able to live life on their own, in many regards. And I enjoy meeting new adults, helping them, staying fit and helping my husband meet our goals.

God is good and so faithful! 

Essential Oils 101?

Often in the current culture of self-proclaimed experts, there is too much of a good thing, and the results can be quite unpleasant, sometimes dangerous. Herbal remedies and essential oils can readily lend themselves to this reality.

If you have rashes, chronic sinus issues, a sore throat, a scratchy voice...talk to an allergist about testing and/or see a dermatologist, and be sure to share your use and routine with oils and skin care. If you take essential oils or herbs, get a physical from time to time and have blood work done to ensure your numbers are all in safe zones. It is easy to overdo supplementation, and doctors study interactions and side effects in important ways that lay bloggers or hobbyists do not necessarily know. The use of these 'natural' items is common, so it isn't a great unknown among many actual physicians. Peripheral dermatitis could be the root of the mouth or nasal area rash/bumps you have. Or you may have folliculitis, rosacea, or a staph infection...it isn't typical to have very red patches of skin that look inflamed, and a persistent scratchy voice isn't normal either for most non-smokers. Self-diagnosing can miss curable problems, and can lead to small issues snowballing because they weren't dealt with in a timely manner. Even with a diffuser, it is easy to incorrectly use essential oils and overdose. If you keep them going for more than 30 min and the door and window of your room are shut, this could be a problem. Read on

https://www.webmd.com/skin-problems-and-treatments/ss/slideshow-essential-oil

https://www.cedars-sinai.org/blog/skin-conditions-look-like-acne.html

https://achs.edu/blog/2017/08/15/aromatherapy-essential-oil-dangers-and-safety/

https://www.cnet.com/health/are-essential-oils-actually-safe/

Transitioning from Home

 

I remember when my daughters stopped playing with Barbie dolls. There wasn't a warning or a ceremonial ending; just one day, they stopped playing with them. It was the same with ballet lessons and Irish Step dancing, baby dolls, Legos and playing dress up. Suddenly the phases of childhood came to a halt without warning. I'm thankful that being a full time homemaker and homeschooling momma didn't end without warning. For years I knew it was going to come--well, at least the homeschooling part. It wasn't clear until a few years ago that working would be part of the equation for me so our kids could attend the colleges the Lord was leading them to. 

Studying Outdoor Recreation, one thing we learned was how the anticipation of a trip was a very large part of the enjoyment. Surprises are cool, but anticipating a trip is almost as important as the event. The percent escapes me now but it's possible it was a higher percent of the enjoyment than the actual trip....

Along that vein but exactly opposite, was my experience with the end of life as I'd known it as a homeschooling/homemaking mom. For a couple of years the anticipation was hard. There were tears and lots of uncertainty. I loved all the things that were a part of my life as a home educator and homeschooler. From the early days of breast feeding and cloth diapering to gardening and canning, incubating chickens, teaching my own kids, teaching other people's kids, learning to cook for various allergies and health needs, keeping a tidy home, educating for academics and spiritual growth, preparing home cooked meals--it was all a joyous challenge to work out until what I considered success was mastered. Days were full and my life was profoundly fulfilling. I couldn't imagine what it would be like after my work wasn't pouring into my kids and home day and night. There were times my heart felt broken and my purpose in life felt murky. Even as a Christian, I just wasn't sure how God would use me so that I'd feel my life had meaning. 

As always happens after a time of darkness, the sun comes up and God shows Himself so faithful. The little cleaning business I'd started when our kids were very much at home became the focal point. I went from 1 client to 0 when Covid started because my dear friend was put in an assisted living. For about 8 months I prayed and waited, and then a friend asked me about cleaning her house. When 8 months more had passed,  3 more people had taken me on. Four months after that the number grew and then suddenly 2 months later my number was 8 clients. Here we are now, 4 years after my tiny business began and I've got 10 lovely families I'm able to clean for, and I love my work. It is beyond anything I could have imagined to help people care for the space that God has given them to be themselves, relax, have fun together and rest in. Home--it is such an important place. To get to make it clean and lovely for people is deeply satisfying. 

Only a great God who cares about His people can do something like that. Take a simple momma and help her feel that her life has meaning by cleaning other people's homes. Meanwhile, my own home dynamic is very different, but I'm fulfilling my new calling to serve my family by making money for college. It is a good thing to help our husbands carry out what they see as the right way to go. Whether we agree or not isn't the issue. God is faithful to bless when we keep our eyes focused on what He's said we're to do. So ladies, when your years of homeschooling are coming to an end, trust the Lord. Ask Him to show you what you can do, if you need to make money. If you don't, ask Him to show you what to do to stay very busy because a woman with too much time on her hands quickly becomes a busy body, often with insatiable lusts that make her unpleasant to be around.

April 11, 2020 Spring Emerging During COVID-19 Pandemic