Ease

Life is so much more emotional and stressful when having friends is seen as critical to a happy life. When the day to day focus is on nurturing relationships, it communicates something to your kids as well as continually feeding your own mind and heart--that you are needy in some capacity and other people are going to have to fill that need.

When People Are Big and God is Small is a great book to address this problem. I realize some won't see this as a problem, but boy let me assure you as someone reformed from this way of thinking, it IS.

There is a healthy perspective on friends and how much time they take, and then there is a dependence that often leaves responsibilities left undone.

Just today I spoke to a woman who started crying because one of her children doesn't have any friends. I understand this being something to burden a parent. We all want our kids to have friends or at least one friend, but the truth is, this is not a problem. God fills needs and if we are living for Him, we have to trust Him with the details. So often He keeps friendships from budding for a reason. Often people hide from their true problems by filling their life with friends, or they can't really live their lives on their own, so they require other people to fill in gaps. I understand some people need help to live their lives due to being single, having a spouse that is gone from home often, or due to having a lot of kids. But ideally teens should rely on their family and not require friends to get through the days and the responsibilities they have. Independence is important, and often we don't learn to lean on God if we have friends to drown out the need we have which is meant for Him alone.

When our focus is on being holy and serving God, there is a massive shift in how we order our days and how we spend our time. No longer do we see ourselves as people who need others in order to be fulfilled, whether our need is that we get something or we have a need to give something. When our days are spent serving the King of Kings rather than socializing, it builds in to our kids and our own psyche a mentality that is never 'desperate' for friends.

Sadly our society, through Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and pop culture feeds this narcissistic mentality that we must be around other people in order to be happy and whole. And not just around them, but interacting daily with them. Too many teens live this way and it is all about feeding their pleasures. They are only happy when they are being useless to society and hanging out with friends...playing music, playing games, dancing...

This may sound direct, but folks, it is the truth. The seeming epidemic of depression and anxiety with people in our society would be largely cured if parents stopped being so needy and spent their own time serving others and looking upward and outward. Instead parents complain about the work they have, they want life to be all about the fun, they find duty a drag and something to lament, and they don't require their kids to value work. So then it is all about how to build up their self-esteem and hundreds of dollars goes to that, when the problem is a fundamental core belief about life and living that has been instilled in them since birth.

This post started because it was about ease and friendship. Here is a truth I've found. Ease comes when you work and teach your children to work. It comes when friendship is a result of service and not a goal in and of itself. Ease comes when life is driven by duty and faithfulness, not pleasure-seeking. Through work, we find the peace and simplicity we long for. Ease doesn't come from avoiding work.