Old Letters

Saved email is one of those things that can help or haunt after someone dies.

It feels so 'current time' and can make me want to respond.

If only the person on the other end would receive it.

When I read, "I am here to listen and talk anytime,", I want to shout, "NO YOU AREN'T!"

Not anymore.

This particular email was from a year and 9 months ago.

We were so close.

I am different now.

I don't think she would feel good about how I've changed, but that is because it is hard to explain why this is better. No one can convince me that God hasn't been trying to teach me to not get too close to people. I think there are two reasons, well, there are more probably but these are two I'm sure of.

1. I need to go to God and fully trust Him alone rather than putting people first.
2. I can help those in need better if I've got proper boundaries set up.

I know I've been hurt a lot more than I should have been because of putting so much in to friendship and not receiving the same. My need level was too high and my heart was far too wrapped up. I need to be real with people and caring, but not expect us to be soul-mates. Life can be hard. We all make choices on how we spend our time and we prioritize the people in our lives differently.

It has been 3 months.

I miss my friend.