It isn't special revelation that our actions impact people, but I think we can fail to think through how our actions impact others. When in doubt, don't. That is wise advise I was given once. It is clear when someone has done something against us that they know wasn't above board. They may openly confess it, which is certainly preferred, or they go the route of Aaron regarding the golden calf and say that something 'happened' but leave out their role in it happening. They can also just be resentful and never say they are bothered, making the choice to love their resentment more than the relationship so that the issue never gets resolved well. We can't hold someone accountable for wronging us if they do not realize it, however. That is on us.
The issue is, when we don't rightly deal with relationship strains, other people can get brought into it and are put in a difficult or awkward situation. They've been brought into a circle of sin or offense. When people feel they need to hide something from someone else, it creates distance or discomfort. It might very well just be adults being sensitive to the feelings of others, but it might be that people sense something is wrong and they don't want to be party to it. It might be sin that we're tangoing with. If you have an offense against someone else, or are resentful, then think you've found a way to draw closer to God...you aren't hearing from the Holy Spirit. Just as we need to confess sin before having the right heart attitude with Communion, when we are actively sinning, we have distanced ourself from God so are not hearing clearly from Him. We are much more prone to go by our feelings in such times, and feelings are not the way to righteous living.
Within any organization or friendship, there is a way things are done or should be done. When someone goes rogue, it puts people in a sticky situation. Friendship is built on trust, and when that is compromised, emotional distance inevitably follows. When an organization does things a certain way and a person refuses to follow that, it is rebellious. We are to be at peace with others so far as it depends on us. When we choose to keep resentments piling up so we can one day use them to hurt someone, we are in sin, and there are real consequences to that.
We don't absolve our guilt, or gain the respect of others, when we dance around the truth of what we've done . Telling someone we've wronged that we didn't do what we did, doesn't amount to saying we're sorry. It also doesn't amount to admitting we did something wrong. We just need to own what we did and why it was wrong. If we're accused of wrong and know in our hearts we did not do that or intend to, we need to evaluate the best course of action. Sometimes a person is seeking to create a dialogue that allows them to continue on a sinful course of action and we must be mindful of that. Sometimes we need to take a step back and see if we were being insensitive. This is where timely confrontations must take place. People cannot be expected to recall details of a situation when a lot of time has passed. Only the one who feels they were wronged is marinating on a hurt for months or years. The other person, unaware of how they were perceived, isn't regurgitating the nuances because in their mind, it is a closed case and all was well.
Said another way, when we have held a grudge against someone but did not seek to clear the air for a long time, we have chosen to harm the relationship. People can't explain themselves or change if they aren't given the opportunity. Too often people who are hurt find ways to lash out, whether overt or subtle, creating a reason for a relationship to end. Hurting people hurt others. This allows avoidance of taking a hard look at the truth or changing. When a person has put someone in the place of God, for example, and they feel God is not helping them, they can then turn on the person and make them out to be the enemy, when in reality, that person was their friend and ally.
In any relationship, leaving out relevant details shows that you don't respect the person enough to tell them the whole truth, and if you don't, then find friends you will be open and honest with, because when someone can tell they aren't getting the whole story, tension is felt and erodes the relationship. Trust isn't there, and when that happens, there has been a real breakdown in the system.
