Making Life Smaller

God has a way of growing us that is pretty awe inspiring. We can be so hard-headed and intent to work in our own strength. Many people complain about getting older; we share platitudes about how it isn't for sissies and things along that line. It is true. There are things that go along with getting older that are not better than when you are younger!! But there are things that go along with getting older that are better. One is that you just can't stress too hard when you make mistakes. It happens. And it happens more and more at certain seasons of life.

It has taken over 50 years for me to slow down, and not because of a physical problem. That was a couple of years ago. But now my body is better, not like when I was younger, but far improved over the set-back 2 years ago. No, this slow down is more of a mental simplifying. A necessary simplifying. No one looking at my days would say I'm slowing down, but my ability to juggle many things well is slowing down rather. My world needs to shrink. I'm making mistakes that are surprising. I'd say 'alarming' if I were younger or living a different life. 

Recently I auto-shipped to a relative something I never intended to have on auto-ship. I ordered double of an expensive vitamin, possibly 4 times more....then I cleaned a house on a day I don't usually do it because of thinking I was traveling sooner than I was. It seems I forgot to tell the home owner I'd be there a different day, which was a big deal. No one wants someone in their house when they aren't expecting it! The kicker is, I didn't need to move the day I cleaned for them at all! We were not away on Thursday, only Friday...This last one is a total alert to PUT ON THE BRAKES in my busy schedule.

This is the reality of when you are over-loaded. This is when you must pull in the reigns hard and not make any plans with people. It is time to cut more from the schedule. Take things off the plate. Be home more. Slow down, double check, send reminders like I used to....make lists. I can't keep up with all the people I'd like to keep up with. I can't add coffee dates or lunch dates. Making plans with people is giving me heart palpitations. It has to be last-minute or not at all, and more often than not, it is going to be the latter.

God is good to bring me to this point. I've never been here; it is epic honestly. I know why I'm to this point, and thankfully so does my husband of over 28 yrs. 

Have you found yourself at your full capacity? Doing all you can, but obviously slipping? What do you do? Zero in on the must-do's. In all arenas of life. You can't have FOMO! Do the work that has to be done. Draw near to God, spend daily time with Him. Step away from responsibilities you can step away from. Carefully budget your energy and mental/emotional resources so the essentials get your best. 

My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Amen. 

Understanding Friends

The reality is, when a complicated trial comes, you find out who to go to for comfort. Some people try but fail. They may not be able to understand and suggest unhelpful things, so it just isn't comforting. It is taxing when stupid suggestions are made because they think without research, they understand. Some people do not try. The reasons are varied. Maybe they've also not researched, so they lack empathy. Some folks don't have the capacity to understand, but are good at being compassionate and caring. They feel your pain and sacrifice their time in order to pray and check in. Those friends are treasures. They carry you through. They buoy you when your heart is breaking and you feel desperate. It's likely when you have friends like that, you've done the same for them. Compassion has a beautiful way of coming back to us. God shows His loving care in that dynamic, and we can't experience it if we're never the one needing the help. We can't always be the giver, even though we might want to be.

Feeling despondent and sad cannot last long. It's too heavy. One must trust the Lord in such times. To do otherwise is terrible. Travailing in prayer and Bible study is very important. I'm reminded of the Mandisa song, You Are My Lifeline. We sure see that when we're in anguish. The friends who are with us in all the stages become such beloved people. Don't rob them of the opportunity to help you. Likewise, don't tell yourself they won't care and thus rob yourself of the opportunity to grow closer through your time of need. 

God is faithful and will not let us be tempted beyond that which we are able to withstand. Why are you downcast oh my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance, and my God! Having done all, stand firm in your faith. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. It is God who is at work in you. Cast your burdens upon Him, for He cares for you. His yoke is easy, and His burden is light. Great is His faithfulness ❤️. As others have done before you,  encourage yourself in the Lord. Even with great friends. There's no substitute for praise and the Lord. 

A Life of Service

My sweet sister asked if this was an off weekend for us, since they are rare. I happily told her,  Yes!, and listed what was on the agenda. 

It was work that was on the schedule. Which could seem counterintuitive to some, but a life of service to the Lord means down time involves the work we want to do and have to do, usually at home. I think of it as resetting for the week ahead. It is so relaxing to get all the things done so the "work week" runs more effectively. Tasks that have been on the list, things that make my home run most effectively for everyone...a few hours at night to do leisure activities is plenty. 

Of course, some weekends it is fun to get out and get away from the house. But that brings stress when things aren't in order at home or when there's been an awfully large amount of work during the week. It's something to think about and consider, whether it's a time to just say, "Forget the work, I need some fun!!" or to find that the work will bring more long lasting benefits. 

Let us work heartily as unto the Lord and not men while we're able. He brings the needed rest and increase!

Why I Love the Sovereignty of God

If I had to pick a favorite book of the Bible, it would definitely be something written by the Apostle Paul. I love him. I think of being in Heaven and just getting to see him from a distance. He will probably be glorifying God next to John MacArthur and Martyn-Lloyd Jones. Great men that I esteem so highly, yet are in a realm far from the one in which I tread. 

Ephesians is truly a book I love. There is so much peace when I read Ephesians 1...the clear reminder that God is God and I'm far below but yet still thought of and planned for and known. It is a very humbling reality. Romans is incredible, and the man I'm bonded to as they'd say in a Chuck Black book, finds it to be his favorite, and so did MLJ. Oh the depths and riches of God! It's a high brow book and I like the parts that show God's sovereignty and yet, man's responsibility. I'm in awe of God for having two roads that do not clearly intersect in my mind, yet I know they do in His. I love that before the foundation of the world God chose and predestined who would be saved, and that He has set up believing in Him as something we have to do, and that faith comes by hearing. He is brilliant, magnificent, the only wise God. 

This reality is one that has helped me so much the past many years. Life is hard. It is hard a lot of the time when you are a parent, spouse, sibling and an active member of your church. Add the other roles you have and the more there are, the more difficulty there can be. It is obvious how life is designed to make us long for Heaven the older we get. The prime years of life are fast. When there is boundless energy, beauty, intellect and strength the years fly by. When you awaken bright eyed or groggy, yet not in any pain. There is so much that we take for granted at each stage of life.

Through it all, I'm seeing there are always new opportunities to trust the Lord. Deeper challenges with really giving it ALL to Him. "Have hopes, but don't count on them. Have dreams, but don't bank on them. Have wishes, but be willing to forgo them. Love deeply, but with a hand that isn't clutching."

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  -Jesus

When life is not what I want, when there are hurts, disappointments, fatigue from the daily grind, questions, drudgery...I go to the Sovereignty of the King of kings and Lord of lords. I don't care what this church or that church teaches but I read the Bible and I see what it says. There was a beautiful man who has taught me for over 30 years that summed up exactly what I believe, and he is now, very recently, fulfilled wholly and has heard the words I long to hear, "Well done, my good and faithful servant, enter into the presence of your King." 

God, help me to be good and faithful as Your servant. Help me want what You want, love what You love, die to myself, and take up the cross You have assigned me, and please help me carry it with a smile on my face. And help me talk less when I'm excited. It's so embarrassing sometimes. I just love people and it is hard to reign myself in. I love to know and be known. 

The Situation in Western North Carolina

It is so distressing to have neighbors south of us still without power, after more than a month. FEMA doesn't seem to be particularly capable. Roads are still out, schools overpacked or closed, and when they reopen in Yancey County on Nov 18th, it is not an easy situation for parents to navigate. Yes, normalcy is good for kids, and they will get 2 meals on school days, but what if they can't shower? What about the safety of the roads for them trying to get to and from? There's a helpful element for parents trying to clean up and rebuild to have the children taken care of and progressing with school, but there are these concerns and a general anxiety many of them feel. I'm guessing some of that is due to the unsettled environment, and the fallout of tragedy and not having your kids nearby. It makes sense that it is a very challenging time for people. 

I've heard firsthand accounts from a new friend in the area who is a local. A fellow believer in Christ, she had a similar disquieted experience in her spirit about a relief worker whose motivations and background were questionable. We both went our own way, and this new friend has been able to help a lot of families get materials they need. An experienced homeschooler knows how to meet the needs of other homeschoolers, and help those new to it get started. 

One thing I've been seeing and hearing from folks in this group I'm in, is that most of the people in NC are not interested in handouts. They might have little or nothing, but the general air I pick up on is that they figure someone else has it worse and needs it more. I was told a story of a lady who was at the curriculum and supply giveaway and said she didn't need materials because they didn't lose their materials. My friend asked her about her home, was it damaged? 

Yes, was the reply. 

Is it cleaned up and repaired? Was your insurance claim approved? No.

Was FEMA helping you? No. 

So this poor lady was saying she had no need for the curriculum, but when asked, "Don't you think it would help your family to take this material for each of your kids so you don't have to worry about next year's schooling expenses?" To which the mother with the ruined home with foundation issues that were going to cost them a fortune broke down crying. And this is one story of one hurting family. 

I'm not there to physically help and encourage and hug these mothers. I wish I was. God has a different plan, so I'm doing what I can from Virginia. This rebuilding is an undertaking of epic proportions, and the families will be forever changed. If it could happen in NC in an area that isn't a hurricane flood area, it could happen here. 

Lord, please reach into the hearts of all those hurting and unsure of how to get their lives back together. Please calm their dreams, and alleviate their fears. Give them that peace that passes all understanding if they are Your children, and please call those who are not Your own to come to faith in You. Strengthen the pastors and draw families into those communities to bring needed resources, labor, and encouragement. You can do all things, and You can move mountains. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Why I Rarely Look Back

 It has been an emotional few days, and I've added some activities that haven't made it better. Albeit, unintentionally, but I'm realizing a few things I'll share regarding looking back.

Old photos, old videos, old letters from loved ones who are no longer with us, old stuffed animals, boxes of keepsakes, unfilled photo books from when you had a baby but never used ...do these things point us closer to Christ or do they fill our hearts with sadness?

Maybe some people look through and feel happier. For over 15 years we never had photos of our children around the house. It was very upsetting for me to look back and see the fast passage of time. My husband has been the same way. He also doesn't look back on the anniversary of deaths like some people. He isn't a grave site visitor and doesn't relish looking at old videos or too many pictures of the kids when they were small. I see why. 

My dad and step-mom were here visiting with an impromptu trip the past couple of days. I love seeing my dad, but it is kind of rare, and well, he's 82 and it is difficult to picture life with him gone. I wish we lived closer for easier visiting, but God hasn't granted that prayer. It isn't His will for us to have them over weekly for dinner or even monthly, and that has to be accepted. I've prayed for a long time to be nearer to our family if it is His will, and here we are still after almost 19 years. It's surprising to me and sometimes very frustrating. At other times I am content and just don't think about it, or I see God's wisdom in it and am fine.

During this visit that made me sad and left me confused at times, my dear friend and her family left the area for a new adventure very far away. It has been coming for nearly 7 months, but it is always hard when the trigger is pulled. Life changes so fast and suddenly, even when you are anticipating the newness. If they are like us with the ages of their kids, their whole lives could be lived in this new state, as ours has been here. We arrived when our children were 4, 2 and 8 months. These are pages written by the Lord that gradually unfold and before you know it, it's a book of your life in a certain place for a certain time, full of ups, downs and everything in between. And your children call it home, and it holds something special for them they can't get elsewhere...and to leave it is a big deal for them. 

In the midst of this, I needed a new phone and was trying to get it set up. Quickly my abundance of texts and pictures became a problem, so the heartache ramped up as I had to go through many old videos, label them, move them to my external hard drive...there's a video that is precious to me from Nov 2008 that has been lost. I've got the still shot but the AVI file is gone, and it pains me deeply. The kind of pain you have to go to God with because it seems overly dramatic, but I could cry hard over the loss of it if I let myself. I just feel so bad that in all the file corruptions and backing up over the past 10 years, this special file of my middle girl reciting the books of the Bible is only embedded in our memories. God has a reason. He cares about the things that trouble us, and He knows if one of my old computers has that file uncorrupted. The fact I know the exact date is a blessing, but it also shows that if He wanted me to have the file, He could bring it. A lof of 2008 was lost in a computer crash so I'm fortunate to have anything...But the videos and passage of time...my children yet unsaved, yet unrefined, learning, growing, adorable, messy, beautiful, giggly and small...and me, young, learning, thin, tireless, determined...I don't want to go back. I don't want to do it all again. I just want to hold them one more time sometimes when they were carefree and I had all the answers. Seeing their beautiful tiny faces, dancing, singing, so happy without adult cares...what a joy. But those days can't last. And they don't. And in general, is is best to not dwell on that and keep looking forward. Not too hard when you are in the throes of parenting, but when it slows down, oh discipline is needed so you don't waste these next 'best years of your life'. The reality is, some children are stuck in the younger years mentally, and I need to be thankful to God that mine are not. Accidents happen and thriving adults revert to a childlike state, and I need to remember that it is the natural and good course that has given us all the expected seasons of life. We've always said we're raising adults, and that must be before us at all times until we successfully launch 3 serious followers of Christ who are an asset to their family, their church, and their community.

So back to looking back...in Scripture we're only to look back to see the blessings of the Lord and to glorify God, or to learn from our sin and go forth and not do it anymore. We're not supposed to look back for digging up hurts or for rehashing this or that. When we look back to remember, it is for specific reasons that should leave us feeling more whole in Christ, not more empty. Biblical looking back is always specific to see the hand of the King of Kings and ultimately praise Him. 

My closet is so full of my youth and childhood, and it can make me feel just as I did when I had those things as a younger woman and a little girl. What do I do with all of these special things? I seldom recall they are there, but I was digging around looking for the certificate of the peg my husband bought me in the Ark. Back before the replica was built, when protests were mighty and funding was needed...when God's people prayed and prayed for Answers in Genesis and Ken Ham to be protected and successful, you could buy a part (sponsor it) and get a certificate and a number, and we're going soon and I want to see where my special peg is. I cried when I was given that gift. I loved the Ark project and longed to visit one day when it was built. Now it is time, and can I find that paper? I put it somewhere special. 

No. I can't at the moment, but my bedroom is now full of nearly every keepsake of mine that was carefully squeezed into the closet. I've gone through all the keepsake boxes downstairs with well organized files of what actually was what the boxes said, all the school papers and art I saved from my 3 babies. In my distress and the house a bit of a shambles, my husband, who is the most resourceful man alive, found his receipt in his email from Dec 23, 2013 and printed the information needed so that we can all go to the area where my special peg is ♥. I'll surely find that certificate next year...

So here I am, at bedtime, tears just keep streaming down my face. Because my friend and those precious boys are gone. My dad is old and could pass at any time. My bedroom is literally a totally wreck with special memories that make me sad to look back on but I can't part with (envelopes and letters from my mom who died before I got married, for example). And I'm missing people I loved dearly who are gone and whose funeral cards are one of the things in a special box. (I hate death.) And I'm missing my sisters who I will probably never live very close to again. 

I talked to them both today for the first time in AGES. It is my one sister's birthday, and the other has 2 new grandchildren and we just haven't had time to talk since she had to return to the office full time instead of working from home a lot. After 2 hours, we wrapped up that talk. I needed some comfort, and I wanted to tell her all the things...that's what a sister 9 yrs older can do...listen so well and care when I'm super sad. 

I guess I need to ask God to help me get rid of things that only make me sad when I look back. And to help bind up my broken heart over all the people I've said goodbye to and miss a lot. And to remind me He has a plan for my life even though sometimes it feels like everyone else gets to move on and have adventure while I'm still here in the Burg. The reality is, the place I want to go a lot of the time doesn't exist. It is a time in the past mixed with the present, full of all the people and nearness and the wisdom of now but it was long ago, and that time can't be. It shouldn't be. It is a created place that never was and never will be. I'm here, now, serving the Lord, and need to trust Him in this new season. He will never leave me nor forsake me, and He won't leave you or forsake you if you belong to Him. What a good and loving God. 

Now to Him who is ABLE to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us. To Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus now and forever, Amen. Eph 3:20-21

Intentional Parenting (series)

I happened upon this series while watching the Revelation podcasts. In starting the first one, I feel these can be recommended because Pastor Skelly referenced and recommended my favorite parenting book, Shepherding A Child's Heart by Ted Tripp. 

Parenting goes so much better if you go about it in a way that honors the Lord. I hope you will take time to watch these. Perhaps on a Fri or Sat night with your spouse for a study time. 

Intentional Parenting Series by Pastor Kurt Skelly

Unexpected Scenarios

It is taken for granted when children are young and parents are young, that we can influence our kids, protect them, and offer guidance and advice whenever it is warranted. It is very sad to see parents who are too busy to be with their young children, pursuing their own dreams to the exclusion of regular family time. This is one thing I loved about homeschooling; so much time together to talk and interact, though it takes effort to really connect of course. 

I think one of the most difficult things older parents can experience is when their kids shut them out, and then make decisions that are not the best. Sometimes the decisions are dangerous or completely wrong. Adults, be they young or not-so-young, are free to do what they want. Wisdom seeks good counsel, which isn't always what is wanted. It isn't so wise to seek counsel from those who will tell us what we want to hear, or seek it from those who don't know us that well. When we seek counsel from many who don't know us, we might not get the hard truth we need to hear, because only those who deeply love us, or deeply love the Savior, will be bold enough to tell us the truth. People who aren't impacted by our decisions are often not invested enough in us to really lay it all out. 

Drying fig leaves for tea

What I'm learning more as I age is that we cannot lose our peace when people shut us or our informed counsel out. We can only do what we can do, which sometimes is just cry out to God, and ask Him to watch over our loved ones. When we could save our loved ones from disaster or just a rough road, we can't care more than the person who is going to likely end up in a mess of their own doing. It is painful when we could help but are not asked, but we must humble ourselves before the Lord and remember as His children, He is loving us and caring for us, and ultimately we should desire to serve Him where and how He wants us to. 

Stubborn self-reliance and pride have led more than one person down a wrong road. Yes, there is wisdom in a multitude of godly counselors, and at the same time, people who don't go to their own family for help can look like they don't actually have a support system. People may wonder, "Why isn't their family helping them? They must not have a close family to count on." If that is our situation, we can't help that there is a strong family available but not wanted. I'm not saying that one's family can provide all that is needed, but it can certainly save us from looking like a person who has no strong support system and MUST therefore RELY on friends or strangers. 

When we're in need of help, we should go to God first, and then after talking and listening for His answer, we should go to those we trust the most to keep the condition of our hearts and walk with the Lord a top priority. After that, we can seek wise counsel from trusted friends we know have our back. God is a jealous God. He wants and deserves first place in our hearts.

Reputations are built quickly and changed slowly. 

Gratitude and Mission

There's been some discussion lately about the low standard we tend to have in today's culture for many things. One area in particular is the general laziness of people, particularly mothers.  When comparing to generations past, sadly we often see today's mothers happily handing their children their phone or an iPad to keep them occupied, and when they're not doing that they are running around socializing  So they don't have to keep a close eye on their children or worry too much with training them. In general the children today are not at home being trained by a dedicated and hard-working mother committed to doing her absolute best for their sake day in day out.

If this is an observation that we are seeing, what is the problem before women become mothers?  Are they diligent and hard-working, taking every opportunity to serve others and the Lord?  Or like so many of the mothers that we see, are these ladies-in-waiting more consumed with their own comfort and relaxation than taking every opportunity to serve the Lord and those around them?  It takes a determined mindset of service and sacrifice to look around us and ask ourselves why the Lord has us where He has us.  How many opportunities do we miss to bring Him glory and point others to Him because we are consumed with ourselves and our own interests?

 As we give thanks to God each day for the blessings that He has put into our lives and the path that He has laid out for us, we should also be asking Him how He wants us to best show others His glory and point others to Him.  I do not think He is ever leading His children to keep their light under a bushel and worry about the clothes on their back or the food on their table.  He puts us where he puts us in order to be a bold witness for Him and to care more about the souls of those around us than our own needs.

For the mother with young children, her primary mission field is her children. For those hoping to have children the mission field is whoever He has put you shoulder to shoulder with. 

Are we doing our best for Jesus's sake?

Things Change

I've always loved the yard...gardening, grass tending, flowers, playing with my dog or just sitting out there listening, praying, thinking... Many fond memories from when my beloved children were young and lived at home full time fill my mind whenever I'm out there. 

In recent years I've had to forgo gardening, which has been a big change. The work I do now precludes hobbies that have me low to the ground, bending my knees unnecessarily. I never imagined that would happen, but it has. The sun is very hot now on my skin, something else I didn't foresee. The prolific strawberry patch has been covered over so that the weeds and plants do not return. It is hard on the back to deal with picking berries and weeding over and over! 

All this to say, the most notable change that I couldn't have imagined, is a rather profound sadness when I'm outside, spring beckoning, and walking the perimeter of the yard, talking with my dog. I say "with", but I guess it is more "to". She doesn't respond (thankfully, not yet, anyway.) Thoughts of my youngest invariably come mind, and it is hard that he is not here. We weren't outside all the time together, but the deep joy I had from the times out there together have left a deeper impression than I realized at the time of the making. He was often helping me do things; and working outside together brought me so much pleasure. He liked being outside, too, and was generally happy to help. His strength made jobs very easy for me :). I guess it was just really nice to have someone to get to do things that were sort of getting more difficult, but which enabled the enjoyment to be there, and the companionship was nice. He was always a good listener and had things to say, too. The yard rather became my sons as he aged because part of manhood training gave the mowing and trimming there to him. Plus the dog and lots of her training was done by our son. We'd often talk of going fishing or just out to Colonial to drive around and see the sights. That was a place we enjoyed together, and the nicer weather brought it up in our conversations.  

It is just interesting when we love a place, and spend time in that place with someone who is happy to be there with us, how it creates something special. Maybe more than we realize. 

So maybe encourage your kids to be with you doing things you love. They will, possibly, learn to love those things with you. And special memories are made. While there is sadness later in those places, it is so much better than emptiness or just your own solitary memories. 

In closing, let me encourage the reader to be nice to your children. Love them enough to make the right choices. Love their dad, and enjoy the long days you have together. If you do things right, one day you will lament their leaving as they make their own way in the world, praying fervently for the Lord to watch over them, keep them safe, and guide their steps. Because the time comes that they have to go, and you will want them to, but it doesn't always make you feel happy. ♥

I'm Sorry I Ruined Your Life!!

Finishing 181 handwritten Christmas cards with stickers on each one (up to 3!) warrants a reward. Mine is taking a few minutes to write this blog post that has been milling around in my mind for several weeks. Did the title catch your eye?

This post is going to be making two different points but both relate to the title. 

Point 1:

Someone tells you that decisions you made, which directly impacted them, ruined their life. Maybe not ruined, but negatively impacted them and they blame you. You failed them.

How do you respond? What do you think? 

I'll start by saying what not to do if you actually care to reconcile (which you may not, but if you do, read on). Do not invalidate the claim. You can't change someone else's perspective. You can explain why you disagree, but also point out that you understand they see it differently, then go on to point out the issue at hand is this: are they going to forgive you and move forward, or is this now going to define the relationship forever? I'd also be sure to point out that everyone is "failed" by others at some point in time and we ALL have to reveal the character we have, or do not have, in how we forgive and move forward. If Christians are involved, realize no believer can live in a state of unforgiveness. Refusing to reconcile is a serious decision. Forgiveness doesn't necessitate reconciliation, but it should make a believer really weigh out if their scenario can truly stand on NOT reconciling. 

NUTSHELL: "So, I wronged you. You found out that Basket Weaving Club existed when you were too old to join...and you always longed to be in a group that did that...I'm sorry, please forgive me. I didn't think it was the right group for you. I'm sure if you are determined now, you can learn to weave baskets. Remember the Lord has a plan for your life and He is interested in using all the aspects of your life to grow you to look more like Jesus. I'm certain any failings I've caused you can be used for good with God involved if you are submitted to Him."

Point 2:

Someone you know has a weird hang-up about something that is really not on your radar screen. In your view, it is either wrong or just super odd. How much do you try to accommodate this? I'd say that you do what you can to be at peace with all men and not rile someone up unnecessarily, but we do not need to make another person's obsession or hang-up OUR obsession or hang-up. "As far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men." Romans 12:18 Then there is the whole 'weaker brother' argument. When dealing with fellow Christians, if they can't eat meat without a guilty conscience, maybe refrain when with them one on one if you can?? Would it kill you? 

NUTSHELL, full of opinion: All of your Christmas cards feature a woodland animal and you've got a friend who just can't stand them. He was scratched by a squirrel once and needed rabies shots... and your card has a nature scene. You are at the end of your stack and no more cards. Dilemma: Do you NOT send a card, or just send what everyone is getting and trust your friend can handle the nature scene? It is your call. I'd say send the card. You didn't plan to upset the friend, but you have already done the other 180 cards and it is the 11th hour. Or don't send it, but then you are letting a ridiculous viewpoint carry the weight and reinforcing an overinflated reaction. To have purposefully bought a woodland scene card would have been wrong, but it was an oversight. Obviously this requires some thought: the seriousness of the situation is a factor and if the relationship can handle your choice. 

Time to stop before I move on to: "How To Cope With Overly Sensitive People"  or "Living Amidst Passive Aggressiveness: To Care or Not to Care?"

This wraps up today's edition of I'm Sorry I Ruined Your Life!

When Plans Go Differently

You know when you are planning something and you have this vision of what it will look like? It could be something big like an outdoor wedding or a large funeral you are orchestrating. But it could also be just a small dinner with friends or a quick getaway. Regardless, there is either a general or very specific idea of what "it" is going to look like, and then for whatever reason, before said event, it becomes clear that things are going to go in a pretty different direction than you'd thought. It might be weeks before the event or moments prior that you have to change gears. There is rain when you counted on sun, there are people you thought would be attending that back out, or people end up bringing guests they weren't expecting themselves, or the caterers cancelled and there had to be a last-minute audible. 

What do you do in these situations? 

How do you act and feel? 

For events where weather is a true impacting force, it is best to not have your heart set on it being any one way. Make sure your backup plan is satisfactory and decide beforehand to accept whatever comes your way. Weather can be unpredictable so plan accordingly--that is, plan to be flexible!

When it is an event that involves other people, commit the event to the Lord and trust Him to bring who He wants to be there. Sometimes the keynote speaker has to miss, there is an unavoidable delay, or what one person wants differs from what you want. We have a choice to go with the flow or be uptight. Going with the flow is much easier. Plan as best you can, but if it gets all wacky, all you can do is roll with it. That is a good way to show grace to other people and a way to demonstrate the relationships are more important than our own perceived needs. 

Slander and Pride in Prayer Requests

Most women are familiar with gossip being a potential pitfall when sharing a prayer need. Too often the "need" for prayer becomes a bash session or a town council style opinion meeting if it isn't carefully shared. This isn't new information for those who desire to avoid gossip. 

There is another issue that I think we sometimes miss in prayer request time that has had me thinking though. It is the issue of slander: speaking against someone in a way that harms their reputation or negatively shapes the opinion of others. It can happen before we know it, and it can be one of those things we didn't intend. Slander can be factual or false, and it can flow out of a lack of humility and pride, but also lack of foresight. Too often if something is true we think it is ok to openly share. (True as in absolutely true, or true in our own minds and opinion.)

The truth is,  however,  whether something is factual or not, it isn't always helpful or appropriate to share. We should be able to see what is our own opinion of a situation and "our truth" for what it is--possibly clouded and mistaken, especially within the confines of a serious relationship problem. 

Before sharing a prayer need about a problem we have with another person, we should ask ourselves what exactly are we saying about the other individual? Are we saying they are a thief, a liar, an adulterer, deceived, malicious, that they have an anger issue, or something else? Is the problem absolutely one-sided (like a person has a clear substance abuse issue or is in a cult) or is there a chance both parties are at fault to varying degrees? We should always ask for our own hearts to be changed in situations with subjectivity. 

We don't want people coming away from our prayer request thinking poorly of someone else if it can be helped. I realize there are times this is unavoidable. In such cases, prudence is advised. Instead of sharing in a group setting, ask a trusted friend or two to pray (if details are required that will shed negative light on someone else). Regardless, whenever we have a problem with another person to the degree that it leads us to seek the support of others, our attitude should be that we are willing to see the situation differently if God sees it differently. There should be a measure of humility, our love for the other person should be clear, and our desire for reconciliation over being right should be obvious. If we aren't there yet when we share the need, it is important we're open to advice on the matter and do not approach it like we have it all figured out.

In closing, let's consider being vague in prayer needs so we respect the reputation of others, and being sure to communicate our own willingness to change our perspective. There is usually something we can improve upon in any problem situation. 

To God be the glory

The Small Things in Mothering Aren't So Small

One of the great lies that has permeated our culture, including in the church, is that the traditional aspects of motherhood aren't important. Somehow we've bought into the wrong thinking that a quiet mother content to be home all day nurturing her children isn't a mother who is pulling her own weight. Somehow we've forgotten that God's design is that children are raised by a mother at home, ideally one who is the quiet force of prayer behind her husband who is out in the world, shouldering the difficult things of the world as he provides for his family. There is an element of protection a husband offers to his wife who is able to fully and freely give her time and energy to the important task of raising the children. It is important for children to live on a schedule, be served regular meals each day in the home, be clean, and not rushed all the time. Life should be able to naturally happen without continual distractions from the outside world, be it the cell phone, TV, continual social interaction with others, or many organized sports or activities. Why have we as mothers in today's world lost sight of how important all these little things are?

Added together the daily routine of life is what builds a stable home for our children. Meals should be around the same time every day sitting at the kitchen table as a family. Baths should be regular with the same general routine surrounding them. Teaching time should be consistent. This chaos that makes one wonder, "What is the mother DOING?" should not be the thought people have when they see our homes and lives. Christian mothers in particular should be exemplifying the truth of "Let all things be done decently and in order." 

Being with one's children and not having paid employment outside the home does not make one a good, full time mother. The little daily routines of life are not small or unimportant; they are each important. The vast majority of child training happens in the midst of the stable routine of life. It is against this backdrop an attentive mother can see the wrinkles in her children that need to be worked on and worked out. If everything surrounding the ever-changing growth and tendencies of children is in flux and changing, where is the focal point with which to measure and make the needed changes? It is too hard. 

Mothers, where are you? Who is feeding, dressing, cleaning your children? Who is taking care of the home God has provided for you and your family? Why will you not show your husband you appreciate what he has worked hard to give you by keeping it clean and orderly?

Christians should do everything with excellence. The mark of excellence is a mark or order, being on time, cleanness, reliability, stability, restfulness, peace, holiness....Sadly when you look in our churches and homes you find far less than that. Our culture has been infiltrated by communistic ideas that motherhood doesn't matter. Wives are doing their own thing, worrying about far more than instilling excellence in their primarily responsibilities. Materialism has too many women working so that designer clothes, expensive vehicles and fancy homes can be possessed. Mothers seek fulfillment serving others at the expense of their children, too often thinking that their children will 'catch Christianity ' by seeing them serve others. Unfortunately, we're trading what is best for what is merely ok. We've bought the lie as women that there is more out there to this life of motherhood, and we're tacking on tons of extras that take us away from keeping the white fence post white. We are not learning to be content and consistent, we are honing our skills of avoiding what is hard for us. God help us! Help the church to be on time, excellent, clean, orderly and full of mothers making the needed sacrifices to raise their children well, at home. 

Why Are There Different Types of Christians?

A person could go in an endless number of directions with a title such as this. What do I mean by 'types'? What is meant by 'different'? I'm referring to Christians who are more conservative in how they live versus "Christians" who live how they want. The former may seem restricted in their choices of what consists of entertainment, how they dress, and lifestyle choices. "Christians" on the other hand don't necessarily look that different from the world. They may say things that are different from the world, but they do many of the same things. What is the world? It is those who deny God in theory and practice. 

The defining issue of why some Christians live very different from other "Christians" is an issue of biblical authority. That is to say, what is the source of truth? If the Bible is true on all points of life and theology, then it ought to be followed as God's holy word. If the Bible is optional and we are free to pick and choose what to follow, then God isn't God, we are. If we are God, then we are not part of His elect--we are not His children--we will not spend eternity with Him. If the Bible is God's holy word, which God says it is, then "Christians" who ignore what it says aren't really submitting themselves to God. 

It has been said that either Jesus is Lord of all, or He is not Lord at all. That is the crux of the matter. Saying we believe in Jesus as God's only Son, and that He died and rose again to conquer sin does not put us in God's family. We must believe that Christ died for our sins and turn from them. If we continue in our sin, what is the point? We are not saved from eternal damnation by a whimsical "I believe" which then lets us be our own Gods! That is no where in Scripture. 

The one and true God of the Bible is the One with the authority to make the rules. He has clearly laid them out and just as Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and they life." God has said that  we are to have no other god before Him...yet we make ourselves gods all the time by doing what we feel is right, what we feel makes sense, what we think is ok--all the while ignoring what He has said is the right way for His followers to act, think and live. 

The issue of different types of Christians is this: either the Bible is all true and God-breathed, or it is not. If it is not, and we do life how we want, sprinkling in Bible words to sound like we have morals, then we will face eternity without Him. Being a Christian means turning in a new direction--leaving the path of self and getting on the path of God. It is nothing short of heartbreaking to see how many people are choosing the wide road that leads to destruction. Don't be among them. There are no do-overs.

The Day After Graduating Our Youngest-To My Children

Written to my children...

Today's post isn't one that I've pondered for a while, waiting to get time to write it. Rather it is the result of what is currently going on. How to categorize the feelings and thoughts of a nearly 49 year old Christian wife and mother, who owns her own small residential cleaning business and has sold Mary Kay for 27 years, having just graduated her youngest child, and only son, is not a task this woman could have foreknown. It has been a year full of wonderful celebrations. My husband turned 50, we went away for a week to remember and enjoy that 25 years ago we pledged our lives to one another, our youngest child turned 18 and registered for the selective service, and we chose the college he'll attend. Milestones occurred with our young, professional eldest achieving a year at her work and being midway through her Master's degree. At newly 22, we're grateful for a daughter who loves us and who we love and enjoy being with. Our middle child is a steady source of pride and challenges me to think more linearly as her father does. She is reliable, dependable, and like the Lord in how she is a rock in times of trouble. I'm not a mother who lavishes false praise upon her children, these 3 people are among the absolute best I've been privileged to have the acquaintance of. As I write, the youngest and most recent high school graduate is at work a mile from home, and the middle daughter is driving the worst highway in America to settle in for a long desired summer internship she has worked hard for.

How do I feel today amidst all of this? I was asked that question last night by a friend who asks good questions at poignant intervals of life. It was a blessing to have a close knit audience with which to whisper my gradually releasing emotions to over graduating the youngest and only son, thereby closing the doors of our homeschool Academy forever. My rather extreme laryngitis has been interestingly timed, which I'll credit our good God with. Even so, too much was spoken over the course of the evening and the price is being paid today. 

Aside from the subpar state of my health, which is an inseparable mixture of physical fatigue, emotional stress, and a tenacious summer cold, I'm able to reflect a bit on this new season we're in. The silent and unprompted tears have started falling without warning throughout the morning. This is something that has only happened in my life a few times. No immediate stimulus, nothing going through my head, just quiet tears and a heart that is blessed with the answered prayers of 18 years and the heartache of the answered prayers of 18 years. Having two precious daughters to comfort me in a moment of pouring out my heart, quietly, is yet another blessing from God. Change involves pain sometimes and it doesn't mean it is the wrong thing. It is often very much the right thing which is happening. 

Releasing a child to the world of adulthood not only ends the daily coming in and knowing they are at the desk right by the front door, usually opening it for you with a friendly, "Hello Momma", but it ends the regular interactions. The few minutes each day to touch, talk, help each other, impact one other steadily...it ends. Suddenly and with plenty of warning, the happy and hard times of motherhood screech to a halt. 

There is no greater joy than to know my children walk with the Lord Almighty. The goal has been met, to raise them all in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Despite family members who disagreed with our homeschooling, or who thought we were in a religious cult because we shunned Catholicism and worldly ideas of "I trust God but I never go to a Bible preaching and teaching church.... and I refuse to obey what God clearly states because I'd rather do what I say is right rather than Him", we charted our course and stuck to it. I'm so grateful for my now living-in-glory mother-in-law. She was a pearl of great price in my life and the family member who supported our decision to homeschool from the very beginning (there was also a sweet lady from our church who was very encouraging but I forget her name). I can never relate to a bad mother-in-law. Those jokes fall flat upon my ears, as mine was a best friend, a tireless cheerleader, lover of my children, and person I could really talk to. She gave motherly advice and took the counsel of a more mature Christian who was younger than her. God allowed me to pray with her for salvation, to be assured of her future with Him. That early encouragement showed me that most mothers do not need much, they don't need a host of encouragers to succeed--they just need one person to tell them it is a good idea and they can do it. 

So here I am. The wife of a wise, godly, full-of-integrity man who not only taught our kids math, but has been the force behind our Academy for 18 years. Guiding, pushing, setting high standards, cheerleading no matter how tired he was.....he taught me to sacrifice what I wanted because it was best for our kids, to not have what was current with technology or style because our kids would push the boundaries further, to say no to what was lesser so we could say yes to what was greater. And while there are always people who give us a hard time because we don't live at church long after the service is over, God knows the hours we spend serving Him. While we can't socialize non-stop and host people in our home weekend after weekend, God knows the hours we spend praying and talking and serving in the ways He's equipped us for. While we don't talk and talk without end, we read and work and serve in our way, and God is using that in the ways He has designed us for and which is bearing the fruit we believe is pleasing to Him. It is the best we can do.

I'm so thankful I didn't get too caught up in the endless debates over which writing curriculum was best or which method of homeschooling was best...Thomas Jefferson, Classical, Traditional, Charlotte Mason...the pride some moms feed by dying on that mountain is a colossal waste of time. Feeling you have to teach your kids every last jot and tittle rather than hire subjects out because you are convinced that is holy and the other is not...just avoid those sort of thoughts and small-minded people. Do the hard work of having high standards, live holy lives, be set apart, take the criticism of the lost and those in the church, and press on toward the goal God has set before you. Nothing is as fulfilling as living for excellence in a non-distracted way. 

So while you all have graduated with the same GPA, more than 30 dual-enrollment credits, no cavities, no tattoos, pure in body--which I praise and thank God for, the greatest joy to your mother's heart is that you love the One True God and are committed to serving Him. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. 

That will get me through this next stage.

I love you all with my whole heart, and I trust my life has shown you that even when I've fallen short. No sacrifice made for your family will ever be too great, just make sure it is one that God is pleased with and isn't part of some arbitrary movement other woman are pushing. ;)

Forever your doting (and violently (?) passionate and committed) Mom

Building a Car and Home Library for Your Kids

Being in the car is a great time to impart truth and information. Here are a few ideas that we enjoyed with our kids. Buying used is fantastic if you can. At this point I wish we could have held on to all of this stuff, but I've always sold what we're finished with to fund what is coming next. 

These items are also great if you do a quiet time for your kids who are finished with naps, or if you set up 'stations' as part of keeping an ordered, well-planned day for your children. A story listening time/station is a fun thing to add to the mix!

Check homeschool groups and websites for deals, and if your area has an annual Convention, that is a terrific place to look for used materials. In Virginia we have the Home Educators Association of Virginia and the annual Convention is very encouraging and full of resources.

Birthdays and Christmas are good opportunities to get the library built up! Who needs more toys?!

Cedarmont Kids Bible CDs (we had some DVDs as well)

Lyrical Life Science CDs (mom should listen to see if all is age appropriate, though listening to things above one's level is good--just want to watch for introducing content before it is time)

The Singing Bible  (We still enjoy this today, it is a beloved family fav! Just one or 2 songs we opted to skip due to musical style or if it was scary to very young kids.)

Jonathan Park (adventure, Creation, very enjoyable)

Jim Weiss (so many quality stories to listen to--this is a terrific way to boost your child's vocabulary)

Moody Science DVDs (If you want to treat your child to screen time, there are few things better than these! Give them an appetite for truth and learning early on and it will reap dividends their whole life.) Solid creation viewpoint

Buddy Davis' Amazing Adventures solid creation viewpoint, from Answers in Genesis

Mystery of History This is a history curriculum that we used for several years. The books are good to work through with multiple ages. The CDs are helpful for just packing in more information and reading through the material for you. It is a good way for mom and the kids to learn. Solid creation viewpoint.

When my kids were very young we enjoyed being in Classical Conversations. The group changed through the years to be less of what we wanted, so we went a different direction. We are Bible believing Christians who attend a Baptist church because we believe it aligns most closely with Scripture. There are other good Protestant churches out there, but we're members of a Baptist church and have been for over 25 years. That said, I'm a fan of memory work for elementary-aged students and if you can get an old guide and the CDs that go with the same edition, it is a good way to do memory work. You can Google it and lots of materials show up on ebay. I owned the first 3 editions of the Foundations guide I think. The CDs are enjoyable and we had fun doing hand motions and singing along. There are 3 cycles that CC goes through. The CDs should be no more than $25, far less used. 

I have a friend who prefers Claritas for memory work, after also having done CC. I've never used it but have seen it, so I am comfortable recommending it based on these things. Whatever you do, find memory work that you will use, and then use it! :)

A timeline that starts with Creation and goes to the modern day is great. We used Veritas Press for this since that is what CC used at the time. Then CC made their own timeline. I'm not sure what all is out there now...just realize this, there are many good resources available. Some may be better than others, but do not spend too much time splitting those hairs. Your students will get a far better education if you just pick something and DO IT. Who really cares if you stumble upon a more thorough timeline a couple of years after you've chosen one and started teaching it? Unless it is earth-shatteringly better, just stay the course. And that is my suggestion for all subjects. Love your kids, pick quality, DO IT DAILY, and stay the course. You will finish well ahead of your peers if you can just do that.

Most Conservative States

https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/most-conservative-states

As the USA continues to head in a downward direction and political sides no longer dialogue in reasonableness, do we move to states or cities where our votes will matter more on a local level? 

Do we move to where we can live our values out better? 

I'm not sure if that is the way to go or not as the nation is divided politically and as people refuse to live peaceably among those who think differently. I'm hoping the Lord makes it clear at some point if this is information to use for a change. Will we see conservatives banding together locally all around the country and liberals doing the same?

It seems to me that as people age within a family, living relatively close to each other is important. This could be a separate issue from the conservatives/liberals moving to be among their own kind though.

Food for thought

Why Don't I Do What I Ought?

I'm reading an excellent book and have recently completed a chapter that has served as a wonderful reminder of showing love by the choices we make. It is impressive to me the way books work. One person might come away with different thoughts than another person based on where each individual is in their life. I'm thinking a great deal about several points even though I'm only midway through the work. 

What I'd like to share about today is showing love through our actions and daily living. 

If we claim to love someone, which we do actually proclaim regardless of what we verbally say, it should impact how we live. For example, I'm a wife, so it is presumed and expected that I love my husband. I'm a mother, so it is presumed and expected that I love my children. If I fail to demonstrate love to my husband and children, who does it reflect poorly on? Is it solely me, or is it also my Savior, who I claim to represent? How important is it that everything my life touches looks and IS excellent as a representative of Jesus Christ?

We live in a world surrounded by social mores, and we all know what love looks like in general. We also know what it does not look like. 

In thinking of these two very important areas of my life, my husband/children, and God who has given me all good things, these are the thoughts I'm having:

How do I take care of the people and things I am thankful for? 

How can someone tell something or someone is neglected? (Can we assume what is cared for by someone is likewise valued by them?)

What are the things my husband cares about? Do I take time to nurture those things daily? Can people see that I'm doing, or not doing, that?

What about my children? Are there things they care about? Am I taking time to value those things with my actions and words?

Are there any areas of my life that a person could look at and wonder how I can claim to be a Christian and yet be so neglectful of, or do people look at my life and see a commitment to striving for excellence in all things? 

When my Savior has called me home and people are standing around talking and reflecting on my life, I want them to reflect on how hard I worked to represent Christ well in everything I did. I want my home, inside and out, to reflect gratitude and appreciation for those in it and for the fact of being given it to raise our family in. I want my body to reflect gratitude to God in how I take care of it, and for it to be obvious I view my body as not belonging to me, but to my husband and ultimately, the Lord. I want my work to show that I answered to Someone higher than who was paying me to do the work. I want my children to be a representation of a life poured into them in the right ways--the correct balance of giving, withholding, sacrifice, indulgence...and I want my words to build up and not tear down. God help me. 

Each of us have areas in which we need to grow. Are we taking time to assess those? Do we listen carefully when we're given advice on how we might need to change or do we dismiss it out of hand? Do we read the Bible and sound books on how to live righteously or do we assume we know it all? Do we spend much of our time looking at the faults of others rather than looking at ourselves to see where we fall short so we can improve? Are we most concerned with being known, or with getting to know others? Often if we would stop talking and listen, we will find what those around us need rather than worrying so much about what we want that we don't have, or what we want to try to impart to them. 

May God have mercy on us and help us grow more like Him. 

25 Years Married is a Beautiful Thing

There is no substitute for Christian marriage. God designed it to be beautiful, fulfilling, and to bring Him glory. There is no similar thing that comes close because marriage is God's...it is His design. Something close isn't it. Living together isn't it. When a man commits to a woman and they pledge before God to love and cherish one another, the two become one and it is a strand of 3 cords that is not easily broken. I'm so thankful for the best 25 years of my life and for the man God entrusted me to. He's been my provider, protector and has led me closer to the Lord. I've watched Him guide our children into wisdom and truth for over 20 years and have been blessed to work alongside him. Here are a few pictures from the trip we took celebrating the gift of our marriage. May God give us at least 25 more!

Ft. Frederica

American Beach

Amelia Island

Concours d'elegance 

View at breakfast (putting green being installed, hence the cones)

Ft. Clinch

St. Mary's, GA

Ferry ride to Cumberland Island

Cumberland Island National Seashore (and above)

View from our balcony

View from outdoor seating area where we enjoyed sushi one night

Dunes on Amelia Island near resort walking path