Newlywed Advice

Now that I have older kids, I would like to think my opinion has changed on how near to live to family when first married. After 24 years of marriage, and recalling how our first years went, my view has remained the same by and large. 

It is best to live a bit away from family when first establishing your married life if it is clear that you as a couple need that to truly establish your own home. Observation has shown me that when this is not the case, new couples often overly complicate how to split their time with each side. This could be due to excess pressure from one side, or one mother-in-law. Regardless, distance would help this dynamic. Having some distance can help couples leave and cleave, particularly if the extended family is unsaved or particularly weird. If the new husband or wife cannot keep their strange family at bay, some distance can help as they work out how they want to do things within their new household. 

Distance can also help us appreciate our extended families in a new way. Sometimes when a new couple is figuring out how to live near each set of in-laws, they put up hard fences, which can hurt feelings and damage relationships more than they probably intend. It isn't just in-laws, there are siblings, nieces and nephews, aunts and uncles to try and keep relationships with. What works with one side may not work with the other side.

As in-laws, we need to be very careful not to put too much pressure on new couples. We can cause them to pull back more than necessary if we live close, or we can cause strife within the marriage by being too involved.

In a perfect world, families would live close by each other, offering important support and accountability. But this is a fallen world full of fallen people. Many things are against strong married couples that are led by the husband. It is important to prayerfully evaluate your situation and do what is needed to have the ability to establish a home that's biblically ordered.