Something we've noticed as our kids have aged, is that many parents stop parenting in the teen years. They relegate themselves to loose over-seers, and as the kids reach 18, the influence the parents have is much less than it could be. Our youth pastor also realizes the importance of parents continuing to truly be involved, and parent up through all the high school years. Kids turn out better when Dad and Mom keep doing their job until their kids are grown.
As with educating your children, have the end goal of your parenting in mind. Do you want your kids to have a strong connection to family? Then make home the heart of daily life, don't have them over other people's houses regularly. It always saddens me when a family farms their kids out to other homes on a weekly basis. The unraveling of the parental influence is apparent. There should be a comfort, safety, and nurturing of family time together, consistently.
Eating dinner together, every night, is an important part of fostering the stability and security a home should bring children. The vast majority of these meals should be around the table where discussions can naturally happen. Take the time to ask questions and bounce thoughts around regarding culture, society, politics, problems...but laugh and just chat, too! Having a weekend tradition of something the family does on Friday or Saturday night is a great way to help kids ward off peer pressure and bad influences. You can include a friend or two to what the family is doing, but try to have several of these each month where it is just your core family. This way one weekend night is occupied with something important to do, which is helpful for a lot of kids, whether introverted or extroverted. It offers protection while capitalizing on needed time to rejuvenate together (like a mini-vacation).
Teaching kids to find satisfaction the family and home goes a long way to developing people who are secure, and who have their own identity. Within the home, kids are free to really become who they want to be, rather than imitate those they are around. This value has to start when children are still in elementary school. It can't be decided once they've already been allowed to go over so and so's house once or twice a week for years...then rebellion will likely set in.
Why does any of this matter? It depends. If you are looking forward to your kids growing up and doing their own thing, with you as an afterthought, it might not. If you don't really care if your kids think about the world and life like you, it might not, and I realize not everyone cares about that.
What I've been able to see, however, is what I want for my family as the years progress: grandparents who are very involved with their grandchildren, and thus, their adult children. There is a lot of time given by the grandparents to make this happen, since everyone knows younger families are busy. That said, a high value was placed on nurturing the core family relationships while the kids grew up, and then those adult children have also protected and valued that. It brings a beautiful closeness that I want to have with my grown children and their future children, Lord willing.
Often we expect from people more than what we've earned, so to speak. I mentioned this in a post a few years ago, when people rather demand a higher place in your life than they've worked for...those who pour into us will in turn receive the best of our time and attention. It is human nature. Position alone does not get us what we long for, position demands without giving, or putting in the time. I want to avoid that dynamic with my grown children.
Take time now to be close your kids, and during the teen years, when they want to pull away, draw close to them and show them how to be secure and happy with their family as the core relationship. They will value that later, and when you are older and fragile :), you'll appreciate it!
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