From pg. 44, "I have no hesitation again in asserting that the failure of the Church to have a greater impact upon the life of men and women in the world today is due entirely to the fact that her own life is not in order." D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Studies in the Sermon on the Mount.
I've recently begun to read Studies in the Sermon on the Mount, which is a book of 30 profound sermons given by what is appearing to be one of the greatest theological minds I've encountered. Granted, my husband poured over this for 6 months, and he is an incredible thinker whose spiritual giftings include wisdom and discernment. His accolades regarding Mr. Jones play in to my opinion, but on my own I'm amazed at the light he is bringing to the Sermon on the Mount. I've been a follower of Christ for nearly 20 years, and I find myself realizing I don't understand what it is all about nearly as much as I could or should. In 1959, Martyn Lloyd-Jones was saying what we are seeing even now in the churches. Somehow it is timeless.
I wish I had the ability to execute a thoughtful explanation of why this is the case after just 4 chapters, but it is really above my abilities. I just know that it is taking my breath away, and making me want to keep learning and reading. I want so much to be like Jesus...and not some idea gained from church goers that other people admire (did that one already). I'm starting to look more at the idea that the narrow gate we're to enter through is very, very narrow indeed, and that for a long time I've just been content to be better than 'so and so', so to speak.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm so far from where I'm seeing and learning holiness lies. It isn't in giving up everything and serving in some remote part of the world as many would have us believe...it isn't in working for the church as a volunteer or a paid employee...it isn't in home educating, not drinking alcohol, exercising and eating organic, shunning modern medicine or any other cause celeb floating about right now amongst certain niches. It is much more than caring for the elderly or doing a church service in a nursing home...it's more than serving others, especially those of the household of faith.It's more than submitting to my husband, giving the best of my time and energy to my children and others who need me...it is more than all of the doing my life is defined by.
There is something more to living for Christ, and more importantly, dying to myself, that I don't think I've done, and I'm seeing that in the opening words of the Sermon on the Mount. A beautiful piece that we can mistakenly gloss over while we hurriedly imitate Martha.
God help me grow more empty of myself. Help me love you more and have more faith...help me bless others with absolutely no thought of myself. Right living is sure part of it, but it has to be an outflow of personal conviction in order to please You...and while I am living how I want to and believe it is right, I know my heart is often wicked and ugly. For the first time in many years I see there is so much more to you, and it's not a change of theology like so many seem to do at this stage of the game, it's studying Your Word more and delving deep in to what it means to be a disciple of Yours that I'm seeking.
Don't you ever just want more of the Lord? Do you ever get tired of the difficult cycles you run through month in and month out--emotionally, psychologically...? I'm convinced that we are more than conquerors because of Christ in us (if we're His own), and I'm also convinced no person can advise or counsel into what I'm seeking. I've spent so much time since becoming a Christian doing things other than deep study. I've wanted friends, to be comfortable, to be organized, to have a successful home school, to have well-behaved children that love the Lord, to serve in various ministries as a family, to raise chickens, learn to make good cakes, can fresh fruits, be in shape...the list goes on.
Now I just want to be more like Christ, and sadly, some of the reasons are still selfish--because I want to ultimately have total contentment and because I believe that right thinking will be a natural outflow of drawing closer and closer to God, through Christ. Lord, help it be because I love You and only because I love you.
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