It is interesting in our culture that we parents rarely deny ourselves. The thought of whether it is a good thing (or the best thing) for our kids isn't a consideration, what is best for us is what we rule and reign with. It isn't always this way, of course, it often doesn't START that way, but it sure does come in to play, especially as our kids age.
When I say it doesn't start that way, take this example: it is easy for Mom to deny herself when her baby is young and depending on her for its nourishment. She avoids harmful foods and activities when pregnant, and that continues when she is breastfeeding. She gets up at all hours for a year, sits alone for long stretches, sometimes on a strange toilet seat, because she takes her responsibility seriously and attacks the task with self-denial. She is rewarded with a special bonding, unique lessons, breast health, and finances....but does Mom see the benefits of self-denial once the babe is older? Let that child grow and be awake during 'grown up' time, does Mom still deny herself for the better of her child? Do we learn these lessons a little at a time like we ought, or do we shut our minds to the opportunities to grow as our children grow?
Is Mom watching shows that are appropriate for a young Christian child? Is Mom going to bed at a decent hour, reading her Bible, praying, keeping the house orderly? If Mom believes too many kids today live on the computer or are poor communicators because of texting, is she willing to NOT do those things so her child grows up differently? If Mom has concerns about modesty, is she willing to curtail keeping up with the latest fashion, realizing her daughters will go farther with pushing the limits? Does she want to model the farthest point of modesty or does she want to leave some wiggle room for her girls? This issue is vast for Mom's with daughters--makeup, jewelry, gossip, complaining, shopping habits, attitude toward the husband as the head of the house...we should concern ourselves as children of the King with these things. Our kids are gifts from God used to mold us and shape us, and this is one area that can do wonders if we will choose to not ignore it.
For our sons, are we respecting their Dad when he is home AND when he isn't? Do we work to build his relationship with the kids when it's just 'us' and the kids, or do we stealthily try to have them align more with us than Dad on certain issues? Do we act like Dad should be doing what we as the Mom are called to do, particularly with the tasks needed with young children? So many Mom's are advised by liberals to split responsibilities with the man that gets up to work every day while she stays home full-time. The hours of the jobs aren't the same, that is for sure. There are differences in how a man succeeds in his career based on the support, or lack thereof, of his wife.
Moving on to Dad...what music does he play in the car? Does he dare be courageous enough to evaluate if what he is accustomed to hearing is really best for his child? Dad, are you trying to let your child 'live a little' when with you, subtly creating an appetite for worldly music thinking that connection with you and your pre-Christ lifestyle is actually helpful? What about Dad's use of his 'free' time? Is it all about him, or is he thinking of what is best for his children as the leader and example in their lives? Is he concerned with modeling the type of behavior he wants his daughters to seek out in a husband? Is he living as their future husbands will live in front of his future grandchildren? Or is he all about comfort and taking it easy once he comes in from a hard day's work? Do his sons see him as a servant leader of his home, or a disconnected father that leaves all home schooling decisions to Mom as well as most of the decisions on discipline?
Sadly, I think too often we parents justify our actions without really asking if they are best-- are they pleasing to the Lord? I think we want to be free to do whatever we want to do when we want to do it, and then we're surprised that our children act the same way. Just because it's about what they will wear or eat doesn't make the battle less serious. Our will must come under God's, just like our children's will must come under our authority. If our will isn't under God, it is our fault. If our child's will isn't under our authority, it is also our fault. And if our kids have appetites for all manner of things that are really more suited toward grown-ups, I think we need to shoulder that blame as well.
Denying ourselves is uncomfortable, it means we eat healthier than we want to because our kids are watching. It means we exercise because we want them to have a healthy lifestyle so they aren't falling apart at 40 yrs old like we are. It means not getting the latest iPod with FM radio because we know if we have it, they'll want it, and that is a lot of freedom to give a Christian child who you are trying to protect from the onslaught of smut going through the airwaves.
Our lives are not our own when we belong to Christ, and they aren't our own when we have children. If we want them to be successful, we need to be successful.
I remember for far too long sleeping in a little on the late side, expecting my kids to get up and do what they were supposed to do because they had a schedule. It was so hypocritical of me, but I did what I could to have them understand morning people are more successful in general. It wasn't until
my husbanda close friend mentioned that it isn't really reasonable for me to have been doing that, kids learn by example and if something is really important to me, then I needed to demonstrate it. Saying, "I'm not a morning person," was a cop-out; would that work with a boss?
I can't help but wonder how much of our sin is due to this fact of self-indulgence on many small levels day in and day out. If it's not sin, I wonder how many problems we deal with in our homes are the direct reflection of our personal daily choices. We can think we're winning, just like the women who pushed for oral contraception in the 70's, but we often shoot ourselves in the foot with our rebellious ways.
As we come in to spring here on the east coast, perhaps it is time we cut out things that aren't good for our kids, which will ultimately be better for us.
Striving with you--
When I say it doesn't start that way, take this example: it is easy for Mom to deny herself when her baby is young and depending on her for its nourishment. She avoids harmful foods and activities when pregnant, and that continues when she is breastfeeding. She gets up at all hours for a year, sits alone for long stretches, sometimes on a strange toilet seat, because she takes her responsibility seriously and attacks the task with self-denial. She is rewarded with a special bonding, unique lessons, breast health, and finances....but does Mom see the benefits of self-denial once the babe is older? Let that child grow and be awake during 'grown up' time, does Mom still deny herself for the better of her child? Do we learn these lessons a little at a time like we ought, or do we shut our minds to the opportunities to grow as our children grow?
Is Mom watching shows that are appropriate for a young Christian child? Is Mom going to bed at a decent hour, reading her Bible, praying, keeping the house orderly? If Mom believes too many kids today live on the computer or are poor communicators because of texting, is she willing to NOT do those things so her child grows up differently? If Mom has concerns about modesty, is she willing to curtail keeping up with the latest fashion, realizing her daughters will go farther with pushing the limits? Does she want to model the farthest point of modesty or does she want to leave some wiggle room for her girls? This issue is vast for Mom's with daughters--makeup, jewelry, gossip, complaining, shopping habits, attitude toward the husband as the head of the house...we should concern ourselves as children of the King with these things. Our kids are gifts from God used to mold us and shape us, and this is one area that can do wonders if we will choose to not ignore it.
For our sons, are we respecting their Dad when he is home AND when he isn't? Do we work to build his relationship with the kids when it's just 'us' and the kids, or do we stealthily try to have them align more with us than Dad on certain issues? Do we act like Dad should be doing what we as the Mom are called to do, particularly with the tasks needed with young children? So many Mom's are advised by liberals to split responsibilities with the man that gets up to work every day while she stays home full-time. The hours of the jobs aren't the same, that is for sure. There are differences in how a man succeeds in his career based on the support, or lack thereof, of his wife.
Moving on to Dad...what music does he play in the car? Does he dare be courageous enough to evaluate if what he is accustomed to hearing is really best for his child? Dad, are you trying to let your child 'live a little' when with you, subtly creating an appetite for worldly music thinking that connection with you and your pre-Christ lifestyle is actually helpful? What about Dad's use of his 'free' time? Is it all about him, or is he thinking of what is best for his children as the leader and example in their lives? Is he concerned with modeling the type of behavior he wants his daughters to seek out in a husband? Is he living as their future husbands will live in front of his future grandchildren? Or is he all about comfort and taking it easy once he comes in from a hard day's work? Do his sons see him as a servant leader of his home, or a disconnected father that leaves all home schooling decisions to Mom as well as most of the decisions on discipline?
Sadly, I think too often we parents justify our actions without really asking if they are best-- are they pleasing to the Lord? I think we want to be free to do whatever we want to do when we want to do it, and then we're surprised that our children act the same way. Just because it's about what they will wear or eat doesn't make the battle less serious. Our will must come under God's, just like our children's will must come under our authority. If our will isn't under God, it is our fault. If our child's will isn't under our authority, it is also our fault. And if our kids have appetites for all manner of things that are really more suited toward grown-ups, I think we need to shoulder that blame as well.
Denying ourselves is uncomfortable, it means we eat healthier than we want to because our kids are watching. It means we exercise because we want them to have a healthy lifestyle so they aren't falling apart at 40 yrs old like we are. It means not getting the latest iPod with FM radio because we know if we have it, they'll want it, and that is a lot of freedom to give a Christian child who you are trying to protect from the onslaught of smut going through the airwaves.
Our lives are not our own when we belong to Christ, and they aren't our own when we have children. If we want them to be successful, we need to be successful.
I remember for far too long sleeping in a little on the late side, expecting my kids to get up and do what they were supposed to do because they had a schedule. It was so hypocritical of me, but I did what I could to have them understand morning people are more successful in general. It wasn't until
I can't help but wonder how much of our sin is due to this fact of self-indulgence on many small levels day in and day out. If it's not sin, I wonder how many problems we deal with in our homes are the direct reflection of our personal daily choices. We can think we're winning, just like the women who pushed for oral contraception in the 70's, but we often shoot ourselves in the foot with our rebellious ways.
As we come in to spring here on the east coast, perhaps it is time we cut out things that aren't good for our kids, which will ultimately be better for us.
Striving with you--
No comments:
Post a Comment