The Day After Graduating Our Youngest

Written to my children...

Today's post isn't one that I've pondered for a while, waiting to get time to write it. Rather it is the result of what is currently going on. How to categorize the feelings and thoughts of a nearly 49 year old Christian wife and mother, who owns her own small residential cleaning business and has sold Mary Kay for 27 years, having just graduated her youngest child, and only son, is not a task this woman could have foreknown. It has been a year full of wonderful celebrations. My husband turned 50, we went away for a week to remember and enjoy that 25 years ago we pledged our lives to one another, our youngest child turned 18 and registered for the selective service, and we chose the college he'll attend. Milestones occurred with our young, professional eldest achieving a year at her work and being midway through her Master's degree. At newly 22, we're grateful for a daughter who loves us and who we love and enjoy being with. Our middle child is a steady source of pride and challenges me to think more linearly as her father does. She is reliable, dependable, and like the Lord in how she is a rock in times of trouble. I'm not a mother who lavishes false praise upon her children, these 3 people are among the absolute best I've been privileged to have the acquaintance of. As I write, the youngest and most recent high school graduate is at work a mile from home, and the middle daughter is driving the worst highway in America to settle in for a long desired summer internship she has worked hard for.

How do I feel today amidst all of this? I was asked that question last night by a friend who asks good questions at poignant intervals of life. It was a blessing to have a close knit audience with which to whisper my gradually releasing emotions to over graduating the youngest and only son, thereby closing the doors of our homeschool Academy forever. My rather extreme laryngitis has been interestingly timed, which I'll credit our good God with. Even so, too much was spoken over the course of the evening and the price is being paid today. 

Aside from the subpar state of my health, which is an inseparable mixture of physical fatigue, emotional stress, and a tenacious summer cold, I'm able to reflect a bit on this new season we're in. The silent and unprompted tears have started falling without warning throughout the morning. This is something that has only happened in my life a few times. No immediate stimulus, nothing going through my head, just quiet tears and a heart that is blessed with the answered prayers of 18 years and the heartache of the answered prayers of 18 years. Having two precious daughters to comfort me in a moment of pouring out my heart, quietly, is yet another blessing from God. Change involves pain sometimes and it doesn't mean it is the wrong thing. It is often very much the right thing which is happening. 

Releasing a child to the world of adulthood not only ends the daily coming in and knowing they are at the desk right by the front door, usually opening it for you with a friendly, "Hello Momma", but it ends the regular interactions. The few minutes each day to touch, talk, help each other, impact one other steadily...it ends. Suddenly and with plenty of warning, the happy and hard times of motherhood screech to a halt. 

There is no greater joy than to know my children walk with the Lord Almighty. The goal has been met, to raise them all in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Despite family members who disagreed with our homeschooling, or who thought we were in a religious cult because we shunned Catholicism and worldly ideas of "I trust God but I never go to a Bible preaching and teaching church.... and I refuse to obey what God clearly states because I'd rather do what I say is right rather than Him", we charted our course and stuck to it. I'm so grateful for my now living-in-glory mother-in-law. She was a pearl of great price in my life and the family member who supported our decision to homeschool from the very beginning (there was also a sweet lady from our church who was very encouraging but I forget her name). I can never relate to a bad mother-in-law. Those jokes fall flat upon my ears, as mine was a best friend, a tireless cheerleader, lover of my children, and person I could really talk to. She gave motherly advice and took the counsel of a more mature Christian who was younger than her. God allowed me to pray with her for salvation, to be assured of her future with Him. That early encouragement showed me that most mothers do not need much, they don't need a host of encouragers to succeed--they just need one person to tell them it is a good idea and they can do it. 

So here I am. The wife of a wise, godly, full-of-integrity man who not only taught our kids math, but has been the force behind our Academy for 18 years. Guiding, pushing, setting high standards, cheerleading no matter how tired he was.....he taught me to sacrifice what I wanted because it was best for our kids, to not have what was current with technology or style because our kids would push the boundaries further, to say no to what was lesser so we could say yes to what was greater. And while there are always people who give us a hard time because we don't live at church long after the service is over, God knows the hours we spend serving Him. While we can't socialize non-stop and host people in our home weekend after weekend, God knows the hours we spend praying and talking and serving in the ways He's equipped us for. While we don't talk and talk without end, we read and work and serve in our way, and God is using that in the ways He has designed us for and which is bearing the fruit we believe is pleasing to Him. It is the best we can do.

I'm so thankful I didn't get too caught up in the endless debates over which writing curriculum was best or which method of homeschooling was best...Thomas Jefferson, Classical, Traditional, Charlotte Mason...the pride some moms feed by dying on that mountain is a colossal waste of time. Feeling you have to teach your kids every last jot and tittle rather than hire subjects out because you are convinced that is holy and the other is not...just avoid those sort of thoughts and small-minded people. Do the hard work of having high standards, live holy lives, be set apart, take the criticism of the lost and those in the church, and press on toward the goal God has set before you. Nothing is as fulfilling as living for excellence in a non-distracted way. 

So while you all have graduated with the same GPA, more than 30 dual-enrollment credits, no cavities, no tattoos, pure in body--which I praise and thank God for, the greatest joy to your mother's heart is that you love the One True God and are committed to serving Him. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. 

That will get me through this next stage.

I love you all with my whole heart, and I trust my life has shown you that even when I've fallen short. No sacrifice made for your family will ever be too great, just make sure it is one that God is pleased with and isn't part of some arbitrary movement other woman are pushing. ;)

Forever your doting (and violently (?) passionate and committed) Mom