For a few days I've been thinking about how we can add to our own stress level in one particular area that I often think goes unnoticed because of the culture of the day here in America. I've proven it to myself this last year, and can't help but believe others would also benefit from cutting back on how many people they interact with regularly. It probably makes some recoil at the thought of having less people in their day to day life, but between texting, emails, Facebook, church, family, mommy groups and homeschool groups, we can find ourselves concerned with the lives of a multitude each week.
Are we designed to shoulder this much care for others?
And do we actually care, or are we so overloaded that we've learned to glide among the dynamics barely ruffled by what is going on around us. Apathy isn't a virtue of course.
People to love and be loved by are wonderful, don't get me wrong, but we really do have a purpose and a work to do if we are married with children. Barring materialism, or a husband who genuinely cannot provide for his modest family's needs, Christian mothers should be at home raising their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Only in today's culture does this mean running from activity to activity, exposing ourselves and our kids to oodles of people each week. It only takes one generation to lose the love of being a home maker or the importance and high value of a mother/wife at home, and I think we're seeing this trend right now. Instead, mom's are preoccupied with getting together with this person or that person, helping with this group or that group, running in this race or that race, having their child participate with these kids for this and those kids for that....
We accept moms who are always, or very often, frazzled, as icons to look up to if they manage to teach this, enroll their kids in that, have everyone play soccer, coach a team, serve at church etc. etc. These same type of moms can sometimes be found criticizing those who take great pleasure providing wholesome, home-cooked food for their family as a great time commitment, as if it is a waste of time. Which of these more closely models being a keeper at home?
Do we have a careful process on we choose to admire?
Through the years I've witnessed women get lifted up as those to admire by other influential women, only to find the reasons aren't what I would have expected. Naively, I thought the criteria would be something other than 'a person willing to work hard and sacrifice for us', but I probably shouldn't have. In churches and various groups, those who we or others perceive as super godly (whatever that is supposed to mean) are usually those who are serving in an area they are gifted in, but they may not be living as God would ideally want. These women are often neglecting their own family in one way or another--whether it be their house is a wreck or they don't serve their husband, yet is this the picture of a Proverbs 31 woman? We can't control all of our circumstances, and ladies in a myriad of walks of life can be used of the Lord and have things to admire, but I think we should be able to agree that there are some obvious things that give certain women more of a place of rightfully being admired. Just as the Bible has criteria for a pastor or deacon, there are things we can see that should be reason to follow someone's example (like Paul, we can follow him because he's following Christ...). Why do we blindly listen to someone who says overtly or subtly this person is wonderful, playing into the little psychological games that get played to make us want to do the same thing as said 'wonderful' person? Rather than let our insecurity dictate what we do, we should go to the Lord and earnestly seek His favor.
As my kids have gotten older, a lot of things have changed with my view of social time for me and social time for them. I know most people will say that as kids get older, they NEED more time with peers, but I have to question that. Why? Why during years of really wrestling with hard life issues do they need less time with the people 100% committed to their welfare? Why do they need less time with the mother committed to training them to run a house (for girls) now that they are mature enough to tackle serious home making tasks? Why do young men need LESS time with the man you chose to marry who you trust with not only your life, but there's? We need to realize that more time with others means less time at home with us, and the years to influence are going fast. Do we want to influence our kids the most, or do we want their friends to, and who are their friends anyway? If we teach our kids to require tons of time with other children, and tons of time outside our homes, they will 'need' more and more time outside of us as they get older. My word choice is not accidental--we teach them to be content or we allow them to be discontent in this area. I'm not suggesting we ignore the natural bent of some kids to want more time with friends, but it is sometimes those children who most need us to curb their appetite, for their own protection. Just, think, is what I'm encouraging us to all do, rather than do what everyone else is doing. Please realize I do not have an only child, and can not speak to that dynamic.
Above all of this 'mommy blog' advice, please take time to seek the Lord. Ask what it is you want for your family, and be willing to let God provide what you need as you give your kids what they really need. All of our needs change as we mature, at least they should be changing. I certainly have reordered my priorities and my felt needs have changed as my kids and I have aged.
What messages are our kids learning from those they are around? Do certain interactions with others leave them feeling or acting poorly, why? Is it something they need to grow through or something they need to be protected from? Not all negative experiences are ultimately harmful, sometimes they serve a purpose for a season as we make the best of something (that was our last yr of Classical Conversations--times to grow but not things we'd want repeated). What about you, mom? Why are you doing what you are doing? Is it bringing glory to the Lord, and what are your kids really learning about family life, marriage, God, relationships with others, priorities etc. based on what you are spending your time on each week?
I want my children to understand biblical marriage, and the high value of a full-time mom. I want them to experience the peace of a well-ordered home and the health benefits of nutritious meals offered at the same time each day. I want them to see me serve their father lovingly and sacrificially, and I am blessed they see him do the same for me. I hope for thousands of hours of happy memories of us doing things together in our home--playing games, reading, cooking...and loads of hours of working together in our home doing yard work, cleaning, doing laundry. They know they are an important part of this family unit, and we're keeping traditions that I grew up with as we clean each Saturday morning getting the house ready for a new week. They don't realize the cleaning, laundry, and dish schedules are teaching them what a well-ordered home can be like, nor do they see the years it took me to figure it out. In living a peaceful life where they are well rested and free to learn, we're building a tapestry of ideals which they'll carry in to their future homes. Life does not have to be hectic all the time, and the day to day things we all need, matter; it isn't necessary to have laundry piled up or not done consistently, and it is OK and even right to show your family you love them by dazzling them with great meals each night. There is no shame in using nearly all of your time and energy to bless the socks off the people who live with you, and giving the rest to those in the body of Christ or those you are trying to reach with the gospel. It can mean having a smaller circle, though.
God bless
Are we designed to shoulder this much care for others?
And do we actually care, or are we so overloaded that we've learned to glide among the dynamics barely ruffled by what is going on around us. Apathy isn't a virtue of course.
People to love and be loved by are wonderful, don't get me wrong, but we really do have a purpose and a work to do if we are married with children. Barring materialism, or a husband who genuinely cannot provide for his modest family's needs, Christian mothers should be at home raising their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Only in today's culture does this mean running from activity to activity, exposing ourselves and our kids to oodles of people each week. It only takes one generation to lose the love of being a home maker or the importance and high value of a mother/wife at home, and I think we're seeing this trend right now. Instead, mom's are preoccupied with getting together with this person or that person, helping with this group or that group, running in this race or that race, having their child participate with these kids for this and those kids for that....
We accept moms who are always, or very often, frazzled, as icons to look up to if they manage to teach this, enroll their kids in that, have everyone play soccer, coach a team, serve at church etc. etc. These same type of moms can sometimes be found criticizing those who take great pleasure providing wholesome, home-cooked food for their family as a great time commitment, as if it is a waste of time. Which of these more closely models being a keeper at home?
Do we have a careful process on we choose to admire?
Through the years I've witnessed women get lifted up as those to admire by other influential women, only to find the reasons aren't what I would have expected. Naively, I thought the criteria would be something other than 'a person willing to work hard and sacrifice for us', but I probably shouldn't have. In churches and various groups, those who we or others perceive as super godly (whatever that is supposed to mean) are usually those who are serving in an area they are gifted in, but they may not be living as God would ideally want. These women are often neglecting their own family in one way or another--whether it be their house is a wreck or they don't serve their husband, yet is this the picture of a Proverbs 31 woman? We can't control all of our circumstances, and ladies in a myriad of walks of life can be used of the Lord and have things to admire, but I think we should be able to agree that there are some obvious things that give certain women more of a place of rightfully being admired. Just as the Bible has criteria for a pastor or deacon, there are things we can see that should be reason to follow someone's example (like Paul, we can follow him because he's following Christ...). Why do we blindly listen to someone who says overtly or subtly this person is wonderful, playing into the little psychological games that get played to make us want to do the same thing as said 'wonderful' person? Rather than let our insecurity dictate what we do, we should go to the Lord and earnestly seek His favor.
As my kids have gotten older, a lot of things have changed with my view of social time for me and social time for them. I know most people will say that as kids get older, they NEED more time with peers, but I have to question that. Why? Why during years of really wrestling with hard life issues do they need less time with the people 100% committed to their welfare? Why do they need less time with the mother committed to training them to run a house (for girls) now that they are mature enough to tackle serious home making tasks? Why do young men need LESS time with the man you chose to marry who you trust with not only your life, but there's? We need to realize that more time with others means less time at home with us, and the years to influence are going fast. Do we want to influence our kids the most, or do we want their friends to, and who are their friends anyway? If we teach our kids to require tons of time with other children, and tons of time outside our homes, they will 'need' more and more time outside of us as they get older. My word choice is not accidental--we teach them to be content or we allow them to be discontent in this area. I'm not suggesting we ignore the natural bent of some kids to want more time with friends, but it is sometimes those children who most need us to curb their appetite, for their own protection. Just, think, is what I'm encouraging us to all do, rather than do what everyone else is doing. Please realize I do not have an only child, and can not speak to that dynamic.
Above all of this 'mommy blog' advice, please take time to seek the Lord. Ask what it is you want for your family, and be willing to let God provide what you need as you give your kids what they really need. All of our needs change as we mature, at least they should be changing. I certainly have reordered my priorities and my felt needs have changed as my kids and I have aged.
What messages are our kids learning from those they are around? Do certain interactions with others leave them feeling or acting poorly, why? Is it something they need to grow through or something they need to be protected from? Not all negative experiences are ultimately harmful, sometimes they serve a purpose for a season as we make the best of something (that was our last yr of Classical Conversations--times to grow but not things we'd want repeated). What about you, mom? Why are you doing what you are doing? Is it bringing glory to the Lord, and what are your kids really learning about family life, marriage, God, relationships with others, priorities etc. based on what you are spending your time on each week?
I want my children to understand biblical marriage, and the high value of a full-time mom. I want them to experience the peace of a well-ordered home and the health benefits of nutritious meals offered at the same time each day. I want them to see me serve their father lovingly and sacrificially, and I am blessed they see him do the same for me. I hope for thousands of hours of happy memories of us doing things together in our home--playing games, reading, cooking...and loads of hours of working together in our home doing yard work, cleaning, doing laundry. They know they are an important part of this family unit, and we're keeping traditions that I grew up with as we clean each Saturday morning getting the house ready for a new week. They don't realize the cleaning, laundry, and dish schedules are teaching them what a well-ordered home can be like, nor do they see the years it took me to figure it out. In living a peaceful life where they are well rested and free to learn, we're building a tapestry of ideals which they'll carry in to their future homes. Life does not have to be hectic all the time, and the day to day things we all need, matter; it isn't necessary to have laundry piled up or not done consistently, and it is OK and even right to show your family you love them by dazzling them with great meals each night. There is no shame in using nearly all of your time and energy to bless the socks off the people who live with you, and giving the rest to those in the body of Christ or those you are trying to reach with the gospel. It can mean having a smaller circle, though.
God bless
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