As a sidebar, this dynamic is one to understand early on with child rearing. Child A observes life and learns from the errors of others as well as from himself. He can apply a lesson from this week to a lesson that comes many months later. Child B learns everything the hard way, despite having great explanations given that could keep him from such a lot in life. Each day is a new day with a fresh lesson, whether the lesson was technically learned the day prior ;). This response to input and training seems rather hard-wired in.
So fast forward, and one day Child B is "Adult B". (of course Child A is "Adult A" but has this easier, so who cares?!)
The thing is, B'ers, do not despair if you are an adult still learning lessons that your spouse and offspring have learned. The important realization is that you are learning and growing. Sure, we would all love to be better than we are at avoiding pitfalls; but everyone has their own struggles, and we just need to press on! Knowing this should cause us to be more patient and gracious with others. Their pitfall isn't ours, and vise versa.
That said, here are a few truths to ponder, be they what they are.
1. First impressions aren't really just 'initial' impressions. As people get to know us over a period of weeks or months, they might see a side of us that turns them off for the long haul. Even if apologies are needed or given, we have been cast in a negative light that won't be unseen or unchanged. On the flip side, maybe there were no apologies needed, but we have seen something we're unimpressed with and aren't looking for a repeat of from someone else. Own it and move on, doing better next time and making sure your actions are more polite, or genuine, or guarded, or kind (whatever) in the future. Trust God to bring you the relationships you need, and that He wants, as you seek Him.
2. One day you will regret being rude to others on the phone who are doing a less than stellar job helping you with your customer service issue. Be patient and realize even if you are 100% right and they are 100% moronic, whoever acts like a jerk is the loser and others see that. Practice in private so in public you don't make a bigger scene. {-{
3. So the coupon wasn't accepted. Yes, you are stressed about finances and have painstakingly counted the cost of the 200 items in your cart, and the genius at the cash register isn't working hard enough to help you. Relax, this too shall pass.... and even HERE, love covers a multitude of sins. Better to win personality points than a savings of $1.00. Let it go and just go home without bursting a blood vessel. Trust me, you will wish you had learned this long before your children could remember it. ;-/
4. If you were person A, I wouldn't have to point this out, but similar to number 3---discount points for being a member at a food establishment fall into this category. Please refrain from lecturing the cashier when things aren't working as they should. I'm not sure that anyone cares about your Gold Status as much as you, and your status with your friends isn't going to be elevated after what is unfolding before their eyes. Perhaps being thankful when it all works as it should is the better approach, rather than expecting or demanding what's coming to you per the finely detailed paperwork only you have studied regarding the aforementioned Gold Status? I refer to point 1....sometimes as we get to be known (or we get to know), we are turned off along the way irrevocably. Doesn't mean you aren't nice or polite going forward, but it might mean you don't want to be Pickleball partners after all. ;/
5. There is an HVAC repairman that comes to your restaurant, and he does a great job, but he left mud behind on the entry rug. Person A sees it and decides it isn't a big deal, praises the work that was done and goes about their day. Person B sees it and very nicely decides to point it out as the repairman leaves, or kindly puts that feedback on the website or mentions it on a call...whatever. The point is, person 2 chose to say something about it, though bear in mind, they also praised the repairman's work. We can agree these folks handled the situation differently; was one wrong and the other right? Is that really the question to ask, or is it better to ask which person's restaurant would you prefer to be the HVAC repairman for? Or the cashier for? Or the help desk worker for?
Think of it this way:
If there are 20 restaurants in town that this muddy footed HVAC guy serviced that day, and only 1 mentioned the mud, does that stand out to you or is it moot? If Adult A decides to overlook it, and Adult B doesn't, that is OK, but Adult B should be able to recognize there are ramifications to being "honest" and just trying to get the best service possible/right the wrong/ get what is coming to them.... If it is important enough to be nitpicky with someone, be adult enough to deal with the consequences.
In closing, I'm not saying it is never time to speak up about something that isn't as it should or whatever. Sometimes we can earn big points that might help us do a special something...and we really want to get it worked out. Sometimes though that can dampen the situation at hand and it is better overall to let it go. It is hard for those with a strong sense of justice or attention to certain types of detail, but we need to be thoughtful.
Far too often I was on the wrong side of this equation, and God graciously allowed me, time and again, to be the recipient of some Person B's out there. What a gift! I finally saw what I just couldn't see before: how I was making other people feel, and I thoroughly disliked it. Thorougly.
I hope this little post helps you either see your own tendencies toward B-dom, or helps you see this trait in your children so that you can help them learn to "overlook a wrong done them." It is a more lovely way to live and a more lovely trait to encounter.
May God have mercy on me, a sinner saved only by the blood of Jesus Christ. Amen.
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