Recently I wrote a post geared more toward wives and how they can be a blessing to their husbands, but tonight it has been on my mind to write a few words to husbands who wish their wives were more fun, or more fun-loving. If you seldom laugh with your spouse, or aren't really friends who enjoy days alone together, read on.
How often do we come to be dissatisfied with a creature of our own creation? A financially prudent husband could, after many years of marriage, find his free-spirit wife to be a bit, dis-spirited. The whimsy of their youthful days and her dreaming are long gone......he recalls it and how full of energy she was, yet fails to realise he has squelched any dreamy-ness by seldom, if ever, giving her the chance to be 'free'. Has his practical side won out time and again to the point she doesn't even bother trying to ask about that puppy, or flower garden or playset for the grandkids? Perhaps her life would be more joyful if she had been allowed to have some hobbies at home.
Wives can also be taxed by free-spirited husbands who saddle them with the job of picking up the financial pieces as they wheel and deal how they wish, often spending money needed for serious things. This scenario is tough on wives. The husband expects her unfailing enthusiasm and support as he neglects her gift of financial savvy, then leaves her worried about how the bills will get paid. He irresponsibly prattles about while she laments and robs Peter to pay Paul.
Marriage is meant to allow us the chance to give in to one another when reasonable. We grow when things aren't always our way!
--Do we have to love every idea from our spouse?
--If your spouse doesn't like to be with you that much, why is that? Are you more fun with others, and if so, why? Do you do something rather often they can't take much of?
--Are you selfish and unbending? Have you asked your seemingly unhappy spouse if there is something really fun they'd enjoy doing or having, and then helping make it a reality?
--Think of things that drive you just about other people and ask God, or your spouse, if you demonstrate that same tendency. Often we are great at diagnosing our problem, but we mask it by being critical of someone else.
Don't be afraid to hash these things out. Fresh starts are always available if we are willing to humble ourselves. God's mercies are new very morning! It takes intentional work to be close as the kids move out. Start before they are gone! Watching my sister do this made a big difference. She worked hard to enjoy time with just her husband when the kids were young teens and that has carried into truly relishing time together now that it is just the two of them.
If you failed to plan for the empty nest, then dig in now and date your spouse. Pay attention to what they like and want. Learn to cook together, get a little vacation cottage, join a gym together (and go together weekly), plant a garden....if you want to be interesting, then become interesting! I knew a lady many years ago who purposed to read about what her husband was interested in so he would continue to find her attractive as the years went along. This runs both directions.
To have a friend, you need to BE a friend. Start with who you sleep with.
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