Conflict with the Lost

If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all people. Romans 12:18

It is no secret that It is challenging to live at peace with all people, particularly people who have not experienced forgiveness from God. The beginning words, "If possible", come in to play. Those outside of Christ do not know how to forgive others, so resolving conflict with them is often very difficult, particularly if they have a besetting sin which controls their life. The best we can hope for is some measure of compromise that allows the relationship to continue. As believers, we must remember that we can't expect something from people that they are unable to deliver. Due to this, sometimes living up to this Bible truth requires that we make adjustments so we do not continually rub up against those we want to be at peace with. This is difficult if we regularly see someone who falls into this category. (This is also one reason many Christians should not be on Facebook.)

Thankfully, God has given His children many truths to help us go through this life with as much peace as possible. It isn't always easy, and it can even prove fruitless, but we must strive and leave it in God's hands. The wicked are crafty and will often stoop quite low to bring discord and strife. 

"Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves." Matthew 10:16

God tells us to forgive those who wrong us, whether they repent or not, and to seek to do good to them. Forgiving is to not hold their ill behavior against them--to let them off of our hook and leave them on God's. Afterall, He is Sovereign, sees the truth, and promises to not let the righteous be destroyed by evil. Seeking to do good to those who hurt us, especially if they continue to do something they've done for years and years, requires seeing them as God sees them: under the influence of the Devil with needs that only God can fill. With God, we can find ways to be a blessing, and as we mature, others will not even know who we really like and who we don't really like. This is something I've seen others do and it has really inspired me!

But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you. Matthew 5:44

I've sat in Bible studies where many ladies knew what it was like to be treated poorly, with no recognition from the offending party, year after year. Many knew what it was to be mischaracterized, or the recipients of unfair expectations. Real pain comes when people continually see us in a wrong light and act in selfish ways. Wounded people who are lost can cause a believer a lot of heartache. What are we to do?

These things I have spoken to you so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world. John 16:33

Christian, we are to represent Christ as best we can, all the time. We don't have to like everyone and we don't have to befriend everyone. We do need to be respectful toward all people and serve others as best we can. We won't be called to reach every person we know or are related to, and that is OK. Sometimes the best thing we can do is step back and focus on prayer. This is especially true when the things we normally do to encourage others is met with hostility or offends them! I recall sending a new mom Bible verses that encouraged me during my early years of parenting, and the person seemed insulted. She is someone who wants to be seen as knowing all, and felt I was insinuating she needed help. Well, I needed help as a new Mom...but those who are insecure and prideful, they think it is a problem to need help. (not to say I don't have my own issues with pride...)

“Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces." Matthew 7:6

This brings me to my closing thoughts: the unsaved who are convinced they are victims. These people have it harder, have overcome more, and want to be seen dually:  as being better than those around them, and as having worked harder than others to get where they are. They will act like the life they've CHOSEN is a burden cast upon them (but didn't they choose to have those children; didn't they choose that career; didn't they choose that husband?). When they are feeling strong, they are condescending and praise themselves. When they are sad, they say things to evoke sympathy. This narrative is one that gets replayed over and over, and when someone denies them what they feel they have coming to them (often based on strings being attached when they did things for others in the past), be watchful. Passive aggressive behavior, putting others in uncomfortable positions, manipulation, character assassination, and more condescension set in. A person locked into this mindset will be at odds with others more and more as time goes on, and they will use any number of tactics to make sure they come out looking like a martyr or better than others. If they are frustrated overall still, they'll be passive aggressive and continue to let relationships suffer. It is very sad, but it is also something for the believer to be very shrewd with, remembering the lost CANNOT really forgive others--some can move on to a degree, but some hold grudges unbelievably. 

Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” 1 Cor 15:33

At some point a person may exhibit such wickedness that we simply must stop witnessing to them. What used to work in the relationship is met with attacks, and you can tell a brick wall has been put up. It may be time to stop trying and just keep praying. There are those who are receptive, or at least polite toward Christian truths, then those who are dismissive but not ugly about it. When this changes, however, and a person is displaying anger, mischaracterizations of your character and the like, it may be time move on. Sometimes you may be able to tell you are dealing with a serious spiritual battle. Likewise, if you can tell you are not able to keep yourself sounding kind, move on. There are those we are vulnerable with who are our friends, and those we witness to in order to try to save them from eternal damnation. Know the difference~Christians should not be bound with unbelievers. Our confidents should serve the same God, and we know from Scripture people are either on God's side or Satan's. There is no middle ground. 

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Eph 6:12