It doesn't take much for me to get in to a near panic about my kids' workloads. If there are tears and unhappiness, I want to take the foot off the gas. Immediately.
In talking with my oldest and cherished friend today, she reminded me of truths that helped calm me down. So often friends want to take our side, which can mean not taking our husband's side, because they want to make us feel better. Emotion rules the situation, and we gals like to stick together. Sometimes though, we need to be reminded that our husbands are there to guide us and our family. A caring friend hears what we're saying and while listening, determines the real need, and then lovingly and directly says what we need to be told. Today my friend's calming words allowed me to hear from God and remember that work is crucial for young adults.
I knew it when the kids were very young and playing was their 'work'.
I knew it when they were under 10 and needed to be trained in helpful tasks around the house.
I've known it regarding high school graduates who struggle with not sleeping, anxiety, and depression who coincidentally aren't working full time nor are they attending college full time.
The Bible tells us idle hands are the devil's workshop...and I've always realized that regarding adult women. Too much free time ultimately brings misery.
Where I've struggled to understand the importance for work is with kids in high school. I've known this age was my weak spot in general. The young years of disciplining, educating, guiding and training came much easier to me. The reality of high school is that it is a critical time of pushing ahead and staying busy as the hormones rage and thoughts about family, life and God solidify. Too much peer time is hindering and brings a lot of unnecessary drama. Too little work breeds a host of problems from incessant circular self-absorbed thinking to gossip to depression and rebellion.
Teens need to work-- hard and often-- whether it be through sports, a job, or academic challenges that keep them occupied much of the time.
Parents need the foresight of how the years go as they raise their kids. If you want family to be the center throughout middle and high school, start with traditions when the kids are young and everyone looks forward to. Things like a Friday Night Dessert or Friday Night Pizza Night or a Game Night...with just the family, form ties that bind.
Starting Saturdays with getting the whole house cleaned together and the yard work done ties binds as well. Everyone is working together for a common goal. By the time the afternoon rolls around, many kids will want to spend time with their siblings relaxing and reconnecting since the week has been busy and probably prevented them from doing fun things together. For only children, it could be that you have another special tradition like eating out on a Saturday night with perhaps one or two Saturdays being where a friend could come.
I urge parents to guard against fulfilling a child's strong desire to be with friends often, however. Just like in public school where friends become the peer group, this can happen with homeschoolers easily, and not all groups of peers are upholding your family values. As with any desire we feed and feed, it grows and grows and gets to where we simply aren't satisfied.
Too many friends can cause us all to become so outwardly focused we miss what God has put right in front of us to 'tend and keep'. We moms need to be the example to our children on being content and satisfied with a life that isn't continually on the go or requiring stimulation of other people. It is a lesson harder for extroverts, but the reality is that none of us can or should get what we want all the time or even 'too often'.
I hope this helps someone reading to make wise decisions early on with your children and how you shape their use of time and prioritization of it.
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