Difficulty-

I know Christian women often struggle with how to proceed if their husband is abusive toward them. Trying meekness and mildness, they hope he will respond as he ought, especially if they think he is a Christian. But the sad truth is, sometimes a person is determined to sin against another, and no matter how unselfish or godly they are treated, they continue to pound away at the very person they are supposed to treat with love and gentleness.

I'm very hesitant to encourage just any Christian woman to be bold and tell her husband she's had enough and his treatment of her must stop, because some women really have not tried the gentle path first. But you know your situation and how you've acted, and if you have tried to be supportive and gentle to the best of your ability and he is still a domineering tyrant who lacks self-control over his emotions, putting you and your children in despicable situations, you have to stand firm and tell him he must stop treating you as he is. Do not waver in telling him you are finished with the situation and he must change or get help, every time he starts laying in to you. Don't stand there and take it, tell him to stop talking to you like that. If you are persistent, he will either change, go get help with you, or leave.

If you find yourself separated, get a lawyer asap to avoid missteps. I know for a fact from a friend in my state that this is very important. You can get a spouse to sign a paper you write up giving you custody and financial support and that can help. She did this before they met with lawyers because even though he'd cheated on her, he was remorseful for a short time and in that time, she got him to sign off on some things. Pretty much everyone goes through certain stages of emotions when a marriage is ending, and during the early remorse, before the anger, you can often take steps to get custody. Better yet, if you do make it clear YOU are done being talked to abusively and it's not changing, talk to a lawyer privately before you leave your spouse or say you want a separation so you can get advice on how to proceed so you have a better chance at custody. I would think anyone 18 or over in your house could offer helpful testimony in a court of law.

Some people will treat us as badly as WE allow. They certainly don't treat others that way,  so you know they CAN control themselves if they want to. People with domineering personalities often have very little respect for those they can control and run around, so if you start standing firm in how you will let them talk to you, they will curb their behavior or get frustrated and leave.

You are a child of God, and if this is what is needed for to last another day in your marriage, do it. Don't just walk away without a fight, which means, making it crystal clear that you have value and will not be treated like a dog. You are no one's property but God's. Bear in mind it's not fair to the person with whom you are married to not openly communicate you are at the breaking point and will no longer tolerate being mistreated.

In the end, if a marriage is going to be over, it's better for the other person to do the leaving. But if you must leave, at least make sure you give the other person the truth about how you are fed up and can't take it anymore so they have a chance to change. For a sin cycle to stop, SOMEONE has to change direction. Let it be you.

After reading all this, only you know where you are and how much you and the kids can keep taking. It may be you've made it clear he needs to stop talking to you as he has been and it's not changing, so you are beyond the scope of much of this note.

With love,