The Day After Graduating Our Youngest

Written to my children...

Today's post isn't one that I've pondered for a while, waiting to get time to write it. Rather it is the result of what is currently going on. How to categorize the feelings and thoughts of a nearly 49 year old Christian wife and mother, who owns her own small residential cleaning business and has sold Mary Kay for 27 years, having just graduated her youngest child, and only son, is not a task this woman could have foreknown. It has been a year full of wonderful celebrations. My husband turned 50, we went away for a week to remember and enjoy that 25 years ago we pledged our lives to one another, our youngest child turned 18 and registered for the selective service, and we chose the college he'll attend. Milestones occurred with our young, professional eldest achieving a year at her work and being midway through her Master's degree. At newly 22, we're grateful for a daughter who loves us and who we love and enjoy being with. Our middle child is a steady source of pride and challenges me to think more linearly as her father does. She is reliable, dependable, and like the Lord in how she is a rock in times of trouble. I'm not a mother who lavishes false praise upon her children, these 3 people are among the absolute best I've been privileged to have the acquaintance of. As I write, the youngest and most recent high school graduate is at work a mile from home, and the middle daughter is driving the worst highway in America to settle in for a long desired summer internship she has worked hard for.

How do I feel today amidst all of this? I was asked that question last night by a friend who asks good questions at poignant intervals of life. It was a blessing to have a close knit audience with which to whisper my gradually releasing emotions to over graduating the youngest and only son, thereby closing the doors of our homeschool Academy forever. My rather extreme laryngitis has been interestingly timed, which I'll credit our good God with. Even so, too much was spoken over the course of the evening and the price is being paid today. 

Aside from the subpar state of my health, which is an inseparable mixture of physical fatigue, emotional stress, and a tenacious summer cold, I'm able to reflect a bit on this new season we're in. The silent and unprompted tears have started falling without warning throughout the morning. This is something that has only happened in my life a few times. No immediate stimulus, nothing going through my head, just quiet tears and a heart that is blessed with the answered prayers of 18 years and the heartache of the answered prayers of 18 years. Having two precious daughters to comfort me in a moment of pouring out my heart, quietly, is yet another blessing from God. Change involves pain sometimes and it doesn't mean it is the wrong thing. It is often very much the right thing which is happening. 

Releasing a child to the world of adulthood not only ends the daily coming in and knowing they are at the desk right by the front door, usually opening it for you with a friendly, "Hello Momma", but it ends the regular interactions. The few minutes each day to touch, talk, help each other, impact one other steadily...it ends. Suddenly and with plenty of warning, the happy and hard times of motherhood screech to a halt. 

There is no greater joy than to know my children walk with the Lord Almighty. The goal has been met, to raise them all in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Despite family members who disagreed with our homeschooling, or who thought we were in a religious cult because we shunned Catholicism and worldly ideas of "I trust God but I never go to a Bible preaching and teaching church.... and I refuse to obey what God clearly states because I'd rather do what I say is right rather than Him", we charted our course and stuck to it. I'm so grateful for my now living-in-glory mother-in-law. She was a pearl of great price in my life and the family member who supported our decision to homeschool from the very beginning (there was also a sweet lady from our church who was very encouraging but I forget her name). I can never relate to a bad mother-in-law. Those jokes fall flat upon my ears, as mine was a best friend, a tireless cheerleader, lover of my children, and person I could really talk to. She gave motherly advice and took the counsel of a more mature Christian who was younger than her. God allowed me to pray with her for salvation, to be assured of her future with Him. That early encouragement showed me that most mothers do not need much, they don't need a host of encouragers to succeed--they just need one person to tell them it is a good idea and they can do it. 

So here I am. The wife of a wise, godly, full-of-integrity man who not only taught our kids math, but has been the force behind our Academy for 18 years. Guiding, pushing, setting high standards, cheerleading no matter how tired he was.....he taught me to sacrifice what I wanted because it was best for our kids, to not have what was current with technology or style because our kids would push the boundaries further, to say no to what was lesser so we could say yes to what was greater. And while there are always people who give us a hard time because we don't live at church long after the service is over, God knows the hours we spend serving Him. While we can't socialize non-stop and host people in our home weekend after weekend, God knows the hours we spend praying and talking and serving in the ways He's equipped us for. While we don't talk and talk without end, we read and work and serve in our way, and God is using that in the ways He has designed us for and which is bearing the fruit we believe is pleasing to Him. It is the best we can do.

I'm so thankful I didn't get too caught up in the endless debates over which writing curriculum was best or which method of homeschooling was best...Thomas Jefferson, Classical, Traditional, Charlotte Mason...the pride some moms feed by dying on that mountain is a colossal waste of time. Feeling you have to teach your kids every last jot and tittle rather than hire subjects out because you are convinced that is holy and the other is not...just avoid those sort of thoughts and small-minded people. Do the hard work of having high standards, live holy lives, be set apart, take the criticism of the lost and those in the church, and press on toward the goal God has set before you. Nothing is as fulfilling as living for excellence in a non-distracted way. 

So while you all have graduated with the same GPA, more than 30 dual-enrollment credits, no cavities, no tattoos, pure in body--which I praise and thank God for, the greatest joy to your mother's heart is that you love the One True God and are committed to serving Him. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. 

That will get me through this next stage.

I love you all with my whole heart, and I trust my life has shown you that even when I've fallen short. No sacrifice made for your family will ever be too great, just make sure it is one that God is pleased with and isn't part of some arbitrary movement other woman are pushing. ;)

Forever your doting (and violently (?) passionate and committed) Mom

Idolatry 2023

https://www.compellingtruth.org/graven-image.html

Our pagan culture does not speak of idolatry often. Idolatry in the lives of those who openly live in opposition to God is not what concerns me. They will face judgment, which is sad. What burdens this writer are the masses who think they are worshipping the one true God in spirit and truth but are violating what is clearly written. We are only to worship God the Father, Jesus His Son and His Holy Spirit. No one else deserves or should receive it- to do so is blasphemy and idolatrous. Reverence to statues in a so-called church is also idolatry. 

Teaching children to venerate statues is condemning them to a false belief system that will be pointing in the wrong direction for eternity. It's a serious matter.  Thou shalt have no other gods before me is the 1st commandment, and the Me spoken of is God the Father. There is no other name under heaven by which we must be saved other than the name of Jesus Christ. To esteem anyone other than the triune Godhead as worthy of worship or veneration is violating the 1st commandment. The 2nd commandment from God is violated when we make statues that we show acts of worship to or revere in some way. Idols in our hearts are a problem as well; nothing should come before God the Father. No small worship of lessers is ok. It's hard to fathom that people still pray in front of statues, place flowers at their feet, or put crowns on their heads when we've had God's 10 Commandments for a very very long time. 

Being Distracted Isn't a Valid Excuse

Parents can get busy paying attention to things or people, other than their children, in social settings. This allows for serious gaps in their children's training. For one thing, young children learn to 'work the system' early on. They figure out if mom is too busy to make sure they eat enough at mealtime, and they stumble upon a snack while she is busy, she'll often say YES! So said child plays that card whenever they can. Children left in the care of other children are not as protected as children in the care of their own mother. I think of serious scenarios with this, but also things that help shape how our children eat (which lays quite a foundation for other things in life).

Distracted moms are happy to let others watch their children, forgetting that hours each week in the care of others isn't the optimal manner to effectively train. At the park the distracted mom is fine when her child runs off with other kids as long as they are having fun. At a party the same scenario can occur....when over people's houses. We must be vigilant and realize that even when we are always right there things are said and done that we wouldn't approve of. How much more when we let our kids run amuck week in and week out, out of our sight? No one protects, trains or cares for our own children like a mother. There should be very few settings where a mom feels like she is "off" and her child can be out of her sight. 

An additional problem with being a distracted parent is directly related to training children in good eating habits. Just because a child isn't naturally a voracious eater, that does not mean they can't be trained to have better habits. Just like with education, all children have different strengths. Being weak in math doesn't mean you get to skip speed drills. If anything it means you get more. Same with being a poor eater. Clearly a child like that requires strict discipline from the parents to monitor the eating and developing of good habits. Drinks that contain sugar and sugary snacks are the opposite of creating good habits. Normal mealtime foods are not sweet, so children who are given sugar at young ages and are not natural big eaters are going to be less inclined toward those foods, aided by their parent helping them prefer sugary foods.

Children shouldn't be allowed to decide what they eat and when. Mealtimes matter: breakfast at the table, lunch at the table, dinner at the table. Snacks should be fruits, vegetables and healthy proteins like cheese cubes or beans-not carbohydrates or other sugar-based foods. This healthful snacking aids the child coming to meals ready to eat. Hunger is the best "sauce" it has been said. How often distracted moms allow their children to eat snacks at 3 or 4 pm, and then wonder why the child doesn't sit still and eat at dinner time. Hunger is not the enemy, it is the normal response to getting ready to eat again. When children snack throughout the day and fail to eat good meals, they are often incorrectly labeled as poor eaters, when they have in effect been trained to be poor eaters. If 3 meals a day are consumed, starting no later than 8 am with breakfast and lunch around noon, there can be a very small midmorning snack and milk to drink. Water the rest of the morning. If a healthy big lunch is eaten, perhaps a light snack around 2 pm, but no lemonade or chocolate milk or sugar-laden treats...something like an apple with a little protein but not a ton. You want the child hungry and ready to sit still at the dinner table (assuming dinner around 5 or 5:30 pm). 

Young children need a tremendous amount of sleep. Getting to bed between 7 and 8 pm ensures they get all the sleep they require and can still start the day no later than 8 am, which develops good habits for life. 

A Great Leader vs. A Good One

 

There is a tremendous amount that could be said and a tremendous amount that has been said about what makes an excellent leader. There is actually a sermon series linked to on this blog entitled "Leaders Worth Following" by Pastor Darrin Wright, a leader who is very much worth following. 

Sometimes we find ourselves in a position to follow leaders who aren't exactly worth following, but it is our duty to do so. Sometimes we find ourselves in a position to follow a leader that isn't great, and maybe isn't even that good, and how we follow will speak of our character. 

If we are leaders, we should take a look and see if we like dealing with people like ourselves. As with answered prayer, we can mistake something as an indication we are doing a good job, when the reality is, we might not be doing a good job and that little litmus test we've used was faulty. God may answer our prayer, but it doesn't mean we have no sin or are 100% fine in all other areas. Likewise, people may follow us, but that doesn't mean we're excellent leaders. Just as everyone can't win in a competition, every leader isn't a great leader. 

This brings me to the point of this evening's post. A simple characteristic that differentiates a great leader from one who is merely good, is this: punctuality. 

Every full-time homemaker is managing her home, but each is not equal in the quality of her management. Every boss is doing something, but if he is not able to manage time well, start and end meetings on time, show up on time...he isn't a great leader. He isn't able to be counted on to show he values the time of others. He may have many great qualities as a boss, but in my book, he would not be a great leader if he can't tackle the simple task of being. on. time. 

Parents are setting their kids up for greater success if they will teach their children to value the time of others, be dependable, and be efficient spenders of their own time by showing them how it is done. Don't be late. Ever. Leave a cushion of time before you have to leave the house. Stop doing whatever you are doing before it is time to go sooner than you'd like, and don't always be rushing. Realize how long it takes to do all the things if nothing goes wrong, and add in 10 minutes. Arrive early so you aren't always harried. Every mother has a million things to do. Everyone is busy, but everyone is not late. It is a solvable dynamic. Solve it. Demonstrate excellence. Demonstrate putting others before yourself and be able to be counted on to show up, start on time, and end on time. This makes all the difference in homeschools that are able to start the school year on time, end on time, and have happy, well-rested children and moms.

The reality is, if a man can't manage his own family well (including being on time), why would we then rely on him to manage much bigger things that have to be on time? That would be stupid. Be faithful in the small things and then you have proven you can be faithful in the bigger things. Manage your personal finances well and then consider helping others manage theirs. Have your anger under control and then help others manage theirs. It is a known reality that if a person can't be faithful in something small, they probably won't be faithful in a similar arena on a grander scale.

If we want to be great leaders, we can start by being on time and managing our little domains effectively. The dividends will be better, and we will be on the path to being excellent leaders, not just good ones with some great qualities (or merely good ones with some good qualities).

There is no way to know how many relationships or job opportunities fall away because we are not people who run on time. It gets wearisome for people to deal with continual unreliability. Everyone is very busy and everyone else's time is valuable. We need to show we value the time of others and not waste their time by being late ourselves. We can and should do better if want to be great leaders. 

Building a Car and Home Library for Your Kids

Being in the car is a great time to impart truth and information. Here are a few ideas that we enjoyed with our kids. Buying used is fantastic if you can. At this point I wish we could have held on to all of this stuff, but I've always sold what we're finished with to fund what is coming next. 

These items are also great if you do a quiet time for your kids who are finished with naps, or if you set up 'stations' as part of keeping an ordered, well-planned day for your children. A story listening time/station is a fun thing to add to the mix!

Check homeschool groups and websites for deals, and if your area has an annual Convention, that is a terrific place to look for used materials. In Virginia we have the Home Educators Association of Virginia and the annual Convention is very encouraging and full of resources.

Birthdays and Christmas are good opportunities to get the library built up! Who needs more toys?!

Cedarmont Kids Bible CDs (we had some DVDs as well)

Lyrical Life Science CDs (mom should listen to see if all is age appropriate, though listening to things above one's level is good--just want to watch for introducing content before it is time)

The Singing Bible  (We still enjoy this today, it is a beloved family fav! Just one or 2 songs we opted to skip due to musical style or if it was scary to very young kids.)

Jonathan Park (adventure, Creation, very enjoyable)

Jim Weiss (so many quality stories to listen to--this is a terrific way to boost your child's vocabulary)

Moody Science DVDs (If you want to treat your child to screen time, there are few things better than these! Give them an appetite for truth and learning early on and it will reap dividends their whole life.) Solid creation viewpoint

Buddy Davis' Amazing Adventures solid creation viewpoint, from Answers in Genesis

Mystery of History This is a history curriculum that we used for several years. The books are good to work through with multiple ages. The CDs are helpful for just packing in more information and reading through the material for you. It is a good way for mom and the kids to learn. Solid creation viewpoint.

When my kids were very young we enjoyed being in Classical Conversations. The group changed through the years to be less of what we wanted, so we went a different direction. We are Bible believing Christians who attend a Baptist church because we believe it aligns most closely with Scripture. There are other good Protestant churches out there, but we're members of a Baptist church and have been for over 25 years. That said, I'm a fan of memory work for elementary-aged students and if you can get an old guide and the CDs that go with the same edition, it is a good way to do memory work. You can Google it and lots of materials show up on ebay. I owned the first 3 editions of the Foundations guide I think. The CDs are enjoyable and we had fun doing hand motions and singing along. There are 3 cycles that CC goes through. The CDs should be no more than $25, far less used. 

I have a friend who prefers Claritas for memory work, after also having done CC. I've never used it but have seen it, so I am comfortable recommending it based on these things. Whatever you do, find memory work that you will use, and then use it! :)

A timeline that starts with Creation and goes to the modern day is great. We used Veritas Press for this since that is what CC used at the time. Then CC made their own timeline. I'm not sure what all is out there now...just realize this, there are many good resources available. Some may be better than others, but do not spend too much time splitting those hairs. Your students will get a far better education if you just pick something and DO IT. Who really cares if you stumble upon a more thorough timeline a couple of years after you've chosen one and started teaching it? Unless it is earth-shatteringly better, just stay the course. And that is my suggestion for all subjects. Love your kids, pick quality, DO IT DAILY, and stay the course. You will finish well ahead of your peers if you can just do that.

Creating an Appetite for Excellence

Often as parents we don't think about how to instill an appetite for excellence in our children. But we can start at any time! Each day is a fresh opportunity to do better than its predecessor! 

With meals, we feed children processed foods,  fast food, and whatever salty and sugary snacks are out there. We give them sugary tea,  lemonade, soda or juices, and they develop an appetite for that type of drink. Conversely if we feed them fresh fruits and vegetables, whole wheat bread, milk and water they will learn to appreciate the actual flavor of healthy whole foods. 

On the entertainment front,  we let them watch mindless cartoons instead of educational videos. We keep them occupied with our phones or tablets. Instead of teaching them to listen to books or read them, we keep the TV on. Car rides involve movies, even short across town jaunts. When we do this, we're teaching their minds to crave mind numbing, rather than mind developing, input. Conversely,  we can instill a love of reading by reading to our children and having them listen to books on tape. This helps them develop terrific language skills. We can play educational cds in the car that have memory work, scripture songs, science facts or various composers. Capitalizing on daily opportunities to input truth and quality makes it so the occasional 'purely entertainment' times are indeed, special. 

Children's minds grow tremendously fast, and they naturally love learning. We can foster that attitude by being creative and engaging from birth, or we can let our kids get bored so that when formal instruction begins, we have already set ourselves up for trouble. Engage your child's natural curiosity. Talk with them daily, explain what you are doing and why. Show them the things in your home and tell them why you like it, point out shapes and colors. Show them tools, utensils, equipment. It's all new, they love to help, have you do show and tell, play with them, give them tasks and praise them for their help to the family. 

Teach your babies to focus by using a playpen and having engaging books, objects, or mobiles, one item at a time. Teach your toddlers to focus and sit still by reading to them with no electronic distractions. Have them take naps and sleep in their own bed and keep a book in the crib so when they awaken, they learn to enjoy flipping through. Rotate the book, make sure it is engaging with color or things to do or feel. Do not rush to get them out of the crib. Remember infants can awaken for many minutes and go back to sleep. Don't get them up in the midst of their sleep cycle thinking they are done. Sometimes they awaken and cry a little, only to fall back into deeper sleep. 

Eat together daily, sitting at the table through the whole meal. No phones, no TV, just family conversation. Show each other you value each other. 

Life is busy, but if it's too busy to look in your child's eyes each day, talking and listening, it's TOO busy. Fix that. 

A Prayer of Brokenness

A Prayer of Brokenness: great sermon by John MacArthur

Well, let’s open our Bibles tonight, I want to refresh your minds and hearts along the line of prayer. It’s been on my heart lately. And I know if you love the Lord and walk with the Lord you feel .....