Emotionally Strong Children

In today's world of an overload of therapy and medication for teens in particular, it seems worthwhile to think about how to raise emotionally strong children. Afterall, the childhood years pass far too quickly, so shouldn't parenting be done with the thought that you are raising future adults?

Emotional fragility can be easily created by loving parents who think they are rightly protecting their children from uncomfortable situations. Common sense and Biblical principles are lost amidst an unreasonable fear of harming one's beloved offspring. Sadly, these parents can do far more harm than good to their kids.

Having a sibling and going through the normal courses of life will help build strong emotional children. Teaching children to go to sleep on their own is one of the earliest skills that teaches emotional security. Having a sibling get special treatment such as with a birthday or losing a tooth is another natural event that builds confidence in the child not getting the special attention. Being told 'no' and 'wait', and meaning it, builds confidence in a child. Likewise, helping children work through hard emotional times is how we train them to stand on their own two feet.

The lengths some parents will go to in order to avoid all of these natural life events and the wonderful lessons they provide can be shocking. What is sad is that avoiding these 'inequalities' harms our children and makes them weak people, unnecessarily.

There is a reason there are books like What Every Child Should Know Along the Way out. Of course, the Bible is the best book on raising children as it covers God's order for the home and family, which when adhered to leads to very secure, happy and healthy individuals and relationships within the home.

If you have crippled your children by keeping situations equal in the home nearly all the time and not teaching them to be independent with sleeping, you can start today. It will take a concerted effort by both parents to start parenting in a more traditional, common sense way, but if your children aren't too old, you may be able to curb the weakness you've instilled.

Practical tips on how to do this:

• When your child says "I can't" help them see THEY CAN. Believe your child can do far more than you've been expecting. Raise your expectation level and become an encourager rather than an enabler. The book mentioned above will help you see just how much kids at certain ages can and should be able to do.

• Eat dinner at a table every night and expect your children to sit and feed themselves until you have excused them. This begins in the high chair, not age six! Make sure you talk to your husband and are not interrupted. It is appalling how parents will ignore the continual interruptions of their children. Teach them to respect those who are older as well as to control themselves.

• Only the birthday child gets gifts on the birthday

• Only the child who loses a tooth gets money from the tooth fairy

• Don't give all the same gifts at Christmas--make them share

• Let them cry and help them through it--don't avoid the crying b/c of hurt feelings!!!

• Make the decisions parents--don't put undo responsibility on little kids to decide what will and won't happen...be the adult. 

• When my children were young I looked at home as a training ground, and I set up situations that were difficult so I could train them how to respond and how to think. First-time obedience with a good attitude training is done at home...then when you are in a store and tell them 'no' there is never a meltdown. I sadly marvel at how moms act like tantrums are to be expected and they worry more about 'mom shaming' than the poor behavior their child exhibits...they think the big thing is to support one another when in Target and the 4 yr old won't listen to their pleas to talk nicely or stop telling. Folks, these things ARE avoidable. Do the hard work at home. Home time isn't just distraction time and TV time...it is the training ground. Love your kids enough to do the hard work of parenting.