Spreading Your Wings

I find myself often talking about how to mature rightly...not that I have the corner market on it or even fully understand all the dynamics, but having left home for college, had boyfriends, and having married someone who also left home for college and dated, we've got some thoughts. We've also had the opportunity to observe many other people through the years.

If I could give a check list of things to watch out for as you grow from being home full time to not, it would include not losing yourself.

I've seen too many girls get wrapped up with a boy and really lose who THEY are. Where they could have blossomed and beautified, they wither in some ways. People won't necessarily tell a person this because they aren't usually looking to be told (maybe that is a consideration in and of itself), but wisdom would dictate to a young lady to pay attention to what people who've always supported her do and don't say. Maybe what loved ones are no longer saying is important to take note of, especially Mom and Dad, siblings, and trusted church friends.

• Are you still smiling and encouraging if you used to be? 
• Are you devoted to serving the Lord as you always have? 
• Have your priorities kept family and friends close if that is where they were, or is your time generally scheduled around when you can see your boyfriend? 
• Are you a team out in the circle of friends you've both enjoyed, or has it gone to just being his friends or yours? 

These things matter when it comes to marriage and the life you wish to have. What do you want your married life and home life to look like? Double check that what is being cultivated will take you to where you wish to end up. People don't fundamentally change. A young man that isn't interested in studying the Scriptures or supplemental books to make sure he knows how to rightly divide the Word isn't going to magically start being that way. His mind is likely not wired that way. This may be totally fine for some young ladies. They may be used to the Pastor being the only source of authority in the spiritual life of their own growing-up home. But for a young lady whose father was the final authority because he did the searching and studying---if she wants to be able to go to her husband where there is a question--she needs to marry someone who is like that.

If a mechanically gifted man is what a young lady has admired in her own father, she may need to take note if her boyfriend has to hire out that sort of work. A man not handy is not going to magically become so, no matter how many YouTube videos he watches. We can all grow and develop some, but who we fundamentally are wired to be is set, and young people looking to marry need to be honest and look beyond the initial physical attraction.

Guard yourselves so you don't fall in love with someone who really isn't what you want, fundamentally. There are enough issues to compromise on and work through in marriage. The last thing needed is to marry someone completely unlike what you always wanted because you've grown infatuated. Talk to people and pay attention to subtle comments to see if there is a chance you aren't on the right track. Step back and evaluate your relationships. Are you losing those who have always been there for you because of this new person? Sometimes changes are overall good and there is overall improvement because of someone in our life, but other times we aren't improving overall.

Make decisions, try new things, be independent, but do not leave behind the support system that helped get you to where you are.