Why I Rarely Look Back

 It has been an emotional few days, and I've added some activities that haven't made it better. Albeit, unintentionally, but I'm realizing a few things I'll share regarding looking back.

Old photos, old videos, old letters from loved ones who are no longer with us, old stuffed animals, boxes of keepsakes, unfilled photo books from when you had a baby but never used ...do these things point us closer to Christ or do they fill our hearts with sadness?

Maybe some people look through and feel happier. For over 15 years we never had photos of our children around the house. It was very upsetting for me to look back and see the fast passage of time. My husband has been the same way. He also doesn't look back on the anniversary of deaths like some people. He isn't a grave site visitor and doesn't relish looking at old videos or too many pictures of the kids when they were small. I see why. 

My dad and step-mom were here visiting with an impromptu trip the past couple of days. I love seeing my dad, but it is kind of rare, and well, he's 82 and it is difficult to picture life with him gone. I wish we lived closer for easier visiting, but God hasn't granted that prayer. It isn't His will for us to have them over weekly for dinner or even monthly, and that has to be accepted. I've prayed for a long time to be nearer to our family if it is His will, and here we are still after almost 19 years. It's surprising to me and sometimes very frustrating. At other times I am content and just don't think about it, or I see God's wisdom in it and am fine.

During this visit that made me sad and left me confused at times, my dear friend and her family left the area for a new adventure very far away. It has been coming for nearly 7 months, but it is always hard when the trigger is pulled. Life changes so fast and suddenly, even when you are anticipating the newness. If they are like us with the ages of their kids, their whole lives could be lived in this new state, as ours has been here. We arrived when our children were 4, 2 and 8 months. These are pages written by the Lord that gradually unfold and before you know it, it's a book of your life in a certain place for a certain time, full of ups, downs and everything in between. And your children call it home, and it holds something special for them they can't get elsewhere...and to leave it is a big deal for them. 

In the midst of this, I needed a new phone and was trying to get it set up. Quickly my abundance of texts and pictures became a problem, so the heartache ramped up as I had to go through many old videos, label them, move them to my external hard drive...there's a video that is precious to me from Nov 2008 that has been lost. I've got the still shot but the AVI file is gone, and it pains me deeply. The kind of pain you have to go to God with because it seems overly dramatic, but I could cry hard over the loss of it if I let myself. I just feel so bad that in all the file corruptions and backing up over the past 10 years, this special file of my middle girl reciting the books of the Bible is only embedded in our memories. God has a reason. He cares about the things that trouble us, and He knows if one of my old computers has that file uncorrupted. The fact I know the exact date is a blessing, but it also shows that if He wanted me to have the file, He could bring it. A lof of 2008 was lost in a computer crash so I'm fortunate to have anything...But the videos and passage of time...my children yet unsaved, yet unrefined, learning, growing, adorable, messy, beautiful, giggly and small...and me, young, learning, thin, tireless, determined...I don't want to go back. I don't want to do it all again. I just want to hold them one more time sometimes when they were carefree and I had all the answers. Seeing their beautiful tiny faces, dancing, singing, so happy without adult cares...what a joy. But those days can't last. And they don't. And in general, is is best to not dwell on that and keep looking forward. Not too hard when you are in the throes of parenting, but when it slows down, oh discipline is needed so you don't waste these next 'best years of your life'. The reality is, some children are stuck in the younger years mentally, and I need to be thankful to God that mine are not. Accidents happen and thriving adults revert to a childlike state, and I need to remember that it is the natural and good course that has given us all the expected seasons of life. We've always said we're raising adults, and that must be before us at all times until we successfully launch 3 serious followers of Christ who are an asset to their family, their church, and their community.

So back to looking back...in Scripture we're only to look back to see the blessings of the Lord and to glorify God, or to learn from our sin and go forth and not do it anymore. We're not supposed to look back for digging up hurts or for rehashing this or that. When we look back to remember, it is for specific reasons that should leave us feeling more whole in Christ, not more empty. Biblical looking back is always specific to see the hand of the King of Kings and ultimately praise Him. 

My closet is so full of my youth and childhood, and it can make me feel just as I did when I had those things as a younger woman and a little girl. What do I do with all of these special things? I seldom recall they are there, but I was digging around looking for the certificate of the peg my husband bought me in the Ark. Back before the replica was built, when protests were mighty and funding was needed...when God's people prayed and prayed for Answers in Genesis and Ken Ham to be protected and successful, you could buy a part (sponsor it) and get a certificate and a number, and we're going soon and I want to see where my special peg is. I cried when I was given that gift. I loved the Ark project and longed to visit one day when it was built. Now it is time, and can I find that paper? I put it somewhere special. 

No. I can't at the moment, but my bedroom is now full of nearly every keepsake of mine that was carefully squeezed into the closet. I've gone through all the keepsake boxes downstairs with well organized files of what actually was what the boxes said, all the school papers and art I saved from my 3 babies. In my distress and the house a bit of a shambles, my husband, who is the most resourceful man alive, found his receipt in his email from Dec 23, 2013 and printed the information needed so that we can all go to the area where my special peg is ♥. I'll surely find that certificate next year...

So here I am, at bedtime, tears just keep streaming down my face. Because my friend and those precious boys are gone. My dad is old and could pass at any time. My bedroom is literally a totally wreck with special memories that make me sad to look back on but I can't part with (envelopes and letters from my mom who died before I got married, for example). And I'm missing people I loved dearly who are gone and whose funeral cards are one of the things in a special box. (I hate death.) And I'm missing my sisters who I will probably never live very close to again. 

I talked to them both today for the first time in AGES. It is my one sister's birthday, and the other has 2 new grandchildren and we just haven't had time to talk since she had to return to the office full time instead of working from home a lot. After 2 hours, we wrapped up that talk. I needed some comfort, and I wanted to tell her all the things...that's what a sister 9 yrs older can do...listen so well and care when I'm super sad. 

I guess I need to ask God to help me get rid of things that only make me sad when I look back. And to help bind up my broken heart over all the people I've said goodbye to and miss a lot. And to remind me He has a plan for my life even though sometimes it feels like everyone else gets to move on and have adventure while I'm still here in the Burg. The reality is, the place I want to go a lot of the time doesn't exist. It is a time in the past mixed with the present, full of all the people and nearness and the wisdom of now but it was long ago, and that time can't be. It shouldn't be. It is a created place that never was and never will be. I'm here, now, serving the Lord, and need to trust Him in this new season. He will never leave me nor forsake me, and He won't leave you or forsake you if you belong to Him. What a good and loving God. 

Now to Him who is ABLE to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us. To Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus now and forever, Amen. Eph 3:20-21

Repentance is Essential for Peace

When we sin it is often tempting to justify what we have done. We can find others who endorse our decision and help us think the situation through in a way that acquits us and casts blame or wrong thinking on others. But there is a wonderful gift the Christian has from God, the opportunity to have a peaceful conscious when we repent fully before God alone. 

When our conscience is nagging us, it is often because we are searing it with continued wrong thinking. I even recall, before I was saved by the blood of Jesus Christ, how I felt when others tried to tell me that the sinful positions I felt 'stuck in' were OK. I remember people wanting me to be at peace and they felt sorrow over the turmoil I was in. They were of their father the devil, as was I at that time, and they were doing all they knew to do: help a friend feel better by assuring her that how she was and who she was WAS OK. What else can the world offer when very challenging issues present themselves? 

I knew the lack of peace deep inside though. At first it felt like a helpful relief to be assuaged of guilt and sin. There is excitement that moving forward in 'freedom' can happen. But freedom to do things which are only sinful in nature is actually, bondage. And soon enough that happy emotion changes and the deep lack of peace sets back in. 

The reality is, only Christ sets us free. Free to NOT sin habitually. Free to live in newness of life and do what pleases the Creator God. Wrong thinking keeps us in bonds. Christians who perpetuate wrong thinking hinder the work of the Lord and they lack the total peace He wants them to have, which is something that enables them to freely serve Him unconstrained. 

How often do believers take up causes that do not glorify God, which CANNOT glorify Him by their very nature? Refusing to be conformed to Christ because of decisions they would regret if they'd let themself see the truth, they dig their heels in farther and farther, being sure they will convince others to see it their way, rather than let God help them handle the intense anguish over decisions that cannot be changed and which they regret and loathe the consequences they feel responsible for. 

Here's a light example but you will see the point. 

Fast Food can be prayed over to give us the nourishment we need but that will not alter the composition of the food and give it nutrients it lacks or remove what is harmful in it. The choice was made to eat the food and there are consequences to eating it. Even Chick Fil A is generally not going to be transformed chemically because of a prayer. God can do that or anything, but does He? The part that really matters is the decision made on the front end to eat it. As followers of Christ we're not to do what we want, where we want, and think a covering of prayer will make it ok. We don't think that right? And yet, how many times do parents act that way with the oversight of the precious children God has entrusted them with? Can parents follow whatever philosophy, and since they claim Christ, live as though the results will glorify Him? What about where those precious children created in the image of God are educated? Can we do whatever suits our fancy and pray over it and leave it at that? Will that fundamentally change something set against God? When we think of what is taught and exemplified in the government run schools (homosexuality, denying being made in God's image through gender denial, believing killing the unborn is OK, people living together with the opposite sex unmarried, the risk of abuse by a teacher or helper, godless curriculum, promoting religions that are contrary to Christianity etc etc), is it unwise to do what I just described, or is it wrong? Another word for wrong in the Christian's life is sin friends. 

My conviction regarding government schools is similar to my conviction regarding Roman Catholicism. I wish I found something in Scripture to make me think differently. It is not pleasant to go against so many that hold a different view. But I simply cannot see it differently. Until or unless the government run schools in America completely change and humble themselves before God, I believe Christian parents must do all they can to keep their kids away from them. There is too much at stake. There is not wisdom in the multitude of counselors in godless institutions. Can and will God work when there is a single parent or a communist nation that doesn't allow parents to have their kids in Christian school or homeschool them? Of course, He is a father to the fatherless. His grace is sufficient, but that doesn't mean all I've charged parents to do isn't still true. Mothers are to be the gatekeeper of their home and over the lives of the vulnerable children entrusted to her care, and fathers are to be the priest, provider and protector of the home. 

(I believe wisdom and careful discretion are needed if allowing a high school child to take a class in a public college or high school. For some older kids, it might be safe, but for others, it would not be. Let each go to God on that count and determine with their spouse the right course.)

But the Lord is faithful, who shall stablish you, and keep you from evil. 2 Thess 3:3

Image copied from Brett Felton's post on LinkedIn, who this author is not affiliated with in any way personally or professionally. 

Parenting Tips From Dr. and Mrs. Iles

https://www.acl.org.au/blog/blog-mi-parentingtips/

I happily came upon these tips while looking up information about Martyn Iles, the new CEO of Answers in Genesis. We support and affirm AiG's message and ministry, and with two children at Cedarville University, were aware of the recent Living in Babylon tour. We were able to tune in while our children attended live, and it was the first time we'd heard Martyn speak. Needless to say, it's a comfort to see the Lord's provision in providing a competent successor when Ken Ham is no longer serving. Martyn is brilliant. 

Regarding Ken and the late Buddy Davis, it's as though we grew up with them. Our children loved Buddy, and my husband and I were saved within AiG's first decade of existence. We've always been blessed to have excellent teaching regarding creationism. Henry Morris was a professor at Virginia Tech, where the Mr. and I came to know Christ as our Savior. We never knew Christianity without The Institute of Creation Research or the then budding AiG. I recall clearly when we prayed for the Creation Museum to be built one day, and then the process of it finally coming to fruition. It was a project only God could oversee, and He did. Visiting with our children when they were small was incredible. I read every word of every sign (much to the chagrin of my "skimmimg" family!).

All this to say, these parenting tips are very good and I hope you'll aim for them!

Fall Updates at the Homestead ;)

 

It was always worth the wait. 

33 succulent starts in cups, though 11 are multiples! Look for a pop up plant sale!

First attempt at growing cactus' from seed! Stay tuned!

Harvested rose hips today and made rose hip tea. The seeds are soaking and awaiting the long 3 months in the fridge so they can be planted next spring. 

Cutting garden installed and planned by the eldest daughter! Can't wait to see what arrives in spring! New fence to come!

This looks like a mess but it is quite improved and will be mulched soon enough. 

Fall plantings are emerging: peas and spinach.

Fall beets!

Intentional Parenting (series)

I happened upon this series while watching the Revelation podcasts. In starting the first one, I feel these can be recommended because Pastor Skelly referenced and recommended my favorite parenting book, Shepherding A Child's Heart by Ted Tripp. 

Parenting goes so much better if you go about it in a way that honors the Lord. I hope you will take time to watch these. Perhaps on a Fri or Sat night with your spouse for a study time. 

Intentional Parenting Series by Pastor Kurt Skelly

Unexpected Scenarios

It is taken for granted when children are young and parents are young, that we can influence our kids, protect them, and offer guidance and advice whenever it is warranted. It is very sad to see parents who are too busy to be with their young children, pursuing their own dreams to the exclusion of regular family time. This is one thing I loved about homeschooling; so much time together to talk and interact, though it takes effort to really connect of course. 

I think one of the most difficult things older parents can experience is when their kids shut them out, and then make decisions that are not the best. Sometimes the decisions are dangerous or completely wrong. Adults, be they young or not-so-young, are free to do what they want. Wisdom seeks good counsel, which isn't always what is wanted. It isn't so wise to seek counsel from those who will tell us what we want to hear, or seek it from those who don't know us that well. When we seek counsel from many who don't know us, we might not get the hard truth we need to hear, because only those who deeply love us, or deeply love the Savior, will be bold enough to tell us the truth. People who aren't impacted by our decisions are often not invested enough in us to really lay it all out. 

Drying fig leaves for tea

What I'm learning more as I age is that we cannot lose our peace when people shut us or our informed counsel out. We can only do what we can do, which sometimes is just cry out to God, and ask Him to watch over our loved ones. When we could save our loved ones from disaster or just a rough road, we can't care more than the person who is going to likely end up in a mess of their own doing. It is painful when we could help but are not asked, but we must humble ourselves before the Lord and remember as His children, He is loving us and caring for us, and ultimately we should desire to serve Him where and how He wants us to. 

Stubborn self-reliance and pride have led more than one person down a wrong road. Yes, there is wisdom in a multitude of godly counselors, and at the same time, people who don't go to their own family for help can look like they don't actually have a support system. People may wonder, "Why isn't their family helping them? They must not have a close family to count on." If that is our situation, we can't help that there is a strong family available but not wanted. I'm not saying that one's family can provide all that is needed, but it can certainly save us from looking like a person who has no strong support system and MUST therefore RELY on friends or strangers. 

When we're in need of help, we should go to God first, and then after talking and listening for His answer, we should go to those we trust the most to keep the condition of our hearts and walk with the Lord a top priority. After that, we can seek wise counsel from trusted friends we know have our back. God is a jealous God. He wants and deserves first place in our hearts.

Reputations are built quickly and changed slowly.