Today's Widow Brunch

Despite the design of my house, which has a small dining room and narrow entry into the kitchen, I've been hosting widows and ladies over 70 for brunch somewhat regularly. Today's devotion was something I saw from Katy Pistole on LinkedIn last night. 

Katy was my oldest daughter's first writing teacher outside of me, when she was around 7 years old. It was such a thrill to have a local author teach my girl writing for a few weeks. Katy's books were beloved horse tales that we saw come out Christmas after Christmas to be savored when the clamor of school was dimmed during break. Katy is the Director of Beautiful Brokenness Ministries. I don't know a lot about her ministry, but the things I do know about her have been a blessing. 

Here is what I shared leading into reading Revelation 4 and 5. 

Katy Pistole

Her video of The Dance which accompanies the story is so moving. What a picture of the glorious freedom we have in Jesus Christ when we give Him ourselves and learn to trust Him with our past, present and future. 

Soli Deo Gloria

Here's My One Political Post

Satanic influences abound and here is an example with Kamala Harris. Absolutely unbelievable. I do not think anyone who is actually in Christ as a born-again believer can vote Democrat. It is a deceived person who does; meaning, they are outside of a saving relationship with Christ. I don't go around saying this because hearts aren't changed by pounding on the outside of the man, but here on my blog where I can say what I think to those who choose to read what is written, I'm saying it. 

https://notthebee.com/article/someone-shouted-jesus-is-lord-at-a-kamala-rally-and-kamala-responded-that-he-was-at-the-wrong-rally

We need to be in prayer for those who hate truth, hate God, and are heading to an eternity in Hell. God help us love those people. 

Counseling One Another by Paul Tautges

I think this is a worthwhile website to have bookmarked and there are numerous titles that seem good for one's library. On the recommendation of a trusted pastor friend, I've referred others to this site. I've found Paul's take on certain books aligns with my own, and the articles he writes are sound. I haven't read everything so I always urge people to use discernment and pray, and wives, talk to your husbands before aligning with anything. 

That said, this is a worthwhile read, especially if you are a Roman Catholic or were. It is his testimony of how he came to Christ. He does such a great job explaining and it has reminded me how empty I was before Christ. It can be something we forget and then we lose our passion to share with others, or we trust God less than we did to impress on people how much they need Him.

Worth Checking Out

 Martyn Iles

The new executive CEO of Answers in Genesis is not afraid to publicly say what needs to be said, and what has needed to be said in America. Do I think this will change the tide of our wicked culture? No, but that isn't necessarily the point. The point is to glorify the Creator God and stop letting the wicked voices of the day be the loudest. We know Christ is victorious and one day every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. What I really appreciate is his urgency to speak and preach the truth.  

Why I Rarely Look Back

 It has been an emotional few days, and I've added some activities that haven't made it better. Albeit, unintentionally, but I'm realizing a few things I'll share regarding looking back.

Old photos, old videos, old letters from loved ones who are no longer with us, old stuffed animals, boxes of keepsakes, unfilled photo books from when you had a baby but never used ...do these things point us closer to Christ or do they fill our hearts with sadness?

Maybe some people look through and feel happier. For over 15 years we never had photos of our children around the house. It was very upsetting for me to look back and see the fast passage of time. My husband has been the same way. He also doesn't look back on the anniversary of deaths like some people. He isn't a grave site visitor and doesn't relish looking at old videos or too many pictures of the kids when they were small. I see why. 

My dad and step-mom were here visiting with an impromptu trip the past couple of days. I love seeing my dad, but it is kind of rare, and well, he's 82 and it is difficult to picture life with him gone. I wish we lived closer for easier visiting, but God hasn't granted that prayer. It isn't His will for us to have them over weekly for dinner or even monthly, and that has to be accepted. I've prayed for a long time to be nearer to our family if it is His will, and here we are still after almost 19 years. It's surprising to me and sometimes very frustrating. At other times I am content and just don't think about it, or I see God's wisdom in it and am fine.

During this visit that made me sad and left me confused at times, my dear friend and her family left the area for a new adventure very far away. It has been coming for nearly 7 months, but it is always hard when the trigger is pulled. Life changes so fast and suddenly, even when you are anticipating the newness. If they are like us with the ages of their kids, their whole lives could be lived in this new state, as ours has been here. We arrived when our children were 4, 2 and 8 months. These are pages written by the Lord that gradually unfold and before you know it, it's a book of your life in a certain place for a certain time, full of ups, downs and everything in between. And your children call it home, and it holds something special for them they can't get elsewhere...and to leave it is a big deal for them. 

In the midst of this, I needed a new phone and was trying to get it set up. Quickly my abundance of texts and pictures became a problem, so the heartache ramped up as I had to go through many old videos, label them, move them to my external hard drive...there's a video that is precious to me from Nov 2008 that has been lost. I've got the still shot but the AVI file is gone, and it pains me deeply. The kind of pain you have to go to God with because it seems overly dramatic, but I could cry hard over the loss of it if I let myself. I just feel so bad that in all the file corruptions and backing up over the past 10 years, this special file of my middle girl reciting the books of the Bible is only embedded in our memories. God has a reason. He cares about the things that trouble us, and He knows if one of my old computers has that file uncorrupted. The fact I know the exact date is a blessing, but it also shows that if He wanted me to have the file, He could bring it. A lof of 2008 was lost in a computer crash so I'm fortunate to have anything...But the videos and passage of time...my children yet unsaved, yet unrefined, learning, growing, adorable, messy, beautiful, giggly and small...and me, young, learning, thin, tireless, determined...I don't want to go back. I don't want to do it all again. I just want to hold them one more time sometimes when they were carefree and I had all the answers. Seeing their beautiful tiny faces, dancing, singing, so happy without adult cares...what a joy. But those days can't last. And they don't. And in general, is is best to not dwell on that and keep looking forward. Not too hard when you are in the throes of parenting, but when it slows down, oh discipline is needed so you don't waste these next 'best years of your life'. The reality is, some children are stuck in the younger years mentally, and I need to be thankful to God that mine are not. Accidents happen and thriving adults revert to a childlike state, and I need to remember that it is the natural and good course that has given us all the expected seasons of life. We've always said we're raising adults, and that must be before us at all times until we successfully launch 3 serious followers of Christ who are an asset to their family, their church, and their community.

So back to looking back...in Scripture we're only to look back to see the blessings of the Lord and to glorify God, or to learn from our sin and go forth and not do it anymore. We're not supposed to look back for digging up hurts or for rehashing this or that. When we look back to remember, it is for specific reasons that should leave us feeling more whole in Christ, not more empty. Biblical looking back is always specific to see the hand of the King of Kings and ultimately praise Him. 

My closet is so full of my youth and childhood, and it can make me feel just as I did when I had those things as a younger woman and a little girl. What do I do with all of these special things? I seldom recall they are there, but I was digging around looking for the certificate of the peg my husband bought me in the Ark. Back before the replica was built, when protests were mighty and funding was needed...when God's people prayed and prayed for Answers in Genesis and Ken Ham to be protected and successful, you could buy a part (sponsor it) and get a certificate and a number, and we're going soon and I want to see where my special peg is. I cried when I was given that gift. I loved the Ark project and longed to visit one day when it was built. Now it is time, and can I find that paper? I put it somewhere special. 

No. I can't at the moment, but my bedroom is now full of nearly every keepsake of mine that was carefully squeezed into the closet. I've gone through all the keepsake boxes downstairs with well organized files of what actually was what the boxes said, all the school papers and art I saved from my 3 babies. In my distress and the house a bit of a shambles, my husband, who is the most resourceful man alive, found his receipt in his email from Dec 23, 2013 and printed the information needed so that we can all go to the area where my special peg is ♥. I'll surely find that certificate next year...

So here I am, at bedtime, tears just keep streaming down my face. Because my friend and those precious boys are gone. My dad is old and could pass at any time. My bedroom is literally a totally wreck with special memories that make me sad to look back on but I can't part with (envelopes and letters from my mom who died before I got married, for example). And I'm missing people I loved dearly who are gone and whose funeral cards are one of the things in a special box. (I hate death.) And I'm missing my sisters who I will probably never live very close to again. 

I talked to them both today for the first time in AGES. It is my one sister's birthday, and the other has 2 new grandchildren and we just haven't had time to talk since she had to return to the office full time instead of working from home a lot. After 2 hours, we wrapped up that talk. I needed some comfort, and I wanted to tell her all the things...that's what a sister 9 yrs older can do...listen so well and care when I'm super sad. 

I guess I need to ask God to help me get rid of things that only make me sad when I look back. And to help bind up my broken heart over all the people I've said goodbye to and miss a lot. And to remind me He has a plan for my life even though sometimes it feels like everyone else gets to move on and have adventure while I'm still here in the Burg. The reality is, the place I want to go a lot of the time doesn't exist. It is a time in the past mixed with the present, full of all the people and nearness and the wisdom of now but it was long ago, and that time can't be. It shouldn't be. It is a created place that never was and never will be. I'm here, now, serving the Lord, and need to trust Him in this new season. He will never leave me nor forsake me, and He won't leave you or forsake you if you belong to Him. What a good and loving God. 

Now to Him who is ABLE to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us. To Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus now and forever, Amen. Eph 3:20-21

Repentance is Essential for Peace

When we sin it is often tempting to justify what we have done. We can find others who endorse our decision and help us think the situation through in a way that acquits us and casts blame or wrong thinking on others. But there is a wonderful gift the Christian has from God, the opportunity to have a peaceful conscious when we repent fully before God alone. 

When our conscience is nagging us, it is often because we are searing it with continued wrong thinking. I even recall, before I was saved by the blood of Jesus Christ, how I felt when others tried to tell me that the sinful positions I felt 'stuck in' were OK. I remember people wanting me to be at peace and they felt sorrow over the turmoil I was in. They were of their father the devil, as was I at that time, and they were doing all they knew to do: help a friend feel better by assuring her that how she was and who she was WAS OK. What else can the world offer when very challenging issues present themselves? 

I knew the lack of peace deep inside though. At first it felt like a helpful relief to be assuaged of guilt and sin. There is excitement that moving forward in 'freedom' can happen. But freedom to do things which are only sinful in nature is actually, bondage. And soon enough that happy emotion changes and the deep lack of peace sets back in. 

The reality is, only Christ sets us free. Free to NOT sin habitually. Free to live in newness of life and do what pleases the Creator God. Wrong thinking keeps us in bonds. Christians who perpetuate wrong thinking hinder the work of the Lord and they lack the total peace He wants them to have, which is something that enables them to freely serve Him unconstrained. 

How often do believers take up causes that do not glorify God, which CANNOT glorify Him by their very nature? Refusing to be conformed to Christ because of decisions they would regret if they'd let themself see the truth, they dig their heels in farther and farther, being sure they will convince others to see it their way, rather than let God help them handle the intense anguish over decisions that cannot be changed and which they regret and loathe the consequences they feel responsible for. 

Here's a light example but you will see the point. 

Fast Food can be prayed over to give us the nourishment we need but that will not alter the composition of the food and give it nutrients it lacks or remove what is harmful in it. The choice was made to eat the food and there are consequences to eating it. Even Chick Fil A is generally not going to be transformed chemically because of a prayer. God can do that or anything, but does He? The part that really matters is the decision made on the front end to eat it. As followers of Christ we're not to do what we want, where we want, and think a covering of prayer will make it ok. We don't think that right? And yet, how many times do parents act that way with the oversight of the precious children God has entrusted them with? Can parents follow whatever philosophy, and since they claim Christ, live as though the results will glorify Him? What about where those precious children created in the image of God are educated? Can we do whatever suits our fancy and pray over it and leave it at that? Will that fundamentally change something set against God? When we think of what is taught and exemplified in the government run schools (homosexuality, denying being made in God's image through gender denial, believing killing the unborn is OK, people living together with the opposite sex unmarried, the risk of abuse by a teacher or helper, godless curriculum, promoting religions that are contrary to Christianity etc etc), is it unwise to do what I just described, or is it wrong? Another word for wrong in the Christian's life is sin friends. 

My conviction regarding government schools is similar to my conviction regarding Roman Catholicism. I wish I found something in Scripture to make me think differently. It is not pleasant to go against so many that hold a different view. But I simply cannot see it differently. Until or unless the government run schools in America completely change and humble themselves before God, I believe Christian parents must do all they can to keep their kids away from them. There is too much at stake. There is not wisdom in the multitude of counselors in godless institutions. Can and will God work when there is a single parent or a communist nation that doesn't allow parents to have their kids in Christian school or homeschool them? Of course, He is a father to the fatherless. His grace is sufficient, but that doesn't mean all I've charged parents to do isn't still true. Mothers are to be the gatekeeper of their home and over the lives of the vulnerable children entrusted to her care, and fathers are to be the priest, provider and protector of the home. 

(I believe wisdom and careful discretion are needed if allowing a high school child to take a class in a public college or high school. For some older kids, it might be safe, but for others, it would not be. Let each go to God on that count and determine with their spouse the right course.)

But the Lord is faithful, who shall stablish you, and keep you from evil. 2 Thess 3:3

Image copied from Brett Felton's post on LinkedIn, who this author is not affiliated with in any way personally or professionally.