Jan 2019
It took me a few years to fully grasp the benefits of a well-ordered home, though it was always my goal to have one. I also didn't fully appreciate the benefits of our regular Friday night pizza night until we'd been doing it for a number of years. While I loved going on vacations every year, it wasn't until recently that I could look back and see what an important gift this has been for us all. We need that special down-time together regularly after working hard throughout the weeks.
We've always started our homeschool day at 8 am, and for years I found this very difficult, but I managed. For years I would roll out of bed at 7:59, head downstairs, and we'd start. The kids had been up and had fed themselves I'm sad to say. Even so, this routine of a set schedule helped cover a multitude of potential issues that could have arisen. Dependability and reliability naturally start to blossom when there is a plan in place and people know what to expect. An environment of love and acceptance grew, too, and the expectation was and is for my kids to be friends. I tried to ensure I wasn't doing anything to make that harder than it would be naturally.
I don't teach my kids everything myself once they are in middle and high school, but I set the schedule and make sure people are staying on task. There are a few things I teach and I edit papers, but I'm mainly a manager as they age.
We have not had time during the day for play dates during our school week, even when the kids were in elementary school. Classical Conversations was our social outing for the week each Friday. We hit the books Monday through Thursday for everything else. It was great! We enjoyed getting our foundation with classical education for 6 years through that venue and continued a classical approach in several regards through middle school and some of high school. After our time with CC we joined a co-op that does a terrific job teaching middle and high school sciences with labs. It is our weekly time to be out with other homeschoolers again, just a new setting.
As my home now is filled with three teenagers, I can look back and see the blessings of following my husband's lead on how we've run our home and school. We cherish the routine of our Friday nights together. I love that my kids know the rhythm of our days and can set their own schedules and manage their time. Getting up early enough to make their loads lighter by serving them breakfast is my joy and privilege as I see the days to do this coming to a fast end...(my oldest graduates this year). And our summer vacations are the cherry on top after a year of everyone working hard day in and day out with school.
My view is that the busyness and focused attention to being productive has kept many potential emotional hurdles at bay. The Bible says idle hands are the devil's workshop and I really think this is a potential pitfall to homeschoolers who aren't busy enough. Being thoughtful about outside activities matters, too, but the time spent at home together is where we learn and grow with how to treat others, how to react properly to adversity, how to serve our fellow man and how to obey those in authority over us.
We have not participated in groups that are known to have a great deal of teen drama, and our church is one that is focused on the Word of God. Our youth group has wonderful leadership and gives my kids a fun yet thought provoking outlet one night per week with special social events a few times each month. Our church offers numerous service opportunities for our kids to learn and grow alongside people committed to serving the Lord.
Friends have never been a priority; I've told my kids over and over it is better to have no friends than the wrong friends. This has served us well. I didn't start out thinking this, and it took God years of patient work in my own heart to really help me see and understand this reality. But in hindsight I see many problems we've avoided as a team here because of not needing friends to make us whole.
Our goal isn't to just help our children 'make it' when they are grown up and out of the house. Our educational goal isn't that they'll 'get by fine' either. Our goal has always been to help our children do the absolute best they can do according to their ability and that stems from a fundamental belief that they can do a lot.
As their parents our job is to not get in their way or hinder them with our own shortcomings, but rise to the occasion and do the job the way it is supposed to be done. We don't lead with emotion, but we love our children profoundly--enough to sacrifice our comfort, resources, schedules etc.
I've always believed, and am seeing more and more evidence to support the claim that starting early each day, getting to bed well before midnight, and being serious about school is the best way to raise kids. They are too busy to get in to excess trouble and the tumultuous emotions they deal with can't sidetrack them too much. Family relationships are the most important and after that, the body of Christ which includes a commitment to a church where weekly attendance is happening. Along with this, a healthy diet and staying active are key. After these things are consistently met, if problems arise it is a lot easier to truly pinpoint what the issue is. Too often dietary insufficiency or years of inadequate sleep are allowed to plague our children so that when the hard teen years come, it is impossible to know what is really going on inside them.
In closing, if I can be frank--don't let your god be fun. It will turn on you and not give you what you think it will. Sadly by the time this is realized, much damage has already been done.
Work first, play second-- do both heartily with focus and it will feel like spring after a rough winter throughout your life.
