Today's Widow Brunch

Despite the design of my house, which has a small dining room and narrow entry into the kitchen, I've been hosting widows and ladies over 70 for brunch somewhat regularly. Today's devotion was something I saw from Katy Pistole on LinkedIn last night. 

Katy was my oldest daughter's first writing teacher outside of me, when she was around 7 years old. It was such a thrill to have a local author teach my girl writing for a few weeks. Katy's books were beloved horse tales that we saw come out Christmas after Christmas to be savored when the clamor of school was dimmed during break. Katy is the Director of Beautiful Brokenness Ministries. I don't know a lot about her ministry, but the things I do know about her have been a blessing. 

Here is what I shared leading into reading Revelation 4 and 5. 

Katy Pistole

Her video of The Dance which accompanies the story is so moving. What a picture of the glorious freedom we have in Jesus Christ when we give Him ourselves and learn to trust Him with our past, present and future. 

Soli Deo Gloria

Here's My One Political Post

Satanic influences abound and here is an example with Kamala Harris. Absolutely unbelievable. I do not think anyone who is actually in Christ as a born-again believer can vote Democrat. It is a deceived person who does; meaning, they are outside of a saving relationship with Christ. I don't go around saying this because hearts aren't changed by pounding on the outside of the man, but here on my blog where I can say what I think to those who choose to read what is written, I'm saying it. 

https://notthebee.com/article/someone-shouted-jesus-is-lord-at-a-kamala-rally-and-kamala-responded-that-he-was-at-the-wrong-rally

We need to be in prayer for those who hate truth, hate God, and are heading to an eternity in Hell. God help us love those people. 

Counseling One Another by Paul Tautges

I think this is a worthwhile website to have bookmarked and there are numerous titles that seem good for one's library. On the recommendation of a trusted pastor friend, I've referred others to this site. I've found Paul's take on certain books aligns with my own, and the articles he writes are sound. I haven't read everything so I always urge people to use discernment and pray, and wives, talk to your husbands before aligning with anything. 

That said, this is a worthwhile read, especially if you are a Roman Catholic or were. It is his testimony of how he came to Christ. He does such a great job explaining and it has reminded me how empty I was before Christ. It can be something we forget and then we lose our passion to share with others, or we trust God less than we did to impress on people how much they need Him.

Worth Checking Out

 Martyn Iles

The new executive CEO of Answers in Genesis is not afraid to publicly say what needs to be said, and what has needed to be said in America. Do I think this will change the tide of our wicked culture? No, but that isn't necessarily the point. The point is to glorify the Creator God and stop letting the wicked voices of the day be the loudest. We know Christ is victorious and one day every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. What I really appreciate is his urgency to speak and preach the truth.  

Why I Rarely Look Back

 It has been an emotional few days, and I've added some activities that haven't made it better. Albeit, unintentionally, but I'm realizing a few things I'll share regarding looking back.

Old photos, old videos, old letters from loved ones who are no longer with us, old stuffed animals, boxes of keepsakes, unfilled photo books from when you had a baby but never used ...do these things point us closer to Christ or do they fill our hearts with sadness?

Maybe some people look through and feel happier. For over 15 years we never had photos of our children around the house. It was very upsetting for me to look back and see the fast passage of time. My husband has been the same way. He also doesn't look back on the anniversary of deaths like some people. He isn't a grave site visitor and doesn't relish looking at old videos or too many pictures of the kids when they were small. I see why. 

My dad and step-mom were here visiting with an impromptu trip the past couple of days. I love seeing my dad, but it is kind of rare, and well, he's 82 and it is difficult to picture life with him gone. I wish we lived closer for easier visiting, but God hasn't granted that prayer. It isn't His will for us to have them over weekly for dinner or even monthly, and that has to be accepted. I've prayed for a long time to be nearer to our family if it is His will, and here we are still after almost 19 years. It's surprising to me and sometimes very frustrating. At other times I am content and just don't think about it, or I see God's wisdom in it and am fine.

During this visit that made me sad and left me confused at times, my dear friend and her family left the area for a new adventure very far away. It has been coming for nearly 7 months, but it is always hard when the trigger is pulled. Life changes so fast and suddenly, even when you are anticipating the newness. If they are like us with the ages of their kids, their whole lives could be lived in this new state, as ours has been here. We arrived when our children were 4, 2 and 8 months. These are pages written by the Lord that gradually unfold and before you know it, it's a book of your life in a certain place for a certain time, full of ups, downs and everything in between. And your children call it home, and it holds something special for them they can't get elsewhere...and to leave it is a big deal for them. 

In the midst of this, I needed a new phone and was trying to get it set up. Quickly my abundance of texts and pictures became a problem, so the heartache ramped up as I had to go through many old videos, label them, move them to my external hard drive...there's a video that is precious to me from Nov 2008 that has been lost. I've got the still shot but the AVI file is gone, and it pains me deeply. The kind of pain you have to go to God with because it seems overly dramatic, but I could cry hard over the loss of it if I let myself. I just feel so bad that in all the file corruptions and backing up over the past 10 years, this special file of my middle girl reciting the books of the Bible is only embedded in our memories. God has a reason. He cares about the things that trouble us, and He knows if one of my old computers has that file uncorrupted. The fact I know the exact date is a blessing, but it also shows that if He wanted me to have the file, He could bring it. A lof of 2008 was lost in a computer crash so I'm fortunate to have anything...But the videos and passage of time...my children yet unsaved, yet unrefined, learning, growing, adorable, messy, beautiful, giggly and small...and me, young, learning, thin, tireless, determined...I don't want to go back. I don't want to do it all again. I just want to hold them one more time sometimes when they were carefree and I had all the answers. Seeing their beautiful tiny faces, dancing, singing, so happy without adult cares...what a joy. But those days can't last. And they don't. And in general, is is best to not dwell on that and keep looking forward. Not too hard when you are in the throes of parenting, but when it slows down, oh discipline is needed so you don't waste these next 'best years of your life'. The reality is, some children are stuck in the younger years mentally, and I need to be thankful to God that mine are not. Accidents happen and thriving adults revert to a childlike state, and I need to remember that it is the natural and good course that has given us all the expected seasons of life. We've always said we're raising adults, and that must be before us at all times until we successfully launch 3 serious followers of Christ who are an asset to their family, their church, and their community.

So back to looking back...in Scripture we're only to look back to see the blessings of the Lord and to glorify God, or to learn from our sin and go forth and not do it anymore. We're not supposed to look back for digging up hurts or for rehashing this or that. When we look back to remember, it is for specific reasons that should leave us feeling more whole in Christ, not more empty. Biblical looking back is always specific to see the hand of the King of Kings and ultimately praise Him. 

My closet is so full of my youth and childhood, and it can make me feel just as I did when I had those things as a younger woman and a little girl. What do I do with all of these special things? I seldom recall they are there, but I was digging around looking for the certificate of the peg my husband bought me in the Ark. Back before the replica was built, when protests were mighty and funding was needed...when God's people prayed and prayed for Answers in Genesis and Ken Ham to be protected and successful, you could buy a part (sponsor it) and get a certificate and a number, and we're going soon and I want to see where my special peg is. I cried when I was given that gift. I loved the Ark project and longed to visit one day when it was built. Now it is time, and can I find that paper? I put it somewhere special. 

No. I can't at the moment, but my bedroom is now full of nearly every keepsake of mine that was carefully squeezed into the closet. I've gone through all the keepsake boxes downstairs with well organized files of what actually was what the boxes said, all the school papers and art I saved from my 3 babies. In my distress and the house a bit of a shambles, my husband, who is the most resourceful man alive, found his receipt in his email from Dec 23, 2013 and printed the information needed so that we can all go to the area where my special peg is ♥. I'll surely find that certificate next year...

So here I am, at bedtime, tears just keep streaming down my face. Because my friend and those precious boys are gone. My dad is old and could pass at any time. My bedroom is literally a totally wreck with special memories that make me sad to look back on but I can't part with (envelopes and letters from my mom who died before I got married, for example). And I'm missing people I loved dearly who are gone and whose funeral cards are one of the things in a special box. (I hate death.) And I'm missing my sisters who I will probably never live very close to again. 

I talked to them both today for the first time in AGES. It is my one sister's birthday, and the other has 2 new grandchildren and we just haven't had time to talk since she had to return to the office full time instead of working from home a lot. After 2 hours, we wrapped up that talk. I needed some comfort, and I wanted to tell her all the things...that's what a sister 9 yrs older can do...listen so well and care when I'm super sad. 

I guess I need to ask God to help me get rid of things that only make me sad when I look back. And to help bind up my broken heart over all the people I've said goodbye to and miss a lot. And to remind me He has a plan for my life even though sometimes it feels like everyone else gets to move on and have adventure while I'm still here in the Burg. The reality is, the place I want to go a lot of the time doesn't exist. It is a time in the past mixed with the present, full of all the people and nearness and the wisdom of now but it was long ago, and that time can't be. It shouldn't be. It is a created place that never was and never will be. I'm here, now, serving the Lord, and need to trust Him in this new season. He will never leave me nor forsake me, and He won't leave you or forsake you if you belong to Him. What a good and loving God. 

Now to Him who is ABLE to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us. To Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus now and forever, Amen. Eph 3:20-21

Churches in God's Revelation to John

I think it is interesting when studying the Revelation how we can see the problems in the churches of Ephesus, Pergamos, Thyatira and yet be unmoved in examining our own church and life of service. Even as the sins in these churches are specifically named, why is it we do not have specific examples of the problems that are relevant to now as we talk? Things are always theoretical and not specific, but Christ was very specific. I find it noteworthy also that when Christ has something against them, it was for sinning. Not a willy nilly condemnation on them being unwise, but what that lack of wisdom, or lack of faithfulness led to. 

We know the messages about the churches are messages for us today. They should cause us to examine our own churches and our own lives and deal seriously with wrong thinking and teaching. Too often we keep things theoretical, as if we are looking through a glass pane at the past and taking note, but we don't really dig hard and say, "Is there a Jezebel in OUR church? Am I a Jezebel??"

Do we ask ourselves if WE have left our first love and thought through what that would look like, or do we assume that of course we haven't? Our service is from a heart of love for Christ and therefore we are never jealous or petty, we never withhold information so we appear to be in the "in" crowd. We aren't competitive with our fellow believers, playing in to the games some others play with having 'favorites'. We don't care if someone else got information first or was able to hold the baby or whatever. Our love for each other and Jesus is always before our own eyes.... 

Do we gloss over the sins of the people in the churches in Revelation and think we aren't represented really, but if we were to be, surely we are like Smyrna who was suffering for righteousness? Do any churches look at the Revelation and examine themselves and take action? 

If I were to look at churches in America, I see things God could easily come and condemn them for. I could see Christ condemning the church for setting His vulnerable children under the teachings of mockers and scorners day and and day out (government schools). I cannot for the life of me picture God pleased with His people doing this, and I can certainly envision a much harsher condemnation for those who heartily approve of encouraging others to set their children under teaching that is contrary to God's truth, Creation, Christ's payment for our sin being of critical importance etc. I do not see God in Revelation condemning the churches for having unwise positions and leaving as a minor thing. He goes after how that lack of wisdom led to sinful behaviors. Is there even a genuine difference between doing something unwise and sinning? Is it acceptable for Christians who should know better to act unwisely? Does that get a pass? 

We drink daily in front of our children, not to get drunk, but we set the example as a Christian. Does God slap our hand and say to the church who allows that sort of thing, "Bad idea but it was just unwise?" I don't see that sort of character in the Lord. I see clearly defined criticisms from Him, and we know He is serious about causing little ones to stumble. 

Does putting impressionable children (of Christians) under the authority of the ungodly (also called wicked, depraved, rebellious) NOT constitute a stumbling block, particularly when the materials they use to teach leave God out and promote lifestyles abhorrent to the Creator? Does entrusting children made in the image of God to people who would have aborted them, or think they should be able to "change" their gender, or who practice homosexuality, or who deny God, who are unregenerate in general, is that like causing them to stumble and teaching them to sit among scoffers? What category does that fall into if not that? 

I'm of the mindset that a huge blind spot in American Christianity is heartily approving of and using godless, government run schools to educate. I think we will see His judgment on this issue. The short-sighted want to say that position stems from results, claiming that kids from private schools and homeschools turn out unregenerate, too, so we can't criticize public schools. Who has said anything about RESULTS? I'm talking about the front end of decision making where wisdom and an understanding of our responsibility as parents to raise our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord is supposed to lead. I'm not talking about results anywhere. Our obedience to the Lord is based on doing the right thing for the right reasons and we entrust results to Him.

I think another criticism God has in today's churches is the lack of caring what His word says and the lack of serious devotion to it. Too many churches want to entertain from the pulpit and I see that style no where in Scripture. We are flippant and concerned with socializing while we say we aren't! 

Others can go so far as to cast doubt on the authority of Scripture even though they claim to be genuine churches. These institutions are focused on building their church and fellowshipping, not offending anyone.

There are problems with women leading and weak men allowing them to. There is a lack of leadership and those "stars" will be judged for letting factions come up or stifling their people's learning. 

So many things....we have to examine ourselves and make sure we are not playing into whatever problems plague our own church. We can repent on behalf of the church body and ask God to convict and bring change, but it has to start somewhere. One person can make a difference. 

I recommend watching the videos in the sidebar entitled The Children of Caesar by Voddie Baucham.