A Word to the Husbands

Recently I wrote a post geared more toward wives and how they can be a blessing to their husbands, but tonight it has been on my mind to write a few words to husbands who wish their wives were more fun, or more fun-loving. If you seldom laugh with your spouse, or aren't really friends who enjoy days alone together, read on.

How often do we come to be dissatisfied with a creature of our own creation? A financially prudent husband could, after many years of marriage, find his free-spirit wife to be a bit, dis-spirited. The whimsy of their youthful days and her dreaming are long gone......he recalls it and how full of energy she was, yet fails to realise he has squelched any dreamy-ness by seldom, if ever, giving her the chance to be 'free'.  Has his practical side won out time and again to the point she doesn't even bother trying to ask about that puppy, or flower garden or playset for the grandkids? Perhaps her life would be more joyful if she had been allowed to have some hobbies at home. 

Wives can also be taxed by free-spirited husbands who saddle them with the job of picking up the financial pieces as they wheel and deal how they wish, often spending money needed for serious things. This scenario is tough on wives. The husband expects her unfailing enthusiasm and support as he neglects her gift of financial savvy, then leaves her worried about how the bills will get paid. He irresponsibly prattles about while she laments and robs Peter to pay Paul.

Marriage is meant to allow us the chance to give in to one another when reasonable. We grow when things aren't always our way!

--Do we have to love every idea from our spouse? 

--If your spouse doesn't like to be with you that much, why is that? Are you more fun with others, and if so, why? Do you do something rather often they can't take much of?

--Are you selfish and unbending? Have you asked your seemingly unhappy spouse if there is something really fun they'd enjoy doing or having, and then helping make it a reality?

--Think of things that drive you just about other people and ask God, or your spouse, if you demonstrate that same tendency. Often we are great at diagnosing our problem, but we mask it by being critical of someone else.

Don't be afraid to hash these things out. Fresh starts are always available if we are willing to humble ourselves. God's mercies are new very morning! It takes intentional work to be close as the kids move out. Start before they are gone! Watching my sister do this made a big difference. She worked hard to enjoy time with just her husband when the kids were young teens and that has carried into truly relishing time together now that it is just the two of them.

If you failed to plan for the empty nest, then dig in now and date your spouse. Pay attention to what they like and want. Learn to cook together, get a little vacation cottage, join a gym together (and go together weekly), plant a garden....if you want to be interesting, then become interesting! I knew a lady many years ago who purposed to read about what her husband was interested in so he would continue to find her attractive as the years went along. This runs both directions. 

To have a friend, you need to BE a friend. Start with who you sleep with.

What Does Respect Look Like?

The Misunderstood Ingredient

The sermon above is one of the best, if not the best, I've heard given on biblical submission. Pastor Darrin is the pastor of First Baptist Church in Wheeling, WV. I've been listening to most of his messages for about 4 years now, essentially for one year prior to my oldest child attending his church and the subsequent 3 years when she was a member. Now that she's no longer there, I continue to listen because he is a pastor full of love for his congregation. He sacrifices, along with his beautiful wife, to serve the people God has entrusted him with. The time and attention he puts into studying cannot be missed and are matched by the other pastor I strive to listen to weekly, John MacArthur.

If you listen to the sermon linked to above, you will surely know what respect for a husband looks like. As a wife, I usually know, but sometimes I'm not paying attention and might act in a way that isn't respectful. We all learn what our husbands want, or at least, we should...and as seasons change, we should take stock and see if we need to up our game. 

God gives us husbands to be our priest, provider and protector. How do we honor that? Our tone of voice, stopping to look at them and greet them when they enter a room, looking at them when they speak to us, following their lead---these are things that mean a lot. Our husbands should be who we ask first about biblical questions and who we go to for advice. They are the spiritual head of the home and they appreciate when we show regard for their opinions.

Regarding husbands being our providers--whether a wife works outside the home or not, it is her duty and calling to keep the home and make it a haven for her husband. We are told to be keepers at home. If we do not have to work for financial reasons, I don't think we should if we use it as an excuse to not cultivate the skills of maintaining a lovely place for the family to live. We show respect to our husbands when we make the home a priority. They have provided it, and our nurture of it shows our gratitude in ways words alone fail to do. Not liking housework or cooking is an excuse that is, quite honestly, lame. I do not think God is pleased when wives rebel and refuse to keep the home in a way that is pleasing to their husbands or who will not learn to cook because it isn't fun. NO amount of outside work makes up for failing to obey God's word. There is safety for a wife to not be influenced regularly from outside the home, and being home and tending it causes a dependence on the husband that is good. Home made meals are healthier, budget friendlier, and a wife can stay in shape keeping the house up which is a way to respect her husband. Look good for your man as best you can!

Honoring our husbands as our protector--God has set up the family unit so that men are the head and that is because BY DESIGN men are strong--mentally and physically. They create a hedge around the family, and we need to look to them as that by placing ourselves under their watchful care. The more we are out of the house, the harder this is. Women who do not have husbands should be under the care of their father, meaning they should defer to their Dad's advice first and foremost, letting suitors know how close she is to her father. It is a protection for her. Wives who are clearly under their husbands will naturally have less negative influences coming at them from the outside. Everyone just knows that a wife backed by a strong man is not easily swayed. 

Ladies, learn your husband's wants and needs and do things the way he wants. That is how to respect him. Don't make him tell you to cook for him and clean the house and do his laundry--of course he wants that, but he doesn't want to have to force you. Submission is to willingly and lovingly cultivate what is needed to serve your husband. It is an attitude from the wife, who can hire some things out if needed, but she should first make sure she is putting aside those things that are easy "go-to's" outside the home and do the hard work of being a competent home maker. That shows a husband respect for what he has done and shows you care about him enough to take physical care of him. In the process, you will surely benefit. ♥

Verses of Great Comfort

When it comes to having unsaved loved ones,  nothing comforts like God's word. When I thought it depended mostly on me,  I was consumed and often despaired. God makes it clear it is He who draws people,  gives them to His Son,   and makes the 'dead-in-sin' alive. There is a serious transaction between God Himself and Jesus Christ. I cannot make anything or anyone that is dead- in sin or bodily- come to life in any measure.  All I can do is live faithfully and share the gospel with those God puts in my path. Knowing that, I see that my part is only a part of the equation. What I need to do is to trust God and rest in who He is, leaving the results to Him. 

Thanks be to God for His Sovereignty. 

Jn 6:37

All that the Father gives Me will come to Me,  and the one who comes to Me I will certainly not cast out. 

Jn 6:39

This is the will of Him who sent Me,  that of all that He has given Me I lose nothing, but raise it up on the last day. 

Jn 6:44

No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up on the last day. 

Jn 10:25-30

(obviously great for eternal security of the believer as well)

Eph 2:4-10

But God,  being rich in mercy, because of his great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved)...

Finally,  in recent years no passage of Scripture has given me comfort like Ephesians 1:3-14, especially verses 3-5. Our good and faithful High Priest is all powerful. Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift.

Stewarding the Body: The End of Dieting

Dr. Joel Fuhrman sums up why I like this approach to healthy living on pages 35-37 of The End of Dieting. 

While we were strict for a couple of years,  there is room to loosen up a bit. Still,  the nutritional facts are surprising and have led to me feeling less pain, having better clarity of thought, a better memory,  and far more energy. As a Christian,  I am convinced it is my duty to pay attention to what allows me to work more effectively. It's convicting to remember that my life and body are not my own. I'm not free to do whatever I want in any area of life. 

Avocado toast with eggs, which isn't strictly nutritarian.