Jealousy Ruins People

I've recently been thinking about a few less-than-ideal-situations I've encountered, and it occurred to me that the strangeness of them all is a common spirit of the old green-eyed monster, jealousy. 

Jealousy causes irrational and hypocritical expectations of others. 'While keeping life and experiences painfully close to the vest in a harrowingly tight-lipped fashion, Beatrice demanded to know why her cousin's pet-sitter didn't personally tell her about her new throw pillows!'

It causes us to stop engaging with what someone is saying about themselves and instead make a comment pertaining to ourselves.  "Um, when I said what I just said it was for this reason, not for you to suddenly get paranoid about your self and shift the conversation in a different direction about you...but ok...let's talk about you now".

Left unchecked, jealousy feeds passive-aggressive, destructive thoughts and behavior. "Wrongly convinced she was being shunned by her wealthy friend, Brittany bought a villa she couldn't afford, and waited months before telling those she knew well. This led to sneaky behavior and wrongly suspecting others were being sneaky toward her. What followed was Brittany being seen as evasive and dishonest, which then did lead to her friendship being damaged, all because Brittany became what she wrongly perceived in others."

There are people who are noteworthy hypocrites, and the root cause can be jealousy. These folks genuinely give the absolute least in an area that they demand the most of others in. Rather than ask themselves why such and such happens, these folks can only see themselves as wrongly not getting first bidding. They deserve it, just ask them!  

What we give comes back to us...it is the old reaping and sowing system God set up. Why aren't we satisfied with the results of our relationship efforts? Obligatory acts look very different from close relationships. If you aren't close to people you want to be close to, honestly look and see if you are behaving in a way to cause things to be as they are. Reputations are often built by repeatable behaviors.

Praying Friends

Being private about our lives is great, important even. Particularly if one is in delicate circumstances. Sometimes, however, we need the body of Christ to come alongside us in prayer. Having a few trusted prayer-warrior friends is a gift from God. While we need local good friends, having out-of-state praying friends is quite priceless. 

I've asked trusted people to pray for me a couple of times the last few months, and I can see the effects clearly. My thinking improves. For example, I can see afresh that rude people are their own punishment, they live amidst self- inflicted unhappiness. My life does not have to be impacted by people like that. I can deal with the momentary problem, then go on. Crazy, angry, people do what they do and I can continue to do what I do. When we know we have not wronged someone who breeds conflict, we can rest easy. 

The same goes for the people who love to know everything going on...the people who talk to everyone and ask questions to learn more than folks prefer to share, or those who learn about you and like to stir the soup with their knowledge. People who need to flaunt what they know about you so they can give the impression of being important...or so they can incite jealousy, or so they can add credibility to their own stories by casually talking about you like they are your pal, always angling, essentially using your good name to influence others with their ideas. We can let people live while we live, trusting the truth will set us free.

Lord, help me be holy, pray for those who despitefully use me, and enable me to love my enemies.

Pitfalls of Wrong Focus

Doing the same thing, in the same way, and expecting a different result equals insanity. We must make different decisions if we want different results.

Homemaking is about cleaning, decorating, cooking, and generally creating a safe, comfortable place for your most cherished loved ones. To make it about something else misses the point and will lead to not actually fulfilling the intent of homemaking.

Working for an employer is about performing the duties you've been hired to fulfill, diligently, on-time, in the manner the employer desires. To do something else would mean you are not working within the parameters of being a good employee. You might be busy, but you aren't fulfilling the design as it has been laid out, and thus, ultimate success will not be recognized.

Education....gaining knowledge and understanding about a particular subject, demonstrating mastery according to the syllabus as determined by the instructor.

College-- It is for gaining understanding and knowledge about a particular area of study, with the successful completion resulting in a diploma which further leads to gainful employment. To do less than this is not success. To make it about something else is to not fulfill the purpose for which college has been designed. You might be busy, but if the end goal is not met, success will not be achieved. 

When we make something about something other than what it IS designed for, we set ourselves up for failure. Unwittingly we have expectations that must be met outside the parameters of the confines of the task. If homemaking is primarily about having friends over, we've made it about hospitality....which means our focus is not actually on our family. We might have a vibrant ministry to ladies coming into our home, all the while neglecting the creation of a peaceful respite for our weary husband.

We might make our place of employment about pushing our political agenda or evangelism, but if we are not dutifully fulfilling what we've been hired to do, we are not good employees and are not being careful stewards of our employer's resources or our time as a worker. Is evangelism good? Yes, but if we are not hired as an evangelist, we better not be slothful about our WORK.

If we attend college with secondary or tertiary priorities as our main driver, there is going to be trouble when those side issues fall by the wayside. What we can completely control in college is the effort we put into the academics. Friends coming and going will not change that, injury will not ruin that, nor will not being good enough to stay on a team. Character development and growth in Christ are terrific byproducts of attending university for the right reasons when we get involved in attending and serving at a local church.

Ask yourself, are you embarking on an aspect of life with the same approach you've had before, expecting different results? Let's not plan to fail. Let's plan to succeed and keep the main thing the main thing.

November 2022 Post

A strapping 17 year old young man asked me if I'd posted lately, to which I replied, "No". Running a small business has taken the majority of my excess time and energy. When I'm home, there is much to do in the way of home management and home making. I love both of those things, but I'm continually seeing the benefits of this season of working outside our home. 

The busier we are, the more in-focus life's events become. Prioritization is able to be honed when we genuinely need to prioritize! While I pray for God to send us the funds for college, I want to use the time He's given me to work effectively toward the goal we have of  sending our kids to college debt-free. I tend to think that this time of learning to identify as something other than homeschool mom is going to help and bless my kids far more than anything else I could be doing. 

It's like a distant memory to recall going into my husband's office, crying, as I foresaw what was to come....which was me not being a homeschooling teacher. The feelings of being lost, unneeded, unimportant....they were so real and the pain was significant. I'm thankful now to be able to confidently see that there is no need for a homeschool mom to worry or fret as the chapter closes. God has a way of helping us grow into something new as we seek to glorify Him. Giving our kids the space to be their own people is a challenge if we don't get busy with things outside of them. Thinking of myself, my brand as it were, as Cleaning by Jenny, has completely eradicated the need or desire to identify as a homeschooling mom. I used to be that, but now I work hard to help people love the space God has blessed them with. I'm enjoying my children being able to live life on their own, in many regards. And I enjoy meeting new adults, helping them, staying fit and helping my husband meet our goals.

God is good and so faithful!