An area which many homeschooling parents seem to not be discerning about is the area of who their children are influenced by in various home school groups. Something I've seen as my children and their peers age, is that the children we felt were not the best influence when our kids were young has held out to be more critical as everyone has gotten to the 14-15 age range.
We each have a goal for our children wrought with our own varied beliefs and standards. What I'd like to encourage parents to do is pray for wisdom and discernment in this area. If your child is surrounded by worldly people, Christian or not, it has little obvious impact when they are young. Kids play the same for the most part and they just have fun. Realize though that this dynamic does create an expectation in a child's mind of who it is OK to be friends with. The Bible encourages us to have Christ-minded counselors when we are older...so how does this happen?
The 'sort of' immodestly dressed girls who are texting at 10 or 11 years old may not excite you, but you overlook it because your child is OK not having a phone to text on. The problem is, there is a failure to project out to where that more 'free' child will be when they are 14. Fourteen is very different from 11. What I'm saying relates to a commercial I heard on the radio today. "It takes 12 years to create a graduate. It takes 12 years to create a drop-out as well." We need to have foresight in parenting, projecting out to the next stage of life.
Worldly kids often, if not always, are allowed a much greater freedom with the Internet for example. They are influenced more by those obsessed with body image and boys. Can we honestly expect our children, who we are hoping will not be that way, to spend hours of time each week with kids permitted to do far more than they are and not want those same things? SIN IS ATTRACTIVE. We can hold our children to age limits on make-up and dress codes they hate (sometimes in a legalistic way that doesn't teach them the 'why' of our standards), but we are at risk of sowing seeds of rebellion if an alternative is continually before them. We've kept them out of public school in large part because of the influences that would draw them away from the truth...is it enough if a home school group is held at a church or considers itself Christian, or do we need to start thinking more toward what kind of women and men we want our kids to grow up to be and what sort of lifelong friendship opportunities we are fostering? I truly believe there comes a time when those who want to raise children who do not love the world or the things in the world need to choose to step out of the culture BEFORE it is necessary. Because by the time it is necessary, our children already have deep connections and they identify with the worldly realm.
If you do not have the gift of discernment, then look carefully around you. Pray to God to give you eyes to see things the way He sees them, and look at those who are raising kids (or who have recently raised children) which you hope for your kids to be like, and see what choices they made or are making.
With all of this, our children's dispositions weigh in to the equation. Some are more readily influenced than others. Even if your child isn't easily influenced, will it be a problem for them to generally be the one 'not allowed' or 'having to defend their position' often? Girls have a much harder time with these scenarios than boys, as the issues often make friendships more difficult. Many teens raised by Christian parents are very in to music just like kids of the world, so if your child isn't being raised to be that way, this creates a difficult dynamic when 'play dates' become 'lets hang out together' events. The type of movies you allow your child to watch, books they can read, if they are on Facebook or Instagram, if they can wear make-up or trendy clothes--this is the stuff 'lets hang out together' can entail. Are you on the same page as the families your children are becoming good friends with? The friendships start when they are young if they are in the same groups together, so at least then you have a good handle of how the parents are so you know what they consider acceptable. When kids are older and in a variety of new situations, you will not be able to get to know the parents nearly as well as your kids form friendships, so do your homework and pray for discernment. Most home school groups are filled with a mixture of Christians--it is a broad spectrum, but some are more worldly than others--and the amount of time your child will be with the group will impact how much these things matter.
As a reminder, the world is a powerful force. It is in the church and in all the groups we'll participate in. The word 'Christian' means very different things to all the people who claim the name. As you plan your child's future in education, please pray about the issue of friendship and the worldview they are developing.
Blessings in Christ,
Ann
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